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7.5months gone.. Almost 3weeks now

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, Sep 21, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    So most of you know me,you all know how sincere and passionate I am about recovery and the intense fight we go through to remain sober.From my heart and soul I apologize to each and everyone of you,after 7.5months I relapsed...I will share the story and as you read it know I blame no one but myself.Aug 30th my family moved from an upstairs apartment to a downstairs apartment,reason being my mom has had 2 back surgeries can barely walk as well my dad has lung cancer and prostate cancer and can barely breathe.Management told us we had until after labor day to move and Saturday afternoon around 1 pm she told us we had until the end of the day at 6 pm or she would have to charge us rent for both apartments.At this time I had been moving the entire apartment by myself while a family member who is able to help laid in the floor for 2 day's coming down off meth.I panicked as I had no energy left and instead of having another day and a half to move I now had only 4.5 hour's to finish the move... I broke down and saw no other way to get the energy to move in such a short time that I made the wrong decision.It broke my heart and my spirit, I started crying and did a big line of meth.....It immediately crushed me and I gave up and just sat in a corner hating myself.As soon as that family member saw me give up he got up did a line of meth and finished the move without me as all I could do was think of everything I just threw away. I don't blame him though if I were the old me I would however I said I would never go back to being that hateful son of a bit*h I used to be and I won't. I'm coming up on 3 week's sober at this time and I'm grateful for you all,without all the conversation's we have had over the past year I would have completely given up so each and everyone of you you have made a difference in this man's life and I will forever be grateful.Again I'm sorry I let you down but I'm back on my feet pushing forward.Stay Strong and God Bless
    Lostboy8731 and Dominica like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @True concern... First of all, you did not let us down. If you let anyone down, it was yourself. But you know what? You're a human being and we all mess up from time to time. You made a mistake and you realized it right away. And now you're coming up on 3 weeks sober again. So I want you to know I'm incredibly proud of you for picking yourself up, brushing yourself off, and getting back on the right track again. And I admire your honesty, too. I have to admit, I was extremely worried about you because you had been AWOL for so long. I'm so glad you came back and shared with us.

    I know you don't blame your uncle, but I have to say I wish you could figure out a way to get him out of your place. I don't think he's doing anyone in your household much good.

    I'm assuming you're all moved into the new downstairs place. I hope it makes things a bit easier for your mom and dad.

    I love you like a brother, and I'm sending you lots of love and encouragement. Keep doing the next right thing and know that we are all here for you anytime you need us. We will listen, help, and support, just like you've done for so many people here.

    Happy Friday to you. I hope you have a great weekend. And I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    P.S. :);):(:mad::confused::cool::p:D:eek::oops::rolleyes:o_O!!!!!!!
    Dominica and True concern like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Thank you it means more than I can say in word's. I have my knee surgery soon and the plan is still to get back to training and I'm going to give it my best shot at joining the military, I need to try and start a life that has meaning,one I can be proud of and make enough money to survive. I will stay true to myself as far as honesty because living a lie only gives what were fighting strength so I will always admit my faults and hopefully one day they won't have any power left.o_O:confused::confused::eek::eek::eek::eek:o_Oo_O:confused:
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @True concern hello my friend! sooooo glad you are back and congrats on 3 weeks sober. relapse is sometimes part of the recovery journey.... not to give anyone license to relapse, but should you, well, then you get right back up like you did and start again... you did not let us down at all. we're here to love on you, support you, and encourage you NO MATTER WHAT. and i repeat NO MATTER WHAT. that's love without conditions my brother! <3

    i'm glad your knee surgery is soon..and yes, believing you will get into the military. i hope ya'll are getting situated in the new apartment... and i agree with dean that i hope your uncle can find a new place to reside.

    appreciate your honesty. you are a good man arthur... and so happy to know you and be journeying this life together!!!

    welcome "home".
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Yep....that brought tear's...... Welcome home.... wow. Thank you happy to be back
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Lostboy8731

    Lostboy8731 Community Champion

    You didnt let anyone down friend. Infact to be honest i read so many of your threads and comments to others and can say wholeheartedly that your a true inspiration. And i'm sure others feel the same. Just cause you fall doesn't mean you failed yourself or anyone else. All you can do is get up and keep pushing ahead. Keep it up and keep pushing forward no matter how many times you stumble. Proud of you and i can't speak for others only myself when i say I look up to you
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I have never had anyone say they look up to me,it was very humbling to read that.I just don't have word's as I never saw myself as a person anyone would look up to,but I will say this,with all the thing's I've messed up in my life I do pray that here I don't mess up,I'm not talking about a short relapse rather at time's I worry I may say the wrong thing to someone and I truly don't want to ever hurt anyone with my word's, I share stories about my life experience a lot in hope's someone may read it and find a tiny bit of inspiration from it,I have found in myself a deep love for humanity as a whole which I never knew I had and many people may think I'm not as sincere as I say but that's ok I pray for them too, it's not what we've done in our past rather what we do with it to help other's that will ultimately define us.I long for a world of healing and understanding, hope over hate,love over deception, forgiveness over vengeance, a hand up not a hand out.I just want other's to see the goodness in them I didn't see in me.I don't know what's happening to me spiritually in all honesty but I know with every day that passes as I step out into a divided society I can see the possibility of unity beyond the division the news on every channel work's so hard for,I hear daily the news calling everyone a racist which I don't understand because I don't see color ever on anyone,I just see human's.I don't understand where this new me comes from as my vision,my thoughts,my hope's are completely different than who or what I was for most of my life....Im just grateful
    deanokat and Lostboy8731 like this.