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A family of hereditary drug and alcohol abuse.

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Bowers2013, Oct 25, 2014.

  1. Bowers2013

    Bowers2013 Member

    As I have come across this forum I find myself thinking about my life growing up. As a teenager I was subject to abuse. The abuse usually came in the form of an alcoholic rage. My father and step-mother are alcoholics. At the age of 17 I was placed into a group home at my choice. In 2009 my sister was caught using drugs. My sister at the time had a little boy who was seven years old and a newborn little girl. My mom and I thought she may have been on drugs but couldn't prove it. One night my sister had asked my mom and step-father to come over to fix the holes her abusive boyfriend had put in the walls. Upon there arrival they could hear my nephew inside and after about 20 minutes they finally got him to open the door. What they found inside was the lowest my sister had gotten. She was fully dressed in snow gear as though she was just about to walk out the door, yet she was completely passed out on her couch. My nephew said she had been "asleep" for hours and he had not eaten. My mom then walked upstairs to find her boyfriend passed out as well. When they went to find my niece they discovered that she had not been changed all day completely covered in her own feces. My nephew had been bringing her bottles the best to his little ability. My parents had called an ambulance but she refused treatment.

    The next day she started to hallucinate that my niece was coughing up blood and rushed her to the er. Fortunately the er nurse recognized that my sister was under the influence of something and called CPS.
    My niece and nephew were taken and placed with my mom. My sister made several court appearances and failed many drug test that she must pass to visit with her children. During this time the courts had given my sister a chance to go to a methadone clinic. My sister failed to full fill this court order and was sentenced to 10 days in jail.

    When my sister got out of jail she told me that she had went 10 days without pills and she felt she could move on and overcome her addiction. A few days later my mom calls (at this time I am currently in California with my then husband who was in the military) and said she thinks my sister is using again. When I asked my sister about it I got the response "oh Fn Well" at this point I called every judge, prosecutor, cps worker I knew was involved and informed them. I did this not to hurt my sister but to help her. I begged them to get her into rehab. On June 4, 2010 my sister finally entered rehab. Here it is four years later and she is still clean and sober. She has since regained custody of her children and is no longer involved with the boyfriend who got her addicted. My sister told me how she used to lie, and steal just to get money or use her body to get money and drugs. A few months ago I was diagnosed with pelvic pain and required a hysterectomy. In the time before my surgery my Dr. had given me trememdol. After my surgery I stopped taking them cold turkey. ( I had asked my Dr for something non narcotic as I knew my family history) What my Dr either failed to realize or know is that you can't just quite Tremedal. After two days of not taking it I started to become extremely ill. Not knowing what was going on and having a little pain I took one and within a few hours felt better. I then realized that I myself had become addicted to them. I tried to get through the withdrawals but found myself getting a refill. After that refill I tried again to quite when the bottle was empty. This time the withdrawals were worse. Turning to my sister for help she told me more about her addiction and how to try and overcome it. At my post op I told my Dr what was going on. I felt that on the third round I could try to wean myself off of them but I needed something to help me sleep at night. My Dr acted like he didn't want to deal with me and my problems however gave me ambien. On the third round I was able to slowly lower my dose and wean myself off. I never felt like I was an addict but have come to the realization that drug addiction doesn't make prejudice to whom it effects. Hopefully someone reading this who is suffering from addiction can know that you can over come it.
    jackslivi likes this.
  2. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    Hi Mister. I pretty much believe that addiction can be countered. As I was reading your story I felt the connection between your addiction history and the surroundings where you were grew up
  3. Thanks for sharing your story, Bowers. Addiction runs in my family. It has ruined at least two lives, and it has had an impact on countless others. I know that, given my family's history and my own personal makeup, that I'm at risk for abuse. I can't take a drink or any kind of medicine without thinking about it, but I think that's kind of the point. Eventually, I want to get to a place where I don't drink at all. If nothing else, I want to use my family as an example and a reminder. I want to help them any way I can, but I think they can help me, too, in their own way.
  4. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    Most of us sometimes need something to lean on, even if it was not a person. I have a friend,a woman, now age 50. She was addicted to smoking as if it was her husband. She said she could not live without it. She is an old maid by the way. She seemed to have lost her faith in love.
  5. Bowers2013

    Bowers2013 Member

    One time my husband and I went to see my father, when I had first met my husband he told me about how when he got home he would get a cooler and fill it with beer and sit in his chair and drink. I told him while I can't control his drinking I explained my family history and why I didn't drink. When we went to my father's house I told him I wanted to show him something. When we walked out on the back porch there were literally about 50 empty boxes of beer. I told my husband that was just a weeks worth my dad went through. I then took him into my parents room where my step-mom had boxes and boxes of wine. My husband could't believe what he saw. When we returned back home we went to his house and he went to his fridge and dumped everything he had. I had not said another word to him about it. He went on his own and did it. He said he didn't want to end up like that.

    While I was more or less estranged from my dad I was close to my two brothers. They would literately go out and stand behind the car to keep my parents from driving drunk.
  6. I really think that a person can't be told to change, they have to want to do it, on some level. I think, showing your husband what your parents were like, was the best thing to do. It tells a whole story, paints a picture, but it doesn't come off as being pushy or forcing anyone to do anything. I've bashed my head against the wall trying to "force" people to change, getting nowhere. The move now, I think, is to try to find ways to see if they want to change, if they think about changing, then go from there. It has to come from within, ultimately. Whatever I can do to help find that path, even if I have to lay the ground work myself. That's my current strategy.
  7. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    Changing is, as you say, an issue within. It has to be appearing from the will, not from mere persuasion or sermons. It comes from self-reflection and the determination and strength to do it.
  8. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    The way that you are brought up imitates they way that you will grow up and if you come from a home and a family of abuse, the chances are that you will do the same too. Look a Drew Barrimore, she came from a home of alcohol and drugs, which in turn made her do it and the good news is you can come out of it and change your life, do things differently just like Drew did. She now has a loving family of her own and they are clean and sober.
  9. jgon3491

    jgon3491 Member

    Wow you're a strong person! I was also brought up with alcohol and drug abuse and not just by my immediate family but I was surrounded by it. My friends and extended family also used alcohol and drugs and it's only natural to try it. I tried drugs a few times but the difference with me is that I was able to control myself and not allow the drug and or alcohol to take over me. I knew that what ever I was taking would not fix my problems and I knew when to stop using them. I never allowed myself get addicted to anything.
  10. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Wow,such a touching story but I am so glad you have both overcome and recovered. You should have changed that doctor a long time ago. I wish you and your sister all the best for the future and your stories will definitely motivate others.
  11. jackslivi

    jackslivi Active Contributor

    Wow. This is an incredible story. I seriously could feel the pain in this. I am so glad you shared this story because of the strength your family has. No matter what you guys were all there for each other. Good for you on realizing what was going on with everything. Your doctor should of been there for you though. That would of made me find a better doctor but you totally had it handled. Good job and I'm so proud of you.
  12. Giftbearer

    Giftbearer Member

    It sounds as though you nipped it in the bud because of your experience as the family member of an addict. In many instances the earlier a person realizes there's a problem the easier it will be to quit.

    My son got involved in drugs when he was about 15 or 16 because his father had been a hard core drug addict and I had gotten away from him before he had a chance to hurt my son, and this may have been his way of trying to understand why his father couldn't kick the habit. I think he wanted to understand what the appeal was, but knowing how badly his father had gone down the tubes and died from it also, I believe, stayed in the back of his mind even when he had his own problems with it and probably gave him enough distance from it and objectivity to not be irreversibly sucked in.
  13. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    The influence of the parents to their children is really extreme. That is why it is best for parents to understand what parenting is. I am not yet a father but I strongly advocate 'being ready' first before engaging into marriage. Or else, the children suffer the consequences of our actions.
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right, mostly are influenced by the surrounding they are living in.
    Family has a big role in helping in avoiding this addiction to happen. It will be a sad things if the family itself influenced one in addiction and seem not to care. But still there are support groups as well as friends that are willing to help.
  15. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    Right, support groups help. When we cannot reach our own family members or parents, the secondary people we run to are our friends. But that's a whole different level. The connection between bloods still influences one to where he or she goes so I am a persuasive advocate of responsible parenting.:)
  16. Giftbearer

    Giftbearer Member

    Sadly, My son's father was never "ready" to be a parent and he was well into his forties at the time. He had a previous marriage and that wife had to move all the way to Alaska with her kids to get them away from his influence.

    It looked as though he had gotten his life straightened out when I met him, as he had been clean for several years, with a good stable job, but that was deceptive. Things were not as they seemed and his addiction was way more intractable than I thought.

    I used to say I had "two babies" when it became clear that he was on a downhill course and I was basically a single parent even though he was there in the home. At some point it became clear that things were never going to work.

    Every treatment attempt failed and it became an emotional roller-coaster, so to save my son the inevitable suffering that he would have had in the long run, I had to take him and walk away. My son was about 8 or 9 months old, so thankfully he does not remember any of those times.

    I went to Al-Anon for about a year or so and they said that getting away early on was the best thing I could have done because in his case the drugs were always going to come first. Norman (my son's father) had a strong genetic component to his addiction. While I'm sure his parents probably contributed to it with how they raised him the entire family was either addicted to drugs, alcohol, or both. I had the chance to meet that whole side of the family (extended; not just nuclear) when I was pregnant and was shocked when I discovered how riddled they were with addictions.

    I was really relieved when my son didn't suffer the same fate. He, unlike his father, was able to put drugs in the past and move on from that period in his life. I have never had a tendency toward addiction, so maybe he got enough of my genes not to develop a life-long problem, and he got a good foundation from me.
    MrsJones likes this.
  17. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Definitely blood is thicker than water. :)
    But sadly to say that there are are really times that the family are not the ones who can help. Sadder is that they are the ones who will serve as bad models or bad influence.
  18. jade870

    jade870 Active Contributor

    One of the most hardest things to deal with in my family, was that everybody was either an alcoholic or some kind of other substance user. I grew up watching my family drink their selves to death, and I decided right then that that was not the life that I wanted for myself. When I was growing up just about everybody in my school knew that my parents used alcohol and drugs daily. Which for me that high school even that much harder, there was no limit to what the other kids would say about me and my family. I can honestly say even though I love my family there was no way I was going journey down the same path.
  19. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    So your acquaintances and friends knew about the surroundings you are engulfed with. This is quite ridiculous seeing yourself torn gradually by the demise of your own family. I could say you were brave smart enough to counter the odds.
  20. bourge_21

    bourge_21 Senior Contributor

    I was really relieved when my son didn't suffer the same fate. He, unlike his father, was able to put drugs in the past and move on from that period in his life. I have never had a tendency toward addiction, so maybe he got enough of my genes not to develop a life-long problem, and he got a good foundation from me.[/QUOTE]

    Well, that's nice to hear. I had a past acquaintance who had to deal with the ordeal of being a single mom because her husband cheated on her. The couple had a son, and my friend wanted her son to know what his father did, when he turns 7. There are a lot of parenting strategies one can make to save their children from going the wrong path.