cassiek

I am a 32 year old female. I'm also a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, cousin, a good friend. Those are all the things I'm proud of! The things that keep me going in this crazy beautiful life. I am a stay at home mother, as my husband and I own our own business. My husband and I are high school sweethearts..and have been together for 15 years and married 9 of those as of October 2015. I have 3 beautiful boys who light up my life and give j free the drive to keep going even when I feel like giving up. Their ages are 8 years, 4 years, and 7 months old. Cole, Emmitt, and Jaxson. My life would not be complete without them. We as a young family have had some ups and downs.. some trials and tribulations. .and even some devastating times. We have managed to pull together and keep it going, but not with trial and error. . Some where along the lines mommy developed a habit. ._it wasn't on purpose. .I had a medical reason and I trusted the doctor. I ended up having 3 surgeries in a matter of 19 days and prior to that g or pain management I was on high doses of opiates. To tell you the truth..I was so naive..the 1st time I experienced withdrawal I had no idea what was going on..I seriously though I was coming down with the flu.. I remember being in so much pain on top of it all because of my medical condition and I had run out of my prescription and was waiting on the doc to call it in..that when they were ready for pick up..my mother went and got them as well as some over the counter meds for the flu.. when she arrived I took my opiate dose..went and drew a bath and was going to dose up with the dayquil but all my symptoms had cleared up..it was the craziest thing.. it was then I realized what was happening..from that day forward I been deathly afraid of withdrawal. .and really having 3 kids I don't have time to have the flu..to be down and sick.. but then you realize you are chemically dependent.. or in other words I'm addicted. .I am an addict!! And that I'm not proud of.. so I try to focus on the good stuff..pretend like I'm not that person.. I have looked for help..there's nothing no one can do..I'm too broke to pay out of pocket. .and they don't take my insurance unless you are younger..so basically I'm to old. So the never ending cycle in sues..as my kids get older..the shame gets worse..so I guess who am I? I am a good person who is reaching out for help while drowning and I don't think anyone is going to save me.. and honestly with everything progresses in life I don't know how much longer I can hang on! I am desperate. .and I'm ready! I just can't do it by myself!