I fell in love with a heroine addict. That could be all I have to say and so many here would know and feel every stab that comes with that sentence. Before I tell you about his addiction I want to tell you about him. The him that I cherish and adore is everything I ever wanted in my life or ever will want in life again, the him that this evil bitch heroine is slowly killing. When I first met him him he was acting like an arrogant, uncaring asshole making crude remarks being a general jerk. But I listened closely to the sharpness of his wit and immediately sensed a much deeper intelligence not to mention he was sexy as hell looking like a bad boy. That's my weakness by the way, go figure. Anyway instead of replying to him in kind and telling him he was a basic jerk I was just really nice to him. It didn't take any time at all and he was the sweetest puppy dog in your arms you could imagine. He was just so amazed that I was being nice to him and we fell in love instantly. He's a freaking computer genius was studying for CNNC so funny and romantic...and Oh yes, and he's been on heroine for 4 years. After failing to quit on his own, he turned himself in for a warrant, when he got out from that on an ankle monitor he lasted 10 days, 10 days and he used again now he's back in for I don't know how long. I've seen him be in so much pain and crying that he doesn't want to use anymore he actually said this to me once when I told him I was afraid of losing him, "I love you baby. Don't ever forget or doubt that that. Please. I'll never stop caring, I'll never stop trying, I'll never stop hoping you'll be with me always. Are you f*#*k$ng kidding me right now?! That's the tip of the iceberg with him, his words are like art. I'm crying so much I can barely see what Im typing right now and I miss him so much! What do I do with this? I have come to realize I could possibly have to watch him die. I can't compete with that bitch no matter how much he loves me and wants to leave her. I only know this...I cannot leave him. I will however draw boundaries and say you will not do this or that to us and I may have to put distance but I will never ever in my little life ever leave this man. I will give my last breath to fight for his life and all of you who are suffering with this addiction you are beautiful and your smile and your life is precious and please know I genuinely care for all of you. If we fight and he beats this we win, you win, happily ever after, if not, I will not go down like a bitch! I will pursue her destruction relentlessly for the rest of my existence so help me God for him and for every precious life she has destroyed!
@LuvHimSo... I feel your pain, my friend. Loving someone who struggles with addiction is such an incredible challenge. There's a really great book out there that's written specifically for partners/parents of people with addiction. It's called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. I think reading it would give you a lot of great insight and information. I will keep you and your boyfriend in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm sending you both positive, healing vibes.
@deanokat Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It truly is appreciated. I will look at the book as I need all of the advice I can handle right now. Thank you again and sending healing vibes back to you friend. This has truly changed my life.
Well he was out of jail for 10 days and relapsed. The day before was so awesome. We were making plans and being happy. Felt too good to be true and unfortunately it was. At least he's safe back in jail. Go figure. This is my life now as I still can't leave him. Will I ever get to that point? I don't know. Day to day.
I'm sorry to hear this, @LuvHimSo. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith. Addiction is a b*tch. I hope at some point your boyfriend can overcome it. Sending thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way.