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17 yr old son is addicted to pot and smoking in my home

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by Jenni, Nov 19, 2018.

  1. Jenni

    Jenni Member

    Deleting this thread Due to necessity. Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I so appreciate it.

    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Jenni... Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about your son and his weed habit, but I'm glad you reached out.

    Your son is doing something illegal in YOUR house. That is completely unacceptable. I don't care if he's using a vape or using a bong. It's illegal. And it's YOUR house. You have to establish a boundary for him and tell him that he cannot smoke in your house anymore. You should clearly tell him what the consequences will be if he violates that boundary, too. I don't know if he uses your car, if you pay for his phone, or what, but banning him from using the car or putting a block on his phone use are two things you could definitely use for leverage.

    Since he isn't legally an adult yet, I would advise against kicking him out of the house if he continues to smoke. But once he turns 18, you have every right to tell him he has to leave. Your obligation to him as a parent is to provide for him until he's 18. After that, you are free to stop if he gives you a good reason to.

    One suggestion: If he's saying he has anxiety, what about having him go to a psychiatrist/therapist and talking to them? Having him get checked out would show that you care about his anxiety, and it might let you know if he's actually feeling anxious or if he's just using that as an excuse to smoke.

    One question: How is he getting $$ to buy his weed? Does he work? Or is he using money that comes from you to buy it?

    If you continue to let your son smoke in your house, you're just enabling him. If you lay down some tough rules and consequences, it may help him stop smoking...or at least smoke less. You really have to do what's in the best interest of you and the rest of the people in your house, including your younger daughters. Your son smoking weed in the house is not something your daughters should be exposed to. (But I'm sure you know that!)

    By the way, there are treatment programs for adolescents. But your son would have to be willing to go to such a program.

    You may want to consider going to Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, or SMART Recovery meetings for yourself. Getting support from people who know exactly what you're dealing with can be super helpful. You may also want to check out some books on addiction. Here's a link to some of my favorites:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    We are here for you. Always. As the father of a 28-year-old son who has struggled on and off with addiction since he was 15, I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. And I know it's not easy. So feel free to lean on us for help or support whenever you feel like it.

    Sending you love, light, and hope.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hello there and welcome. Thanks for reaching out. Dean has given you some excellent advice. I agree that setting some firm boundaries are in order. And not just setting the boundaries, but clearly stating the consequences and following through with them. I know oftentimes this doesn't go over very well and it is challenging to stay consistent. Disciplining children... well, I'm just shaking my head at the moment because I remember. It's not always easy breezy!

    I'm not sure if you're able to get to a therapist, but working with a therapist might be helpful for you in learning how to create the boundaries and hold them firm. It's not always easy to do, especially when there's teenagers giving a lot of backlash. Support groups might be able to help you with that as well. I wish it was just easy to say okay that's it no more, and they follow through, but often times that's not the case as you know.

    But yes, it's your home and he is doing something illegal and you have every right to be firm with him. But you may need some support as well. We are definitely here for you and I hope that these responses have helped you some.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hey there. Your situation can certainly be challenging, especially if consequences aren't motivating him to make some changes. I think for me that in such a situation I would need support to try to learn not to allow my child's Behavior or rebelliousness to completely mess my life and my home up. I know that's easier said than done, as I have raised teenagers.

    Just know that we're here to listen and encourage you anytime.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Jenni... The Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Can Help People Change book I discuss in that blog I gave you the link to is an incredibly helpful book. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people struggling with addiction. It's full of excellent advice and I think it could really help you deal with your son's issues. There's also a companion workbook for it. It's called The 20 Minute Guide and you can access it here:

    You should definitely check it out. It will give you an idea of what the book is all about. Beyond Addiction is a book I wish would've been around when my son's addiction first presented itself.

    Have a great day!