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A good person who naively got caught up in this epidemic. My story of no way out! Help!!

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by cassiek, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. cassiek

    cassiek Member

    Here's my story..and a little about me..I'm not sure why I'm here..but maybe some advice..or help with anything! I have been looking for a way out of this through treatment but I feel like I have gotten no where and I'm desperate and shameful and tired and most of all scared.. I been trying to get off these for so long and the withdrawal is so severe. . I can't do it on my own..maybe you all have an idea of what steps I can take because I'm not winning this fight!

    I am a 32 year old female. I'm also a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, cousin, a good friend. Those are all the things I'm proud of! The things that keep me going in this crazy beautiful life. I am a stay at home mother, as my husband and I own our own business. My husband and I are high school sweethearts..and have been together for 15 years and married 9 of those as of October 2015. I have 3 beautiful boys who light up my life and give j free the drive to keep going even when I feel like giving up. Their ages are 8 years, 4 years, and 7 months old. Cole, Emmitt, and Jaxson. My life would not be complete without them. We as a young family have had some ups and downs.. some trials and tribulations. .and even some devastating times. We have managed to pull together and keep it going, but not with trial and error. . Some where along the lines mommy developed a habit. ._it wasn't on purpose. .I had a medical reason and I trusted the doctor. I ended up having 3 surgeries in a matter of 19 days and prior to that g or pain management I was on high doses of opiates. To tell you the truth..I was so naive..the 1st time I experienced withdrawal I had no idea what was going on..I seriously though I was coming down with the flu.. I remember being in so much pain on top of it all because of my medical condition and I had run out of my prescription and was waiting on the doc to call it in..that when they were ready for pick mother went and got them as well as some over the counter meds for the flu.. when she arrived I took my opiate dose..went and drew a bath and was going to dose up with the dayquil but all my symptoms had cleared was the craziest thing.. it was then I realized what was happening..from that day forward I been deathly afraid of withdrawal. .and really having 3 kids I don't have time to have the be down and sick.. but then you realize you are chemically dependent.. or in other words I'm addicted. .I am an addict!! And that I'm not proud of.. so I try to focus on the good stuff..pretend like I'm not that person.. I have looked for help..there's nothing no one can do..I'm too broke to pay out of pocket. .and they don't take my insurance unless you are basically I'm to old. So the never ending cycle in my kids get older..the shame gets I guess who am I? I am a good person who is reaching out for help while drowning and I don't think anyone is going to save me.. and honestly with everything progresses in life I don't know how much longer I can hang on! I am desperate. .and I'm ready! I just can't do it by myself!
    lena_35 likes this.
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi @cassick. I'm glad you turned to this forum for support. Others will join in a while.

    I have to ask does your husband know what you are going through? If not, you should open up to him and share what is going on. You will need his support to help you through this. Sweep your shame under the rug because it doesn't help only hinders your success in beating this addiction. Another thing is to speak with the doctor who prescribed the medicine and what effects it is having on you if you haven't already.

    You are right in seeing that no one else is going to save you because this decision to get clean can only be made by you and you alone. But let it be known that there are a lot of members who have experienced what you are going through and will support you by sharing their experiences.
    MyDigitalpoint likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @cassiek... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing. Your story is so similar to so many others'. People start taking meds that their doctors prescribe, only to be held hostage by those same meds later on. It's a difficult thing, for sure.

    @MrsJones is right about a couple of things. If your husband isn't aware of what you're going through, let him know. Be 100% honest with him. Also, discuss your issues with the doctor who prescribed you the meds. Be 100% honest with him, too.

    Getting off those pills doesn't have to mean agonizing withdrawal. Under a doctor's supervision, you can be weaned off of the drugs slowly, which eases the withdrawal symptoms substantially. I know this because I got addicted to Klonopin that was prescribed to me and have been weaning off of it for a couple of years now. (Like you, I stopped taking it once and thought I was coming down with the flu.)

    If the original doctor won't help you, I would seek out an addiction specialist. A doctor who specializes in addiction can most certainly help you.

    It's terrific that you came here for support. It shows me that you really and truly want to get off of these meds and improve your life. We are here to help in any way we can.

    Peace and hugs.
    MyDigitalpoint and MrsJones like this.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    cassiek...welcome to the group. Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. The fact that you came here really lets us know that you are serious about finally getting your life back. I am sure it must be frustrating to seek out help and to be turned down. Like deanokat said you can get through the withdrawal with the supervision of a doctor whether it is your family doctor or an addiction specialist. Talk to your husband and let him know what is going on and how you need his support. Don't be ashamed it happens to a lot of people. You will get through this!! Keep posting!!
    deanokat and MyDigitalpoint like this.
  5. harold

    harold Community Champion

    Welcome and thanks for taking the time to share your story with us. Your story is familiar to that of many people who have ended up succeeding to get out of their own addictions. There are many people on this forum who will identify with you--people who thought that they could never get out. I understand your pain and frustration and desire to get out. No one enjoys being in an addition. No body wants to depend on drugs for what ever reason in the world. At the end of the day, I strongly--strongly believe that you can win this challenge. People often say that nothing good comes easy in life. Right now, something good is about to come into your life. Your freedom from the tight grips of drugs is about to come, but it is not going to come easy. You have to be strong. You will have to train your body in a different way. You have to say no to certain desires arising within your body. I believe that you need to share with your husband. Look for a suitable time and tell him about your addiction. He might just give you the kind of help you need. I wish you the best. Do not forget that nothing is too difficult when the right determination and action comes to play
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
    deanokat and MyDigitalpoint like this.
  6. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    I couldn't agree more with all the above posts, and certainly there is a way out but desperation is making you feel like not.

    This desperation may come exactly for keeping to yourself that addiction secret that is now suffocating you, but keep in mind this, whether the doctor you visit first or a new doctor can prescribe a substitute medication to fight the opiate addiction you have developed.

    Likely to be more effective if you visit a rehab center for this. They will monitor your progress and make adjustment to dosage to avoid you might develop a second addiction. By treating actual opiates with substitute drugs, the goal is helping you to quick addiction but, at a time, diminishing the unpleasant side effects.

    Approach to a counseling service, they may help you to find the answer on this and any other concern that may come after reading our adivice. Ultimately, feel free to share with us those concerns and we will do our best to give you the answers to help you in you way out. It exists, really.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. JRyan1909

    JRyan1909 Member

    Those prescription and over-the-counter drugs can be a real problem, man. I know, because I had surgery to remove my gallbladder a couple years ago, and thought it's usually a simple procedure, I had some complications afterward and had to be on Percocet, which I developed a slight addiction to in the span of days. Started taking one or two every few hours, then I started taking four, five, six. Actually kind of frightening how it developed like that, so in a way, I think I understand what you're going through. I think you need to realize addiction is often a symptom of some kind of mental or emotional pain or trauma. You mention you've got an amazing life, and I'm kind of wondering if your problems with drugs sort of dovetails from the stress and strain of trying to keep this image and this world going at all times, every single day. Have you considered seeking some counseling? There may be something else going on, though of course, I'm no expert. :)
    deanokat likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @cassiek... Just wondering how you're doing. When you get a chance, check in with us and let us know. We are here for you, my friend.