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3 days...

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by peachydust, Aug 8, 2018.

  1. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    ...sober.

    I’ve been a daily cocaine user for the last 15 years. I didn’t think I could stop. I never told anyone. I wanted to quit, but I have tremendous body dysmorphia and I was scared to get fat. Over time I just got used to having coke on me and I didn’t want to not have it.

    So, when my boyfriend got a great job offer in another state, I said let’s go! Here is my chance for a fresh start. I’m happy to say that I’m in my new home and I haven’t used cocaine in 3 whole days.

    I want it, but I don’t feel like I’m going to die without it. Can I really do this?
    Lostboy8731, lonewolves and Liola like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @peachydust... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. And YES! You CAN really do this! Because you ARE doing it! Congratulations on your 3 days, my friend! That is AWESOME!!!!

    You may want to look into Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, or SMART Recovery meetings to give you some support as you embark on this recovery journey. All of those groups have online meetings, too, if that's easier for you. I also recommend talking to a therapist who has experience in treating patients with addiction issues. They can help you keep you on track, too. It's good to talk about what you're feeling.

    We are a caring group of people who will help and support you any way we can, so feel free to come by and post here anytime you'd like. Writing about your recovery can be very therapeutic, and we will always listen without judgment. You are not alone and you are safe here. Always remember that.

    Sending you lots of hope and encouragement. I'm super proud of you and hope you have a fabulous, cocaine-free day!
    True concern and peachydust like this.
  3. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    Thank you for your response. It really helps to have a place to talk, because I’ve kept this in for years. And I’m not ready to tell anyone else. I just want to feel like a success. What I’ve done to myself the past 15 years has been terrible and I feel like a huge loser. I’m not going to go back, I just can’t live like that anymore.
    As bad as I feel right now, I’ve actually never felt better, if that makes sense.
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    That absolutely makes sense, @peachydust! And you will feel better as time goes by. Don't forget that. Keep doing the next right thing, my friend! :)
    peachydust likes this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    First of all, we welcome you here. You're definitely among safe people who will always be here for you to believe the best for you and to mirror your beautiful self. I want to say that you're definitely not a loser. You became addicted to a substance. And the past is the past and I'm super glad that you are three days clean and feeling better! Sometimes a new environment can be super helpful in overcoming addiction.

    In fact back in the Vietnam War there were plenty of heroin addicts. So many that professionals in the states thought there would be a heroin epidemic when the veterans returned home. But what they found was that many of the men who used heroin while in the war stopped using as soon as they got into the states because they returned home to their loving families and a safe environment. I think I got that information from the book Chasing The Scream, I can't remember. But I remember the gist of it was that environment and loving connections with other people are helpful when it comes to overcoming an addiction.

    That being said, we're here to connect with you in the best way that we can in an authentic way in cyberspace. So come here and share anytime. Also, if you're looking for some Community Support, check out the groups that Dean mentioned above.

    We're here for you believing the best for you!
    True concern, peachydust and deanokat like this.
  6. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    I congratulate you and everyone on this site. i just found it. i need this site for support.
    my story is long and nothing new so a brief of it is that i am too old for this back and forth, switching addictions, cocaine (freebasing in the old days) is my main go to. I just a month ago detoxed at a place for snorting 250mg of blue oxy 30's mixed with coke. I had 4 surgeries over the past 5 years (two hip replacements from sober years of marathon running and arthritis combo), rotator cuff, neck, a fall accident (high) that split my leg open etc...the beginning of this long relapse was the first hip surgery where it was a bad surgery and instead of believing me that it hurt too long after (the revision i felt no pain ever again after) that first doc put me on morphine....well, that woke the monster up in me and i've been relapsing more and more and my tolerance got to the point where i did the oxy to feel normal and the cocaine was a necessity because i am also a cocaine addict mostly even though who the hell knows what is in the coke these days. Sometimes it made me mean and sometimes so good. i am now detoxed from suboxone, all opioids but started when i got out of detox with coke. A friend came over and turns out she deals it. hah. just what i needed for energy since all the oxy for 15 weeks 24/7 destroyed all my serotonin and dopamine and i couldn't think, had no energy, was very depressed etc. I still cannot concentrate on anything but things like this. I get mixed advice on the net and addiction docs on the PAWS timeline. i am so tempted to tomorrow to get coke just a little...hah....i don't have that "more" disease right? Please, any support. I have a wonderful supportive husband who goes grocery shopping after working all day because i can't....takes the dogs out for me...loves me but does not know about this coke since detox. How stupid am i? i know, i am just sick...but i want to be clean and happy and have the joyous promises that exist. I swim every day to stay sane although its more fun on coke. I am getting hot/cold sweats every hour and wonder if it is from the coke or just paws. I am by the detox doc who i have to pay a concierge fee of $1000 a week to get support and comfort meds to get thru the paws such as .05 mg ativan and aderall for energy and wellbutrin for depression (although i could very well be depressed from just being so physically and mentally weak and unhappy. I am going to sleep now but would love to be an active memeber of this forum. my screen name is liol (i think).
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Im gonna try to sleep myself however im sure in the morning I will respond....I know I will respond. Welcome to the site and you absolutely can and will find support here.Stay Strong and God Bless
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Liola

    Hello there and welcome to the Forum. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story with us. I'm sorry that you've had to go through so many surgeries and pain. I'm sure that's been quite challenging. I'm glad that you have a supportive husband, as I'm sure that is helpful. I do encourage you to stay away from that cocaine and any other drugs. Do whatever it is you need to do to get the support you need to stay clean. I'm sure you're well aware that recovery takes a good bit of effort on a consistent basis.

    Know that we're here to support you and encourage you however we can. I hope that you will become an active member and just know that you're not alone. We are here!
  9. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    We are here for you, @Liola. For help, support, advice, or just to listen. Please don't hesitate to reach out whenever you might need us. I'm glad you found us and shared with us. Looking forward to interacting more with you in this community!
  10. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    i have a question that i need help with...
    i have constant cold/hot sweats all night...every hour...different answers from different even addiction docs. Been off suboxone for over a week. cocaine relapses though. take ativan .05 mg for the sweats. what is it? c or PAWS still from suboxone or what?
    anyone else suffer this so long? it's been over a month i went thru detox for oxy and coke.
    please help
  11. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    It's all of it.I don't know your age but often time's middle aged women do this during menopause. It could also be your blood pressure going up and down possibly caused by coke,or it could be something else like a warning from your heart,meaning all those substance's for all those years could have damaged a heart valve which regulated flow,pressure, direction, etc.I would see a Dr and request an ultra sound of your heart and it's valve's but first you would need to start monitoring your blood pressure and keep a journal of the reading's for approximately 1 month....the Dr will suggest that so do it first.Go in prepared .Im no Dr just to be clear but I have been around sick people my entire life and that's the best I got.Stay Strong and God Bless
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  12. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    I have already gone thru menopause when i was 50. I am 57. I am on blood pressure meds and monitored by an addiction dr. for that and had every heart test. Thankfully no damage.
    it happens mostly as soon as i go to sleep at night. Not much like in the beginning of detox during the day too.
    I was wondering if it is caused by coke if anyone goes thru this?
    thanks for the god bless! i pray all day. the coke is a relapse after the detox and not a daily thing and hopefully tomorrow will be day 1 free of it again.
    but anyone out there on a thread going thru this? it is awfully uncomfortable.
    ibogaine was suggested by this strange but smart addictionologist but i have no interest in more drugs in my system and it is a fortune and people have died.
    i just want some support to not have wasted my life, my detox, my sleep and sanity.! The only time i feel good is in the pool...i dread the nights which i used to love with my two dogs and husband in bed and it has turned into sleepless nights and bad moods and a furnace in bed!
    Liola
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  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Ok so this may not make sense but its the truth and an absolute fact...so when on coke or meth though it increases your heart rate it constricts artieris,vein's, heart valves,etc so though this may sound crazy the longer the binge the more likely you are to suffer from "Hypothermia" ya I know sounds false but it is not so if you're doing coke daily after each line you probably experience cold hands and feet and as the coke wears off your temperature comes back up which will cause you to start to sweat,do another line and cold hands and feet again so if on a long binge this will cause cold sweats off and on and obviously once you decide to end the binge you will get cold then hot for awhile until eventually you will only sweat for about 3 days as your body cleanses itself from the substance. I pray you stay sober but if you do coke again pay attention to the temperature change as you use and as it wears off and you will better be able to understand what is taking place. Stay Strong and God Bless
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  14. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    Hey there. I really don't have much input here, as I'm not familiar with this topic. I am glad to hear that you are working with an addiction specialist. I'm also glad to hear that you're hesitant about doing something like ibogaine treatment. I know some people have been helped with it, but it doesn't work for everyone.

    I pray that you will continue to heal on all levels, and that you're able to sleep well tonight.

    Sending a big hug your way!
    True concern likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Liola... How are you doing? If you get a chance, post an update for us, okay? We're here and we care.
    True concern likes this.
  16. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Hi thanks. i just saw this and just finished swimming (trying to get dopamine and serotonin back naturally... i keep pushing myself back with the obvious. and its such crap.
    ...i keep this site it on my computer cause it doesn't let me change my password because i used their suggested one and don't know what it is to create a new one! See, i am cognitively really suffering from this. But i have to keep moving forward and not let screw ups be a reason to continue screwing up...i have to immediately stop and change my thinking and actions right? i know, thats what addicts do, but so many stay clean for so many years with the "no matter what" thinking.
    w
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2018
  17. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Most addicts who make it successfully with the "No matter what" mentality have paid a severe price while using and lost thing's and destroyed relationships that will in most case's never be the same even after they get sober,most addicts who use that Moto may patch up relationships they have damaged however they still will most likely never be as good as they were before they messed them up.Try to imagine what it would do to you and how it may potentially effect your relationship if your husband ever did find this site,or find out the truth about what you have been struggling with,try to play that out in your mind,the disappointment, the arguing,the immediate loss of trust...Try to feel what that would do to you and what that would do to him,then imagine you got totally sober truly and try to play out in your mind how hard it would be to get back to where you are today just trying to figure out how to make that "No matter what" mentality work.I think if you can play this all out like a movie in your head you may realize NOW is the time to commit to your sobriety before those scenario's become your reality.Use this site to vent,question, seek encouragement, learn from other's, etc whatever it takes to find a way to stabilize your life.Stay Strong and God Bless.You can do this and you don't have to do it alone.
    deanokat, Dominica and Liola like this.
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

  19. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    thank you all. very down today and have an appt monday with an addiction psychiatrist and cannot wait.
    can someone tell me how to add all you guys as friends...i saw friends in the profile i think.? or i don't need to? trying to learn the site with dead brain cells at the moment lol.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  20. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You can click our names,go to our profile page and hit the follow button.It's not a traditional friends list like most sites however it does exactly the same thing. I hope and pray your day gets better,occupy your mind,stay busy,maybe take a swim:)
    deanokat, Dominica and Liola like this.