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Abuse around me

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Nikkishea21, Nov 22, 2014.

  1. Nikkishea21

    Nikkishea21 Active Contributor

    I was once involved with someone who was a marijuana smoker and drank heavily. He would drink and smoke to the point where it would seem as if his eyes would appear red and sometimes seem unable to be opened. He would go to parties with his friends and take me along. This would be about 12 to 15 individuals. When he enter these parties they would instantly find a corner and set up a table with alcohol beverages and get cigarettes and marijuana. There would be times when they would pass around the spliff and i would take it and smoke for a few minutes. I liked the feeling of it at first as it made me feel so powerful and capable of doing just about anything. I am usually a shy person but smoking gave me confidence i never thought i could have. This for me was something that i felt fantastic about and would tell my boyfriend to get my share of marijuana different from his. Surprisingly he told me that he did not want me to smoke, we fought over this and he unwillingly granted me my wish. I was using marijuana for almost six months and i felt like a superhuman. There was however a few drawbacks, i found that i was getting extremely aggressive and would easily get in conflicts with others, sometimes for no reason. I was aware of this, it was not a case where i did not know what was happening or had a mental block, i was aware of it all. Being someone reserved by nature, I did not like this side of it when the high was gone and felt embarrassed and and constantly found myself apologizing to people around me often. Persons around me expressed shocked in the changes in my demeanor. I decided that i was going to fight the urge to smoke but it was not an easy battle because it was always around me in the house. I got pregnant and was so excited because i really wanted a child, my boyfriend was also ecstatic. The story ends with me having a miscarriage around the fourth month of pregnancy and was told that the smoking was the reason for it. I told the doctor that i did not smoke upon learning of my pregnancy, he attributed it to me still being around the smoke in the house. This put a strain between my boyfriend and i because i blamed him and he blamed me. We grew apart and that was the end of my smoking era. I have not conceived any time after that.
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi Nikkishea21, I'm feeling sad right now for you and your loss.

    Just know that you have joined this group for support and we will be here with hopes to help you through this time of healing.

    Thank you for reaching out to us with your story.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that and hope you are feeling better now.
    It is good to know that you already stopped smoking and that will be better for you and the people around you.
  4. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I utter similar sentiments and trust Nikkishea21 will only grow from here. I am one who believes that we ought to learn from our experiences good or bad.

    I would further urge Nikkishea to leave the blame gamę alone and move forward with purpose. Focus on the more positive things in life and you will be happier for it.

    Your story can help people to turn their lives around.
    MrsJones likes this.
  5. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Seriously, it was not the cannabis smoking that caused your miscarriage, there has been no facts to prove this is even remotely true; all the reports about it either have the words "maybe" and "may cause," which is implied and not expressed - all facts are expressed of past events, not implied opinions. However, I do believe second-hand smoking inhalation can do harm to any humans, if cannabis is smoked from zig zag or cigar wraps.

    Honestly, it was probably best that you had a miscarriage, because there is no point in birthing and then raising your child around drugs.
  6. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    This is really sad to hear and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss. My heart breaks each time I hear such story. I hope that you continue to be strong and know that we're here to listen to you. Even though you have experienced these rough experiences, please be reminded that life is always better without substance addiction.
  7. proldani

    proldani Member

    Even if smoking alone was not the definitive cause of your miscarriage, you could take this extremely hard lesson as a wake-up call about your future life. You are still alive, which is reason enough to carry on and improve your situation, even if the loss of your baby will be with you forever.

    No matter what you are going through, there's always someone who is ready and willing to support you, sometimes you just have to ask for help. I wish you a lasting recovery, and a happy and productive life.

    Remember, you are not alone!
    MrsJones likes this.
  8. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story and opening up on your bad experiences. One thing that comes out clearly was that you were conscious about your actions and you took responsibility for them.You knew where you were going wrong and am glad that you finally put it right despite the miscarriage which was rather unfortunate.I hope that you continue on that clean path and i pray that you get blessed with children in the near future.
    MrsJones likes this.
  9. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    I am so very sorry for your loss. There is always hope at the end of the rainbow and being that you have quit, the possibilities of having a child are so great. Persons have had several miscarriages and still have successful pregnancies later on. Just stay clean and positive my dear, welcome to a great support forum.
  10. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Sometimes a miscarriage is a sign that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time and that it is not yet your time to have a baby. When the time is right and your life is where it needs to be, your wish will be granted. It is an awful experience and one that can never truly be forgotten and every chance you get you think of what went wrong, what you did for that to happen and how you shouldve done it differently but the truth is that you are out of life that was no good for you or a baby and you will get the opportunity to bring a baby into this world in a life that is meant for you to be in. Have faith and it will happen when it happens, when the time is right