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AA--Not Allowed to Date?

Discussion in 'Questions About Treatment' started by blur92, May 28, 2015.

  1. blur92

    blur92 Senior Contributor

    My friend had this issue with someone he was interested in. It struck me as odd but understandable to an extent. Basically, this guy and him had mutual interest in each other but because the former is a recovering alcoholic he was instructed not to enter a relationship. Doing so could set back his progress dramatically. Is this a common requirement for those in AA?
  2. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I guess the question here would be how much they had in common, and whether their common interests included drinking or taking recreational drugs together. I think if the heart and soul are involved in a genuine, growing relationship, nobody and nothing will be able to interfere with it. I'd say that in this situation one is well advised to listen to one's inner voice instead of the well meant suggestions of others, which includes AA.
  3. blur92

    blur92 Senior Contributor

    You make some valid points. I was wondering, though, whether this is a common incidence in AA. It makes sense, but at the same time it seems excessive albeit reasonable to some extent.
  4. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    This is something to think about. In my mind I dont feel that this is common. I feel that this person must have told a counselor something to make them feel this way. I would think that just to recommend that a person not be in a relationship with another person is a little forward.
  5. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I really don't understand how someone would be "instructed" not to enter into a relationship. I can certainly see why someone would advise you to weigh up the pros and cons but to outright forbid it seems a little extreme to me.
  6. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I don't understand the regulation they're imposing either, because I feel like it's a little too hard to regulate. I think they're well meaning, in the sense that they're probably offering advice not to get into a relationship for the reason that in recovery it's hard to be able to dedicate the time and emotional energy that a relationship requires, in many cases. However to place some sort of prohibited status on getting into a relationship certainly does seem a bit over the top. I feel like anything like that really needs to be the individuals choice -- there's plenty of people that really benefit from the strength a dating partner gives them.
  7. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    I know AA discourages that you start a personal relationship with your sponsor going beyond sponsorship, but I didn't know they would be censoring each member's involvement to one another.
  8. juno

    juno Community Champion

    There are different phases and steps to AA and during it there is a time when you can't date or get into a new relationship. I think it is a way of eliminating additional stressors that could lead someone to fall off the wagon. Why add extra work to your life when you are still trying to get your life back in order? I think it makes sense because after you are recovered you kind of rediscover yourself and that new person may have different interest as well as different type that they want to date. So, it is better to know the kind of relationship you want to be in as a healthy person before you get into one.