my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. When we first started talking he told me about him being on suboxone because he used to be addicted to drugs. He said he didn’t do them anymore though and had to get drug tests done weekly when he picked up his subboxone. I said well I haven’t so much as smoked weed since I was 16 so you have no worries about me pressuring you to do any. Things started off amazing like they normally do. We started living together two months after dating and again everything was going great. I worked shift work so a lot of weekends he would want to hangout with his friends while I’m at work which was fine with me. If I got off at 11pm I would offer to pick him up if he has been drinking and he always said it was ok he’d take a cab so I didn’t have to wait up till he was ready. For months it was always “I’m on my way”, “one more beer”, “just finishing this game of darts” over and over and then he would show up hours and hours later. I trusted he wasn’t doing drugs even though he was staying up so late just because I knew if his doctor was drug testing him and thought he had a problem he would have to go back daily to pick up his subboxone so I was like okay so him and the boys just get carried away every time they drink. I told him to stop saying he was on his way until he was legit in his cab. One night he met me at my friends house and I noticed white all around his nose. He assured me it was the first time since we met but how could I trust that. I felt so sick to my stomach but took his word it wouldn’t happen again. A few weekends passed and he said he was going to have some drinks at his friends. That night he told me he was on his way home maybe three times from a small town just outside of our city about 25 min drive, a few hours passed and I said what the heck?, then around 2am tells me he is in a different town which was 45 mins away. I lost my ****. Not only was he drinking and driving now he was lying to me a whole lot. Said he was too drunk to drive and he’d be home in the morning. The next day he tells me he is going to some festival in another small town about 20 mins away from my city. He didn’t. He didn’t come home that night either. I find out he’s been on a weekend binger doing coke all weekend and partying and the whole time lying right to me. I was torn. I felt so hurt. I wanted to stab him. He came home and apologized and I forgave him but told him that was the last time. I know the amount of times I caught him couldn’t of been the only time. I know he was lying to me a lot but I didn’t know what to do I loved him. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again, he swore. Like an idiot I believed him. Months and months went on and I can’t tell you how many times he did coke but I know I will never know. Just so much lies. Last weekend we were at a wedding. After the wedding we had to head to his brother and sisters birthday bash so we stopped at home and got changed. He said the neighbor was gonna come over and have a beer. I went in the house to lock up while they stayed in the garage. The cab came to get us and he said go out there and make sure it doesn’t leave while we finish our beers. Well they brought their open beers in the cab a few mins later so you’d think that would be a hint to me but no I was oblivious. We get back home after the party and go in the garage where I find a $20 bill under the bar on the shelf. Again a hint I didn’t even notice. Then I see it. White all over the top of a case of nails. I pulled it out and put it right on the bar where my boyfriend looked me right in the face and said it wasn’t his. My rage. I didn’t believe him I got so mad. I went in the house where he came in after me and he said I swear it isn’t mine and I said I don’t even care how disrespectful to have it at our home knowing I don’t approve. He said well it’s my house (because my credit was bad so the mortgage had to go in his name but I still pay for half of everything) and said if I let my friends do it here they can. I wanted to pack my **** right then but I had been drinking and had no where to go. I haven’t mentioned yet but I also have a daughter and she wasn’t there but had she been I would of probably stabbed him because it was within reach of her. Anyways so he stayed up with his friends till 8am in the garage while I was inside. Once they came inside I went out there and seen it was gone. He did it I knew it because the friend he blamed it on had already left. I went out and got a drug test and when he woke up he admitted it. He said there’s no point taking it because it would be positive. Now when he is sober he is the most amazing guy and most amazing step dad but when he drinks he can’t say no. He has no self control. He doesn’t know his limits. He Tells me it’s a social thing everyone does it and he doesn’t have a problem. I don’t care what everyone else does I don’t approve. He keeps saying he’ll never do it again when I catch him and I don’t know I just feel like an idiot. And if I stay I’m saying it’s ok. But like I said he’s an amazing person sober which is 99% of the time. I don’t know what to do. Am I just going to keep being hurt and disappointed or is there hope that maybe he will just stop. Maybe now that he knows I will drug test him?