Trying_To_Cope

I had never tried a drug as a teenager or young adult. I didn't start becoming a problem child until I was in my late 20's. I had a coke addiction and then a pill addiction that I got through myself. I've never been to rehab or had a dr's help. I overcame both by myself. I pat myself on the back for quitting, but it didn't make me feel strong at all. Now that I can't self medicate, its like all my emotions are out of wake and I need them equaled out. Since i chose to get through my addictions without the help of a professional, I'm in this cycle of trying to doctor myself. I have to find myself again. Where is the girl that was full of life, positive, funny, a personality that totally made up for what i lacked in the "pretty" department. Its a hard damn pill to swallow. I ask myself, Will I ever be able to find her again"?

I've been through it and seen it all. Now, for the first time, I'm reaching out, not because I need help with an addiction, but because someone I love has become something diabolical and I cant sit back and do nothing. Since he's not ready for help. I appreciate any advice to my sad stories in regards to him and HOW I'M SUPPOSE TO COPE....