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7 years later and ready to leave. HELP!

Discussion in 'Withdrawal Symptoms' started by amillie412, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    Hello, in my early-mid twenties I began a battle with pills which quickly escalated to heroin. I was talked into by my parents entering a treatment center where I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I was not given many options at that time. I could either stay on a methadone treatment through my pregnancy and risk my child having withdraw effects after birth, or not take it and risk a miscarriage. So i began a methadone treatment and continued it even after birth. It is over 7 years later and throughout those years I have just slowly got myself down to the lowest dose they offer and have been stuck there for over a year now. I finally have put my foot down and said to myself I can not be there forever its time to move on. So today is the first Monday in 7 years I did not head to the clinic to get my weekly medicine. Terrified is an understatement. Not only am I scared of whats to come, but I have broken the routine I have come so comfortable with. I am thinking of this as a dosage decrease and nothing more. I know eventually I will feel ok and comfortable. But this time, I will for once in a long time tell myself how proud I am of what I just accomplished. Besides the birth of my daughter, this will be the biggest accomplishment of my life. I am sure my body is going to thank me after its all over. Day 1..here we go. Anyone else been through??
  2. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Hi welcome glad your here and thanks for sharing your story with us. I too can relate I was on suboxone for about 8 years and one day I said I'm done, I'm ready to be sober again and now 4 months later here I am still clean. It was ruff and tuff but I'm so proud of the accomplishment. It feels like I can do anything I put my mind too now.

    I want that for you too and I know you can do it. It was not be easy but nothing in life that is worth doing is easy. Sending lots of positive energy and healing vibes. Much love
    Reluctantly Here likes this.
  3. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    Hello: Why don't you talk to your counselor and just taper off? My clinic does this for people who are ready to get off methadone. I agree that 7 years is a long time but trying to do it yourself is setting you up for a relapse. You are going to go thru withdrawal even at the lowest dose unless you taper down to 1-4mg. I wish you well and hope you can do this.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  4. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    I have been talking with my counselor about it for months now. I was on 5mgs for almost a year and the only other option was blind dosing which i don't think it would of helped me..that would of made me paranoid. So i felt the timing was right and Sunday was my last dose. Just a lot of prayer and trying to keep my temper under control until my body and mind feel normal.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  5. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    Glad to see someone else was successful with it. I am expecting the worst over the next few weeks...but have faith that the life I have now will surpass any type of urges that come along. My daughter deserves a mom who does not have to run to her methadone in order to get through the day. I just want to get up and go. I know its coming I just have to walk to it. Heroin was the first hurdle and 7 years later it never crosses my mind..methadone is the second and hopefully last. Hoping to talk to you some more!!! Thanks for your kind words!!!
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You most definitely are not alone and I must say I am completely impressed with the strength you are letting come through, after 7 year's of the (Routine)You have decided to take full control of your life and I commend your courage and commitment to seeing this through.I was on methadone for a few month's myself at one point and I have gone through the detox,not sure my story can help as I went cold turkey and nearly died twice but my daily dose at the time was 320mg oxycontin and about 60-80mg Norco so I know you won't go through that kind of detox and now coming off the lowest dose they give I believe a fresh pack of toilet paper and some soup and electrolytes should get you through to the other side,Again I am extremely proud of you and so happy you are finally taking full control,this will create more time for you and your little one....No more worries of being sick,no more life revolving around the methadone, no more fear of the substance, incredible, your amazing congratulations on the new you.
    STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    STAY focused and be patient,remember WHO you want to be and I have no doubt you will achieve your goal,you got this and we are here for you
  8. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    @amillie412 it sounds like your counselor does not want to help you. At my clinic you have a choice of blind tapering or not. At 5mg, I would think you still need to taper down to 4,3,2 and 1 to avoid WD, but if you feel you can do it, by all means, do it. I can't believe your clinic is not more helpful but they are not all the same and some are in it for the money which sucks. I am quite lucky that mine truly wants to help and their end game is to one day have me off of everything. They tell me the average time is 2 years but they would never tell me when to go or that I have to stay. They leave it up to me to decide. I choose to up my dose or lower it. In fact, I'm clean 6 months and now that I'm stable I feel like I can lower it. I'm on 80mg and feel it may be too high. I do want the blind taper when it comes time to taper off completely as I know much of my cravings are mental and I don't want to know how much they are lowering it. I wouldn't think at 5mg you would even need a blind taper and would be off in a week or so. That low of a dose can be lowered quicker. Just don't forget the half life and it will take longer to come out of your system so it will take days for you to feel the effects of it leaving. I do hope it is minor and you make it through. This stupid opioid dependence is a bitch that grabs us and won't let go. Please let us know how you are doing.
    amillie412 and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Wow! 5mgs! That's so awsome.
    At that dose a few days where you feel like you have a cold, some stomach issues but you got this. Just give it some time. And remember most of it is mental.
    If you can stay distracted and not have an idle mind then you'll be done in no time.
    I didn't know people went lower than t mgs. That's usually the jump off point anyway where I am.
    I have jumped off at 30 mgs and that wasn't fun at all. But even at that it was about two weeks.
    I know you can do this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @amillie412 How are you doing today?I do hope and pray you are approaching what should be at least the middle point of your final withdrawal. STAY STRONG, STAY FOCUSED, AND GOD BLESS
  11. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    well thank you so much for your kind words. that makes my day much brighter. luckily i have a HUGE support system so I got the best standing right behind me to back me up. day 3 here we go!!
  12. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    amen. i always say that addiction does not discriminate..it will take a hold of anyone. i am sure there were more options that the blind dosage but at this point i don't want to look back i am running as far away from that building as possible. i am considering this a dosage decrease and nothing more. you go through the uncomfortable moments to come out the other side a little better. i am fearing the worst but excited for me to wake up and feel fucking fantastic. love talking with you...lets keep this going!!!
  13. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    good morning, i am going ok so far. last night was a little tough to fall asleep. my arms have been bothering me. i remember the pain when i didn't have any dope. they are almost restless. but i eventually fell asleep and slept the whole night. sweating is an understatement...i am dripping buckets...but i think of it as the methadone leaving my body lol. the pain is manageable as is every other discomfort at the moment. so far ok. how are you today?????
  14. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    well thank you. nice to have people here who know what I am talking about. you can't have these discussions with people who are blessed to not have an addiction problem...they say they understand...but you know they don't. i can talk to my parents all day long about the pain and the sweating and cloudy mind but you can't explain it enough for them to actually understand the absolute hell road i chose to take 10 years ago and how it takes everything you have to run back to the beautiful road.
  15. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    ya 5 is the lowest. those little yucky white pills. i stayed on each mg i lowered to for minimal 6-8 months. but this last time i stayed on 5 for almost a year. i love how you mentioned the mental part. if i could give a word of advice from the past 10 years of my life its that you have to keep your mind busy. hobbies, exercise, a job, a child. something that takes the focus off you and onto something else. well said!!!!
  16. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    It will surpass any urges you have I believe, it sounds like once you get your mind set you will see it through. I tapered on my suboxone for 11 months before I jumped and it was easy peasy when I took my last dose. Sounds like you did a good taper as well.

    Your gonna love it once you get past all the yucky withdrawls and get all your emotions back and have natural energy again. I love waking up now and seeing things differently. I believe we have gained alot of wisdom from this suffering.

    Suboxone had my emotions so suppressed they were out of whack for a month the biggest thing was just anxiety too but I got that handled now. After 8 years on it though I was happy that's all it was.

    I'm so happy for you and proud that you are doing it. I love to see people overcome the odds of getting away from these drugs. :)
    amillie412 and Joshstillclean like this.
  17. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I'M happy to hear you are pushing forward and considering you are on day 3 I believe you have this thing taken care of,once you no longer feel any sort of dope sick I recommend a good therapist to help you work through the emotions that are going to flood your mind,other than that just keep going and I am so proud of you.I am ok today,I love hearing success stories so I am very optimistic
  18. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Your posts have brightened my day. I mean that.
    I'm so glad that you are able to be optimistic at day 3. If you have this mindset then I know that you are gonna beat this thing and never look back.
    I'm so happy for you. And I know what you mean about running from that building.
    And you are doing just that. Sounds like your symptoms are mild and manageable. I know it sucks-but its not like full blown heroin dope sick...
    I remember when I detoxed I kept reading journals I had written about how bad I felt when dope sick from oxycontin...
    Then when I remembered how bad THAT was, I realized I totally had this.
    Keep us updated, I'm so glad to hear your almost out of the woods.
    I laughed when you said those yucky little white pills, I had forgotten about those things. Yeah they do taste nasty LOL!
    I'm glad your so happy, that helps so much.
  19. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    my mind feels great clear but my body is giving me a run. last night after i laid down my arms started getting the tingly feeling in them and it was hard to keep them still. eventually i fell asleep and this morning it was my lower back. boy was it hurting. no stomach problems though:rolleyes:. over 96 hours out...hopefully less than that to go!!!! i just keeping thinking this is the spot i got myself into 10 years ago and have been slowing crawling out and i am almost there. i did everything that my body feels right now to myself. my fault and my fault alone. so now its time to take that last crawl and stand up!!!! cant wait to be where you are...free from everything.
  20. amillie412

    amillie412 Senior Contributor

    its nice to have people to talk to. it helps a bunch. thing are ok. aches and pains were expected. no i am hoping for how long i was on the dose i was the symptoms will be there but mild. still going...pushing..scratching..not giving up.