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Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Rainman, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    In AA and a number of other recovery programs you'll have someone who'll be by your side to support you. They've been down that journey and can empathize . . .

    But whilst offering you the support and encouragement that will keep you going this will be someone who [beside yourself] will question you any time about your actions, attitudes towards the addiction, etc, etc.

    Do you think having someone you'll be accountable to can help an addict stay sober?
  2. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think it can help depending on how you yourself are as a person. Some people will need others to answer to and it will make them think before doing something.

    Others though might see it as an intrusion on their life. Why do you have to answer to anybody? It's your life and you lead it how you want. That's probably how most people will think, even when that other person is only trying to help.
  3. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I agree with @pwarbi above -- it really is such an individual thing as to whether that will work or push someone in the opposite direction. It can be such a fine line in an already emotionally-charged and vulnerable situation that for some people, that feeling of someone always questioning you can be overwhelming in the wrong way.

    For me, I think it would have worked well. I feel like a lot of the time I need to have that sort of accountability to stay on the straight and narrow - especially with the recovery journey.

    All of us are so different though as individuals, with our own motivators, our own frustrations. our own things that will make us feel better or make us feel worse about things. I think that's always important to remember with any sort of approach to recovery.
  4. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I don't think it depends on outer sources when it comes to such things, it's only within yourself and who you are and what your intentions and motives are. I think that having accountability will not help as much as you may think it is, it is the exercising of your will that matters.
  5. I think it's important to have someone I’m accountable to. When I am left to my own devices I find that it’s easier for my mind to wander and all those wonderful intrusive thoughts creep in telling me things like “it won’t be a big deal”. The important thing is if you are accountable to someone, make sure they understand what they are in for.

    The main person I’m accountable to is my wife and sometimes it’s difficult for her because I end up transferring a lot of my anger and frustration about not using towards her. I know it is not her fault and I am actually the one making the choice not to use but sometimes I still find myself thinking “she” is the only thing standing in my way.
  6. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Empathizing is important when it comes to being in a recovery program, but even being into, there are limits, like when you aren't supposed to empathize in excess with your sponsor to avoid conflicting situations.

    Similarly, getting engaged with others listening to their addiction and trying to help them go through requires of someone who, empathizing with them cannot only avoid doing it in excess, but also someone that is not prone to feel overwhelmed by others' problems.

    I tend to to be very apprehensive so not feeling to be the right person to be accountable for someone else despite I'm always open to help.
  7. SunnySkies

    SunnySkies Active Contributor

    Indeed. Engagement and empathy are important to the steps of recovery. Yet, we cannot take it too far. Everything must be done in moderation, but finding that moderation is very challenging, especially as it can and will change over time. That's why I'm always apprehensive as well.
    MyDigitalpoint likes this.
  8. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    something like that would work for me as long as the were older than, a male, and someone I can respect. otherwise, they would just annoy me.
  9. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    I can be really stubborn, and I question my own self almost constantly anyway. So this can be a double-edged sword for me. But there are definitely times I need to be called out on things, so there has to be some level of accountability, some level of having to answer to someone else (even if I don’t wan to). I guess the trick for me is finding that balance.
  10. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    I would have to agree with all the others ahead of me. I think it purely depends on how we see things. It would result to a positive thing if you see accountability to support systems as a pushing factor towards sobriety. But if you see it as an intrusion of your personal life or space, it could result to negative things like not attending support meetings or discontinuing the recovery process because you feel like you're being too pressured or controlled.

    I guess a recovering addict has to always remind him/herself that support systems are meant to help, not harm. They may seem to be way too intrusive at times but it will result in a positively sober life in the end.
  11. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I know what you mean, I'm the same.
    LilAnn likes this.
  12. rcdpink

    rcdpink Active Contributor

    Accountability is an important attribute of recovery from addiction. However the real issue has to do with how receptive and submissive an addict is to that person who they are accountable to.
  13. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I think its just a matter of finding the right type of person. I'm not going to be receptive to someone younger than me, or another female, or (and this one is going to probably sound odd) anyone I find attractive. There is a very specific type that I could respond to. Anyone else just won't work.
  14. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think it can work, because you are required to comply and report, and you wouldn't really sign up for that if you don't want to be under the hands-on guidance of someone, right? So for me, it can definitely help addicts stay sober.
  15. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Thats a good point. It isn't like its ever forced on you. Its all completely voluntary. And why volunteer if it isn't something you want?
  16. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Precisely, unless you changed your mind as you go along with the process. If you don't get along with your mentor, then you can just try to exchange him for someone else.
  17. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    If I was ever in a position to possibly need one, I don't know if it would work but I would be willing to give it a shot. I can see not being responsive, then.
  18. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    It is human nature to want to please others. It stems from when we were kids and we either did something to make our parents happy or not make them happy. We were punished when we did the wrong thing. I think addicts can benefit from having to be accountable because they have something to strive for...acceptance from another person.
  19. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    True, most people are "people pleasers", especially when you are indebted to them or when you will get something out of it, like in the workplace for example. While on the other hand, some people just don't care. I think that's where the hardcore addicts belong.
  20. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I disagree a little. I think the people who just don't care are more likely to not try the drugs to begin with. Why would they? They typically don't do anything to fit in or because of peer pressure.