First of all thank you for reaching out. It makes me feel like people actually care. I’ve been reading all kinds of posts and things on google and listening to podcasts and all these stories are so insane that I feel bad for complaining about what I’m going through because I feel like other people are going through so much worse. But then I realize if we don’t fix it when it’s at this point then we will eventually get to those real rock bottom points and no matter what stage of the process people are in it is important to talk about it and start working towards the best life. We haven’t followed through on all the “we’re going to listen to podcasts together and write out our emotions” all those things just yet because by the time my daughter goes to bed, we’re exhausted as well so I do hope this weekend we can do a lot of connection and discussing everything while my daughter is at the zoo with her aunt. From day one we both have agreed we don’t ever want to fight in front of her and even though we are supposed to be sitting down and talking, just in case emotions get the best of us and it turns into an argument we don’t want to do it with her there. Another good thing happened though. The neighbour asked my boyfriend to go have a beer last night and my boyfriend declined and said he was taking it easy. He told him tomorrow (so today) after work they could have a beer or two. First of all, normally, he wouldn’t of even told me that he was planning on having drinks with anyone. It’s always a last min thing so the fact he told me ahead of time I was ok with. He also knows I will be there as well as my daughter so I do trust he won’t do coke. He also told me he is going to tell the neighbour no more. I said it’s fine if you want to blame me so you can still seem “cool” or whatever. I don’t mind if I come off the “loser stuck up mature adult” because that is me and I don’t try and be ok with anything that I am not. So he is going to tell him not only he’s done doing it so don’t offer it to him but it’s no longer welcome on our property either. He lives across the street so he can go there and do it. Today is also my sister and brother in laws birthday who live about 40 mins from us so we are going to celebrate with them tomorrow and he offered to be the DD He is showing that this is what he wants and he is a very strong willed person (when he is sober) and I do truly believe if he cuts certain people out of his life and makes it well known to his “friends” not to even ask him to do it or let him know when they are, I think he can stay off coke for good. Only time will tell. Again thank you for checking in! It’s really hard to talk to my friends about it because they are only looking out for the best and tell me “you said if he did it again you were done” and I think I just need other ideas of consequences other than just leaving.