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Addicted to chatting with women

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by mayasupernova, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Hello to all,
    I have to ask you if there is such thing as being addictive to chatting and typing with women on Facebook, if you were a guy.
    My ex boyfriend has this habit, so to say, that he can't seem to go through the day, if he does not chat to as many as ten girls/women, even if we were in a relationship.
    I did not about his addiction until I found out a few days ago, when we eventually broke up. He seems to have chatted with them, sending naked pictures, receiving them, too, asking for sexting with them; everything that would make my stomach turn, especially after I had read all of the messages. At least these he had not deleted...
    Eventually, we broke up because of this.
    Do you think this can get into the addiction basket, and is there anything that can help him not doing that any more, because, he also got aware that every relationship of his will suffer, because of that, in the future...?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @mayasupernova... I definitely think that sounds like an addictive behavior on your ex's part. I can also totally see why you would want to break up with him over it. As far as him getting help for it...I think I would suggest that he see a counselor. It seems like he may have some underlying issues that are causing him to behave the way he is. A good counselor could probably help him get to the root causes, which in turn could help him to stop the behavior.

    I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it's probably better that you found out about it sooner rather than later.

    Sending hugs your way.
    mayasupernova and Dwayneu like this.
  3. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    Personally, I don't consider this an addiction. It sounds much more like a sexual deviaton that was being hidden in a closet for a while. People do normally get sexual pleasure from an intercourse, not the activities like those written above. He gotta see a specialist if he don't wanna end up turning into a complete pervert.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @artyarson... People can get sexual pleasure--physical or emotional--from pretty much anything. Also, the dictionary definition of "addiction" is: "The condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity." It certainly sounds like @mayasupernova's ex has a habitual behavior. But maybe that's just me.
    mayasupernova and Dwayneu like this.
  5. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    Maybe he will be okay, If finds yourself a new partner who's into similar sexual stuff. In theory it might work.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I would think that is became an addict once he started doing it. He liked the attention that he got from the girls and he began to not care about his relationship. His only thought was chatting with these girls online and exchanging pictures. He liked the control that he had over them. He could flirt with them and get them to send him pictures or he would sent them ones of him and they would send ones back in exchange. He definitely has an underlying problem that needs to be addressed before he can have a healthy relationship. I am glad that you were able to get away from him. No woman deserve to disrespected in that way!
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.
  7. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    I think that this is more an habit, I don't want to generalize but when someone doesn't really have the best self esteem, you look for validation from other people, and Internet could work perfectly for shy individuals... I think that there are certain apps actually are just for this proposes.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  8. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    In a way, everything can be addicting. Think of it this way, he craves the validation and the stimulation from talking to these women. This fires up chemicals in his brain that make him feel good, so the only way to repeat that feeling is to do it over and over again until it becomes habitual.
    That's not to say that he can't make effort to improve it, seeing as he would rather get the attention from these women instead of respecting the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, it's for the best, and I am sorry you had to deal with it.
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.
  9. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    It is a problem. Especially if it seems like he can't even stop the behavior. He makes it something that has to be done daily. Sounds addictive to me.
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.
  10. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Ok, thank you guys for everything you said and for your good wishes for me, and also for standing next to me on this. Even if it not any habit, or any addiction, but something different altogether, the fact that he was doing these things to me, having me always pointing it out to him, and him not even seeing it as a problem, even when I cried over and over because of that, is what matters the most. He made me suffer, cry, so that he would call me on the phone, and continually ask me why would things like that make me suffer - he didn't cheat on me. He would not even acknowledge this as a way of cheating, especially because he was doing it all behind my back.

    Yesterday, it was my birthday, and instead of being happy, I ended up crying, again. I got a call from a friend who lives with him in the same village, and she told me I should get away from him, because he did not just text girls and women, but also had some secret meetings with them. One of them was this girl's cousin and she boasted about that to her, so she found it to be a good thing to let me know, before he hurt me again. She might have thought I would have forgiven him and come back to him. I told her that was not the case, and that no matter what other people say about him, I am not stupid, and I can see everything from his behaviour.

    Thank you again for all your support.

    It is indeed a hard time for me, because, after an emotionally painful relationship I had had with a guy before him, I really had thought he might be the one...It turned out he was even worse, and I suffered even more. I stayed for a month with him, wishfully thinking and believing he might change and see he was hurting me, a lot. Eventually, he just showed he would not stop doing it for anyone. I just hated the fact he told me he loved me, and he lied. I know I should not believe that he could love me after a month, but why would anyone tell you that word, and lie to you? It is just evil...
  11. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I used to have a "boyfriend" I hesitate to use that word, because I think there was only one of us in this relationship, and he was no friend of mine...he used to do that all the time. He spent 95 percent of his waking hours on Tumblr. To the best of my knowledge he wasn't having affairs on there...but he spent a lot of time gawking at women and saving their images..It was really insulting. Surprise, Surprise we broke up.
    Winterybella and mayasupernova like this.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @mayasupernova... Belated happy birthday to you! I'm so sorry you spent part of your special day crying over the situation with your ex. That's just not fair.

    That call from your friend definitely proves that your ex has some major issues. I know it's been difficult for you, but it's better that you found out about this stuff now rather than later on.

    Sending you virtual hugs.
    Winterybella and mayasupernova like this.
  13. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    It's not an addiction, that's for sure. People just can't commit to themselves for real and think they are cleverer than their partners. I know this because I used to be the same. By my nature, it's quite easy for me to talk to girls and to develop relations with them.

    Don't worry, it's actually better that you found out. You sound like a decent person who deserves a person who doesn't cheat.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  14. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    I am not sure if your ex boyfriend's behavior would be considered an addiction. He may just not be ready to commit to a relationship at this point in his life. Guys usually take longer to settle down than girls do... And this guy sounds pretty selfish! Hang in there, there are better people to spend your time on, like yourself!
    Winterybella and mayasupernova like this.
  15. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Sorry you spent your birthday crying. You deserved better then that. As sad and terrible as it is I am glad you found him out for what he was before you were married or had invested more time into this relationship. Happy belated birthday..hugs
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.
  16. Jorge Solis

    Jorge Solis Active Contributor

    Hello, I think this would be considered a sex addiction though I am by no means an expert in this field. It seems to me that what your ex was actually addicted to was sex and its different derivatives like sending nude pictures and sexting. I think it was the right decision to end that relationship because it was unhealthy to you.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  17. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    If he couldn't live a day without chatting with other women online, and since his behavior/actions are already affecting his personal relationships, specially his relationship with you, then I really think he has got an addiction problem. Well, if he has just talked to you about this issue immediately, I would have understood. However, the problem is that he hid all those things from you.
    mayasupernova and deanokat like this.
  18. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sounds like that is a real addiction problem. Good thing you have discovered that and let him go or stay away in your life. He cheated you several times based on what you have discovered and he will be just doing that again and again if he will not seek help for his addiction.
    mayasupernova and deanokat like this.
  19. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Oh lovely people. You made my day! Thank you for birthday wishes.
    Everything will be fine.
    As all of you have mentioned, it is way better I realised it now, than later when I would be more attached to him.
    Life goes on and what I can do from this situation is to try to learn a lesson. The lesson that will make me able to spot such bad boys prior to getting too close to them. I am just way too trustworthy and I believe in that saying: 'Do not do anything to anyone that you would not like them to do to you', or something in that respect. In my mind, there are no evil people.
    I wish he had told me about his addiction to sexting, and other women, on our first date...
    Thank you again and have a good day/evening.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    If I had to guess I would say that this young man has a lot of feelings of inferiority and chatting with women boosts his confidence.
    Maybe address the root causes as to WHY he feels the need to chat around.
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.