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1.5 years clean, and I had a one night stand with RELAPSE

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Recovery4Me, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. Recovery4Me

    Recovery4Me Member

    I was doing great free and clear of the demons called drugs. Well I was suffering terribly with my sciatic nerve so I self medicated with any addicts drug opiates. The pain stopped but I was left with the ultimate where do I get more? NO NO NO, I can't go back down that road so I didn't. Instead I ran into a old supplier from the past and of course I told him "Man I feel like crap coming off of pain meds, he said what any dealer would say And what I did NOT want to hear was hey man you know while you got no energy I got what will help with that and there it was the drug that nearly destroyed me 2 years ago after my divorce.... METH.. Here buddy try a little bit to get you through the withdrawals. He wasn't helping me he just knew when this little bit ran out my addictive personality would be texting ok I buy some. So as I stand in the bathroom crying from what I was about to do but I couldn't stand the fatigue any longer. I wrapped it in toilet paper and parachuted it. Boom I was at feet of the damn devil itself. I lost! Wait I thought I had lost. This went on for 3days I started to feel the " Meth life" again and I don't care what any addict believes or what there reasoning was to stop family, career, tired of the stress getting it, healthier life, religion, etc . Those that have quit before have had a reason and the first time for me was my kids. I didn't want them growing up without a father, so I went to rehab the first time. However this time again crying in the bathroom mirror I looked at myself and said I can't live this life, it didn't work the first time and I will be damned if I let it go any further ... I had a few pieces left in my wrapped up piece of paper, I didn't wrap it in toilet paper this time instead I took it and placed it directly on my tongue and didn't chaise it down with nothing.... The taste was horrifying , it lingered, it made me nauseous , but I had a reason for doing that because I never wanted to forget this day. I won't go back down that road. Again. I will admit I am scared of withdrawals but it was only like 3 maybe 4 days of minium use. I will have to get through it this time without
    detox rehab. Thank God I didn't use any longer and more intense or my detox would be awful! I speak from the heart about this METH or any drug will slowly crawl into your life and the next thing you know your life is practically gone. I hope some of You could pray for me who knows what the next several days will feel like I am kinda a grown man wimp lol I hate pain. Anyway to all of you and myself remember we are not alone. Reach out before you take Your next fix. That's what I should had done. However this time I killed the fix before I got addicted again. God bless everyone.
  2. CelesteLedi

    CelesteLedi Member

    You should give yourself so much credit for stopping. That's truly amazing.
    Davers likes this.
  3. Recovery4Me

    Recovery4Me Member

    Hey thank you so much. Since I posted this post I am doing great. I feel so much better. Drugs will steal your soul. Thanks for the encouragement. God bless you!
    Davers likes this.
  4. Davers

    Davers Community Champion

    Sounds good , keep up the good work & never give up .