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Addict son

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Tswcot, Mar 17, 2019.

  1. Tswcot

    Tswcot Member


    Anyone have a son who is an addict? He is 20 very smart but not mature due to his use of Pot at age of 14. Then wax then the worst one Xanax. He doea have ptsd, anxiety and depression. He is in inpatient rehab again.
    Anyone going through this and have any good recommendations or things that have worked to help son become sober?
    I do go to Alanon which has helped alot.

    Worried mom
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Tswcot... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. I am the father of a 29-year-old son who has struggled with addiction on and off since he was 16. He's also bipolar and battles severe depression and anxiety. Needless to say, it's been a long roller coaster ride for him and us. He's been to inpatient treatment 4 times, multiple outpatient programs, has been hospitalized several times for mental health issues, etc. Right now, he is sober.

    I think the thing that has been most helpful for my son is therapy. He has a very good psychiatrist and an even better therapist, and they really keep him on track. He's also taking medication for his mental health issues, which helps.

    I'm glad that you're going to Al-Anon. They are a terrific organization and they've helped me and my wife so much over the years. I also do a ton of reading on the subject of addiction. Have you read a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change? I think it's the best book out there for parents of kids struggling with addiction. It's full of helpful information and strategies, and it stresses the one thing a lot of parents overlook while they're dealing with their child's addiction: self-care. If you haven't read it, I recommend that you get a copy ASAP. It might be the best 10 bucks you ever spend.

    We're here to help, support, and listen. You are not alone, my friend. So anytime you might need to, don't hesitate to reach out and lean on us.

    I'm sending positive energy to you and your son. Take the time that he's in inpatient rehab to take good care of YOU. Because YOUR life matters, too.
    Dominica likes this.
  3. Tswcot

    Tswcot Member

    Thank you so much!! I always reach out to my sponsor who reminds me to pray to my high power and my son’s. I have to let him live his life too. I cant keep controlling ever aspect thinking i have the answers. I will order the book now. Reading the Alanon material also. What was the reason that he decided it was time to sober up?
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hello and welcome. I'm glad that you reached out here. I can understand a bit of what you're going through as well, as my 23 year old son is a drinker. I understand what it's like to want different for our children, and I also think Al-Anon is a wonderful support group and I'm glad you're going.

    The book Dean is talking about is super good. Here's another link to a 20-minute quick guide that's by the same people.

    It's tough to know when someone's going to get to their rock bottom or decide to quit for good. When I was about the age of your son I was over drinking plenty and what help me decide to stop was getting DWI. I went to AA meetings for a while and just decided to live life sober. But it's different for each person so we're not sure what it might take for him to want to change his lifestyle. I definitely find that prayer helps me and hopefully helps him.

    We do understand the pain that it causes you and the worry. I think that's why it's so important to reach out for support for ourselves. Because we deserve to live our lives without being ridden with fear. I always tell myself it's their life, their lessons, in their time.

    Just know that we're definitely here for support anytime.
    Tswcot likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Tswcot... I think my son just decided that drugs had caused him to throw away a number of years of his life and he wanted to start living again. But he still struggles from time to time. I don't think he will ever be "cured." It's going to be a lifelong battle for him.

    I don't know if you've ever read Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction by David Sheff, but that book was instrumental in teaching me that I couldn't control my son's addiction. This paragraph saved my life:

    "Like many in my straits, I became addicted to my son's addiction. When it preoccupied me, even at the expense of my responsibilities to my wife and other children, I justified it. I thought, How can a parent not be consumed by his child's life-or-death struggle? But I learned that my preoccupation with Nic didn't help him and may have harmed him. Or maybe it was irrelevant to him. However, it surely harmed the rest of my family--and me. Along with this, I learned another lesson, a soul-shaking one: our children live or die with or without us. No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die. It is a devastating realization, but also liberating. I finally chose life for myself. I chose the perilous but essential path that allows me to accept that Nic will decide for himself how--and whether--he will live his life."

    Dominica and Tswcot like this.
  6. Tswcot

    Tswcot Member

    Yes!! The movie is now on amazon prime but my Alanon sponsor thinks its too early emotionaly for me to watch it as i am going through it all still. I am listenyto beyond addiction on chapter 2 love it so far! So thank you so much for these recommendations:)
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My pleasure, @Tswcot. We’re both members of a club we didn’t sign up for, so we have to help and comfort each other as best we can. Like I said before, you are not alone. You can reach out to me anytime you’d like. :)
    Dominica and Tswcot like this.
  8. Tswcot

    Tswcot Member

    Thank you! Well he had a DWI and I have not bailed him out at all after except once. He just overdosed 2 weeks and i know that scared him so he does not want to be on any medication but has his med card and is thinking to go back on pot. I remind him that how he started and then states doing it alot and then started using xanax off the street. So its tough. I am going to finsh listening to beyond addiction and yes without my friends at Alnon and this forum I don’t know how i would stay strong and be able to enjoy a bit of my life with my husband.
    I would think he needs alot of therapy and dual Diagnoses and so i am going to do alot of digging around to see if there are any affordable places.

    Thank you again for listening and sharing.

    A mother
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Tswcot we are here anytime. i know for me, i have to make it a practice to not carry negative feelings that come when my kids aren't doing as i feel they should or could... that book is a godsend and glad it's resonating with you!

    some therapists will do sliding scale. worth asking..
    Tswcot and deanokat like this.
  10. Tswcot

    Tswcot Member

    Thank you yes. Well between the outpatient and therapy i think it will help get him to his good place. But i have to keep reminding my self the three ccc’s and that he has a higher power looking after him :)
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  11. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Tswcot very good reminding yourself! :) and know we are here for you anytime.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener