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Did I relapse? And if so what is the definition.

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by bigirishbastard, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. My clean date was 5/18/16. Over the last several months I've had severe difficulty sleeping. I've been taking 1000mg of seroquel for years in the xr form. I had a hard time waking up after I finally went to sleep and I'd b dragging ads all day but as soon as bed time would come around, a switch would flip and I'd b wide awake. I had a doctors apt Nov. 30 and I told my doctor my problem. He wanted to put me on a benzo but I told him I didn't want to b put on a narcotic. So he put me on ambien which he said was non narcotic. I took one at 5 that night and I wake up the next day in the hospital not knowing WTF happened. Over the next week, I slowly get the whole story. At some point I got up and took 17 more, trashed my place, ate all kinds of weird **** and left it all over the place then wondered around the halls of my apt falling out till someone found me and called the emts. I let them into my place and they searched it. They found all my psych pills and the empty bottle of ambien and made the assumption that I was trying to kill myself. I got pink slipped and spent a week in the psych ward. The only good that came of this was that they got my psych meds straightened out and I'm taking a fraction of the sequel. Yesterday my sponsor hit me with that he talked about it and believes I had a relapse cuz I didn't take the medication as prescribed and it caused me to take a medication that mind altering effects effects. I had an adverse reaction to a medication that has a well documented history of causing people to do odd and crazy things while they are still asleep and not in control of their faculties and leaving no memory of what had happened. So, I ask you, did I relapse. When I got back to my place I cleaned it and found 12 ambien kicked all over the place. I mustve dropped the bottle and been eating what I could find on the floor. I took a pic of them and flushed them. Is this a relapse. What is a really thorough def of relapse? And what is a thorough def of mind altering substance? Are my psych meds mind altering, cigarettes, coffee etc.?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @bigirishbastard... I would not consider what you went through a relapse. I would instead blame the incident on the Ambien. Like you said, Ambien is known to cause a lot of people to do some crazy things.

    I think there are all kinds of definitions of "relapse." Same for "mind altering substance." But I don't put too much credence into definitions. If you have an actual relapse, I think you'll know.

    Glad you got your psych meds straightened out and that you're taking less Seroquel. My son was on that stuff for a while and he wasn't a big fan.

    Thanks for sharing with us. We're here for support any time you might need it.
  3. Thanks for getting back to me so fast. I'm just mind fucked right now. I'm working steps, I'm making positive change in my life. In fact, I got into the millwright union as a 3 year apprentice. I'm just waiting for a call from the business agent to start working. I was really upset when my sponsor told me that yesterday. I came real close to putting in an order for designer drugs and relapsing for real. My thinking was, if I gotta b accused of it, if my sponsor believes I did it and I've gotta pay the price for it and reintroduce myself and restart the step process... I might as well say **** it and get it in. But that would just prove my sponsor right. I went to a meeting right after I wrote this and I'm going to another one in a few hours. I'm just annoyed to no end. I reintroduced myself at the earlier meeting and explained the situation. I'm just extremely angry. I joined a gym today and I'm gonna c about getting back into boxing to get some of this anger and frustration out.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Don't let your sponsor's reaction get to you, @bigirishbastard. There are a lot of different opinions among people in recovery. For example, my son got a lot of sh*t from AA folks for going to meetings while he was on doctor-prescribed Suboxone to help him get over his heroin addiction. They said he wasn't really "clean." Well, excuuuse me! If something helps someone get over the nastiness of heroin, and it's prescribed by a doctor and isn't being abused, then how 'bout thinking of it as a useful tool that might be saving someone's life???

    At any rate, I'm glad you went to a meeting last night and are going to another one today. And I'm glad you didn't order any designer drugs. I think joining a gym and getting some of that anger and frustration out through some physical exercise is a damn good idea.

    Keep doing the next right thing, my friend.
  5. Just reintroduced myself again. Gonna do it everytime at every meeting until cigarettes are considered a relapse. Read the following and tell me that nicotine isn't a drug. I need to get a new sponsor too.
    Not to b a d1ck, cuz u've been so supportive but I'm against the use of methadone and suboxone. I really don't have a lot of sympathy for smack heads. At the end of my opiate addiction I was doing 1.5 grams of Oxy a day, that's the equivalent of several grams of h. I was in hell for 2 weeks, no pussy rehab for me. Didn't even know there was such a thing. If u wanna get off opiates and take something that'll stop u from using, take a opiate blocker like naloxone or naltrexone or the new month long injection and b a man about it. Sorry, I'm really pissed about my situation right now.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    That's kind of harsh, @bigirishbastard. Your addiction to Oxy and my son's addiction to heroin are pretty much the same thing. You were both addicted to opiates. Does the fact that you were taking yours in pill form and he was snorting a powder make things that much different? And say what you want about rehab and Suboxone, but if something helps someone kick their habit, isn't that a good thing? There is no "one-size-fits-all" when it comes to recovery. If something works for someone, why not embrace? In my son's case, I'm convinced that Suboxone saved his life and I'm grateful it was an option for him.

    I hope your situation gets better sooner rather than later.

  7. Ohhhh no, no, no. I wasn't taking it as prescribed. I was snorting 8 roxies every 4 hours around the clock until I found out about cold water extraction, then started shooting, and then I learned how to turn it from an acid into a smokeable base and started free basing the **** like crack. I tried the methodone thing. I started doing other things since I couldn't get my rocks off on opiates. Trading one addiction for another is not the way to go. I'm sure methodone and suboxone programs save lives but I'm more certain that a routine of taking oral or injectable opiate blockers would save more and have a more positive impact on the working of a 12 step program. After you take the oral, for 72 hours, you can shoot all the dope u want and nothing will happen. With the injectable, same thing, but it last 30 days. Once you've been weaned off opiates in rehab, it's counterproductive to reintroduce them in a, safer, form. The, safer, opiate still causes the same neurotransmitter and pathway changes in the brain that dope does. The brain never gets a chance to heal and reset. You stay in addict mode. My white knuckle 2 weeks of pure hell is the reason why I never did opiates again, I'll never go through that. I was so impacted that I delivered a 7 lb turd that was so huge I'll never know how it came out, I had to put on gloves and put it in a trash bag çuz a toilet doesn't exist that could flush it and I felt like I was prison raped for a strong week. **** that, opiates suck. That's why I got into designer drugs.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. Thanks again deano. I was at a meeting tonight when I saw that girls post about being in love with a junkie. I wrote all that **** in the meeting. I only went çuz my ex-sponsor was there and I wanted to fire him face to face. I've been around the rooms for over a decade so I know where 2 find real recovery and got a better sponsor who understood the above situation. My grandsponsor is a pharmacist and the only person I've met, outside of school, that knows more about chemistry then me. I get to get my clean time back, and then some. The time I was on Ativan and taking it as prescribed counts as clean time too, so I'm coming up on a year now. Today was a good day.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Glad to hear you had a good day, @bigirishbastard! It's awesome that you're coming on on a year!! Keep doing the next right thing and I know you'll get there...and beyond! :)