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Addicted to Ambien

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Going through the motions, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. How shameful it is to write this. I’m not even sure how this happened. Ambian is supposed to be taken before bed. 2 years ago my mom died (I cared for her in my home for many years until she took her last breath). She died with a ridiculous amount of Ambian pills left. I took them to help me sleep in the beginning. Later I took 5 mg in the afternoon to “get High” and to cope with social settings. Over the past year & a half, I’ve managed to get 3 legal (10 mg-90 pills total) prescriptions a month. I’m usually down to my last pill when it’s time to get new prescription. This month has been worse. I’ve taken 28 pills in the past 5 days. I crave them. I take little pieces at a time and before I know it I’ve consumed 50 mg of Ambien in a day. I struggle to remember what conversation I had or even what we did yesterday although I’ve gotten good at playing it off. No one, not even my awesome, loving husband has any idea. They can’t seen to tell that I’m on them. I honestly don’t know how to stop. I start taking them after my first cup of coffee & continue on piece by little piece all throughout the day. At night I use Seroquel to help me sleep. I’ve read that if you just quit taking Ambien, there’s a high chance you could have a seizure. I’ve tried to wean myself down and take less but, somehow I end up taking more without even realizing that I’m going back for more. I try to put 2 pills out & tell myself that 20 mg is my maximum for the day so I need to go slow and ration it out. Before I know it I’ve gone back into the bottle for more. I don’t drink, smoke, or smoke pot. My record is squeaky clean. I’ve never even had a ticket. I would be so ashamed if anyone knew I had this problem. I don’t even know what I would say for myself. On the other hand, I almost feel hurt that my husband hasn’t noticed. He is honestly the best man I’ve ever known. We’ve been married for 25 years. I wonder why it hasn’t occurred to him how often I’m getting a new prescription for Ambien? I want to gradually wean myself but I don’t seem to have the willpower when the cravings start. Of course, if I’m going to be in an uncomfortable situation or there’s any stress, any willpower I had goes directly out the window. I still have an 8th header at home. I still meet his needs, my house is clean enough, I smile & carry on like normal but I’m truly just going through the motions, always thinking about eating more Ambian. I tell myself “I will remember this” when we’re doing something fun & making memories but usually I’m lucky to have Swiss cheese memories of anything. I also have started avoiding things bc I act too outgoing on Ambian & later when I realize how chatty I was, I’m mortified. I often text friends with a way too long message. I’m so embarrassed! Has anyone else done this to themselves? I am so ashamed, how in the world did I allow this to happen? How do I stop it. God, please help me! This is my first time reaching out to anyone. I pray to God it’s confidential. My small town in a southern state would have this gossip running like wildfire if it got out. I wouldn’t be able to face anyone. Idk what I’d do if this became public
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Going through the motions

    Hello and welcome. Thank you for reaching out. Rest assured that this forum is safe and the only thing we can see about you is your username "Going through the motions". You are certainly struggling with addiction, and this does not make you a bad person. Addiction can affect anyone. I am a firm advocate of being honest with yourself and with your closest family and healthcare provider. The reality is that if you want to effectively get off of these drugs, you may have to come clean with several people. Perhaps an addiction specialist, who is supposed to keep everything confidential. Or your health care provider. It may be necessary to have that face-to-face accountability and direction. It can be quite dangerous coming off of any drug, especially if you are weaning yourself off.

    Your husband may have his inclinations about you abusing the drug. There are plenty of family members who sweep things under the carpet, not wanting to deal with conflict. It sounds as if your husband would be quite understanding and supportive. I certainly give you permission to tell him.

    I wish there was a super easy way for you to address this addiction, but the reality is it's not easy cutting the cords of addiction. And the reality is that you may have to reach out for professional help. And I want you to know that's all right. And in the rare case that people in your little town would find out, you would still be all right. What people think of you, EHH....it's not the worst thing in the world. What is important is that you get free from the prison of addiction, and able to be more present for yourself and your family. Freedom is more important than anything.

    Others will chime in, and I do hope that somehow this post will encourage or support you. Please know that we are here for you. I personally do not have experience with Ambien, but I know a little bit about addiction recovery. So know that you have a safe place to come here with people who really do care, who will never judge you, and will support and encourage you however we can.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Take a deep breath, you are safe here.There is always going to be someone or someone's who will criticize you for anything and everything, it's unfortunate but it truly says more about them than you or us,us being (addicts)TAKE pride in your courage, enjoy the freedom that you received simply by admitting you need help with your addiction, it takes a strong person to admit their faults honestly and openly and by doing so you have opened the door to a better life and you can now begin to heal.Addiction has no preference, no bias,and it doesn't see skin color or bank accounts, addiction welcomes anyone and everyone with only one goal in mind (Destruction)I do think you need to seek professional help from a qualified physician to safely detox,cold turkey can be dangerous and potentially deadly so please seek professional help. I don't know a thing about Ambian so I can't tell you what to expect but I can tell you we care and we will be supportive and encouraging so please reach out here anytime you need and we will advise as best we can.STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Going through the motions... Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing so honestly with us. I'm sorry that you're battling an addiction to Ambien, but I'm so happy that you want to overcome it. I know you can do that, my dear. And we will help and support you however we can.

    I think seeing an addiction specialist would be the best place for you to start. An addiction specialist is a doctor who is thoroughly trained in all aspects of addiction, so they know much more about it than "regular" doctors do. They can assess your specific situation and recommend the best next steps for you. If you need to find an addiction specialist, you can use the Find a Doctor link on the American Board of Addiction Medicine's website:

    https://www.abam.net/find-a-doctor/

    I know you are ashamed of your situation, but I want you to know you shouldn't be. There are millions and millions of people who struggle with an addiction to RX drugs. You are certainly not alone. Addiction isn't a moral failing; it's a disease. So try to cut yourself a little slack and start taking steps to help yourself.

    I'm praying hard for you and sending you lots of hope and encouragement. I know you can do this!
    True concern and Dominica like this.