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A part of me

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by brian_33, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. brian_33

    brian_33 Member

    My name is Brian, and I suffer from a dual-diagnosed disoreder. I am not sure where to begin. At 9 I was diagnosed with adhd. (91'92') approximately. I'd like to point out that the prescribing of stimulants/others, wasn't as pervasive and widespread as society/pharms/gov/whoever list for the past decade. Anyways, back to 4th grade. I developed some tics and bad side effects from 'RITALIN'. Which was the number 1/2 medicine for adhd adolescence. I always felt a sense of not fitting in. A feeling that is so hard to describe in words. It's as if I was the odd-one out,social outcast,introverted, I don't know, even to this day. I would dread going to school and get in trouble for being late(cuz I knew what laid ahead. Coming from a parochial garde school to being shipped to the *REAL WORLD*(HS). Every day was worse than the last, I knew maybe a handful off people but no socialization with hardly anyone. High School was very confusing for me. As I'm sure it was for most people,whomever. I'd skip school to not have to face any type of harassing, flicked spit or put down in any way imaginable. I was always very quiet and shy from adolescence through present day 6/12/16. My family and school counselors thought I just didn't want to go to school and they just coughed it up as (another) troubled teen. My GPA wasn't even above a 2.3 or so. Fell in with the wrong crowd(popular crowd) @ the time. I don't want to glorify any more of my past at this very moment. But long story short : 03' -met girl who used me and no matter what they said, I kept staying with her. I have a 10 yr, old son named Gavin with her and wish it was someone else. I just wanted to rebel for all those years being kept at bay from any taboo or other way of lfe/thinking. I'm glad I was able to experience what I went through. If it weren't for all my mishaps and crosses to bear, I don't think I'd be here writing this about myself. By exposing myself to fear, the fears of my life and the future maybe I'm not as unusual as I thought as I saw myself in moment's past. The addiction played a part when I met my son's mother. Alky, little MJ, that's it. Backtrack to 17, I was taking mom's pain meds and I think that might have been the "Planting of the Seed". USAF IN 2003, went through BMT @ LacklandAFB SAN ANT, TX. Again my social awkwardness veered it's head in. I was already having problems but the service didn't help the fact. I loved it and went to Tech School also in TX. I washed out due to academics and was honorably discharged with Sep. Pap. in hand. The hardest thing besides my addiction was to pick up the phone and tell my proud parents that they were that I was being discharged early. I don't remember the exact feeling of that particular call, but I never felt more of than just another joke. It stings to the core of my being to this day now. I believe that my creator has bigger plans, and trials and tribs.are just another spoke in the wheel of life for me. So much for (long story short). I'm glad that I went and told a small summary of my life. I was told countless times along with other cliches that. . . . " nothing in this world is by mistake. this time on Earth is on a lifetime lease. Wherever we go, do, say, or don't say in our lives will count for a much more appealing of our Life in the After. (my sole belief) only. I really hoped that I was able to convey different parts of my life to anyone. And to know that I am blessed to be here. Take care all, Brian.
  2. brian_33

    brian_33 Member

    me

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