I remember all those years when I used to lean on alcohol and smoking to make me feel a bit numb from my feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. For the longest time, I guess starting from the day I was born up until now that I have my own family, I have been struggling to prove myself worthy of my parent's love and approval. I must say that one thing that triggered me to depend on alcohol and nicotine before was my inner pain, I was never proud of myself because I never felt my parents become proud of me at all. I felt like everything I did was always a mistake and if I ever did anything right, it was never enough. There were times I wished I was the one who died instead of my older sister who died of a liver disease. I never found any meaning into my life until I finally found my reasons to live a longer life - my husband and our son. I no longer succumb myself to the influence of alcohol and nicotine because of the love I have been receiving from my 2 precious ones. Although until now, I'm still an imperfect daughter, at least I can say I'm proud to be a mother to my child and a wife to my husband. That's what I'm holding on to right now.