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16 Year Old Pothead Nephew

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by TripleD123, Mar 13, 2015.

  1. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    I practically raised my nephew his entire life. We were very close and I took a lot of pride and felt responsible for him. The past couple of years he stopped being involved in family functions and stopped coming around my house. His parents (my sister and her ex) don't ever expect much of him and don't encourage him to do right rather than wrong. Recently it has been found out he has been smoking marijuana consistently and was caught with weed on his person by a police officer. Even through all the trouble he is causing for himself and his parents they are not making him stop the marijuana use. They are enabling it and ignoring it. I tried to intervene and I tried to offer assistance but my nephew has resisted me and and has become very hard to even talk to. He's a know it all and has smart remarks for all the help I have tried to give him.

    Long story short I have sort of washed my hands of the entire situation and I am trying to find peace with it all. I feel like he is my own child and to give up on him feels like failure but because I am not his mother he doesn't think he has to listen to anything I say. I have my own (small) children to care for and I cannot stand the disrespect or drama that my nephew brings to the table.

    I'm just looking for reassurance to my choice. Do I let go and let God or do I keep trying to intervene?
  2. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    To be honest, it's probably better to let go right now. Your nephew clearly isn't ready to listen just yet and seems to be taking your attempts at intervention as nagging.

    Sadly, the decision to stop has to come from within.
  3. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    At some point, you have to realize that there might not be anything that you can do. If you're not in the right position and circumstances to make him get help, then you don't have that many options for rectifying the situation. It's always a little depressing to not be able to help someone, for obvious reasons. I think it's time to let those actually responsible for him handle the situation, or not, if that's how they choose to proceed.
  4. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    That last line is what scares me the most. His parents choose to NOT handle situations. They have set this child up for failure over and over again. They demand nothing of him. They do not discipline him when he has done wrong. They ignore.

    I guess I have to choose to ignore as well. Ignore their lack of parenting skills.
  5. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    That is what I have become. A nagger. That was never my intention. I always wanted to be a guidepost for this child. Offer him advice when he needed it. I never judged. I understood that kids would be kids. Once his troubles (arrests, accusations of burglary and theft, school issues, car accidents etc.) started compounding and he didn't become smarter with each mistake is when I would get frustrated. When someone chooses to not learn from their mistakes and actually make even worse decisions thereafter is where I struggle. How do you not see that your actions are in direct relation to the bad things happening to you! Ugh. ARGH! I wish I was more a religious spiritual person. I would pray for him and trust that God would see him through...but unfortunately I don't think that is the case.
  6. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    As I read this thread it brings back memories to me. I had a nephew whom I took care when he was still a child and we are very close. Now that I am married already and far away from him since I lived already in another country our communication are still intact and everyday I always checked him with regards to his studies and talking to him in Skype regularly. He was like my own son already that is why I always think of him. Now there are times that he is hard headed my sister said to me but he is not into any kind of addiction. But I know it is not that serious that is why when we are talking in skype I am always reminding him that he is a good boy and we his family will always take care and love him.
  7. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    Stay involved as long as he will let you. Keep up the Skype as well. Being an aunt is a great gift. You can love them like your own but be their friend at the same time. I wish I would have cherished the times when he would come to me and want me to be involved. I never thought we would drift apart. My nephew was a good boy as well. Never wanted to be like his parents. Always came to me for advice and support. Then one day that all came to a halt.
  8. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @TripleD123 Yes it is true the love of an Aunt to his nephew is like the love of his real mother. I am just thankful that my nephew is still attached to me and he is the youngest among them. He is still talking to me like the best of friend. Now I had just finished talking to him in Skype and told him to sleep already and it is late and he had still school tomorrow. My sister problem with him is his involvement too much in using the computer after going home from school which is sometimes my nephew is angry if my sister giving him a time limit with the use of that gadget. Only that and no addiction involved. All of us in the family had a close relationship even to my other nieces and nephews I am like that. Some of them are in College already and if we all both had time I also checked on them in Skype and they all also still communicate with me. And I am happy for that. :)
  9. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    When I was your nephew's age I smoked weed and nobody could tell me anything. My mother had an idea, but when lectures came up I would change the subject and distance myself. If his smoking is bothering you than leave him to his own devices. If you want to be in his life, love and support him in the positive things he does. Don't nag him either way he will find ways to do what he wants anyway.
  10. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    His mother and father should be the most concern about him. There are really times that we just need to let go of people cause they are just bringing miseries to our lives as well. They do not listen no matter what we say so let them go on their own.
  11. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    You're the only hope he has since his parents have apparently no interest in him. I urge you to take the challenge and do your best to reform him. Involve other parties in your quest to see him reformed since he's on a very precarious path. He needs guidance that only you can provide and given that you practically raised him, you have a better understanding of him than anyone else. All the best.
    TripleD123 likes this.
  12. upandonward53

    upandonward53 Member

    Good job for letting go!!! As a parent or adult caregivers the best we can do for our kids is pray for them. Not picking your battles with him will only burn you out and he will continue with the same behavior. I am studying to be a therapist and I have a 23 year old that I am sure is bi-polar. He smokes marijuana for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He prefers to self medicate rather than take my advice and get professional assistance. I am finding that many young people who suffer from some form of mental health issue(s), self medicate with marijuana and alcohol. This is not what I want for him however, I recognize that I cannot make choices for him. I have recently offered to attend therapy with him, so far this hasn't worked either. I will continue to pray for him and I realize this is the best I can do for him at this point. Your nephew is likely hurting from some trauma that has negatively impacted him or may be suffering from a mental health issue even if it is just depression. He has to make a choice for change; you cannot do this for him. Find peace with it and do the best you can to now raise your own children to remain drug free throughout their lives. Godspeed and good luck!
  13. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    I had been picking my battles and trying to move on from the drama until recently. My mother, my nephews grandmother had sent him some kind of quote on Facebook the other day. He proceeded to disrespect his grandmother and talk badly to her about not wanting to "Hear everyone's negativity anymore" and that the rest of us need to "re-evaluate" what we consider to be bad behavior because he is just fine. I came uncorked. His grandmother adores him and actually cuts him a lot of slack compared to me and for him to publicly be so rude and disrespectful to her I just couldn't handle it. Long story short after a few choice comments about his lack of respect and his stupid choices recently he has now blocked me on Facebook. I spoke the truth to him and didn't use any ill words so I am glad I said what I needed to say even though I know it is quite childish to air your dirty laundry out in the public. I then turned around and removed him from every social media app I have that I sort of used to keep tabs on him (Instagram, Snapchap, Twitter) to just keep up the childish act. I now have ZERO contact with him which is fine. I am sad but I've accepted it. I know that no one likes the person who makes the unpopular decisions or speaks their mind but I don't mind being that person. I hope and pray that he doesn't get in any more trouble than he already has and I hope that he doesn't get into addiction any more than he already has. I've let go, now I've got to trust God.

    I do pray for your child as well and wish the best for both of you.