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Addicted to chatting with women

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by mayasupernova, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    If it were only chatting, like friendly, that's fine, but...sexting.
    Also, I failed to mention, but he spent 6 years in jail because he was, as he would say 'wrongfully accused', of dealing drugs...Though I have never believed that to be the truth..I was always feeling like he was doing that in the past, and there are also some other things that I put together..So, he would always find the excuse in this fact..that while he was in jail, the only thing he did was typing to women...And now it is his habit..
    But, still. Once he got out of prison, why not telling me that in advance, so I would have a choice, and maybe not end up hurt..? Plus, once you are out, then you try to change yourself, be a better man, that is what I would do anyway..Wouldn't you?
    deanokat likes this.
  2. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @mayasupernova Hello and welcome to this forum! First of all Belated Happy Birthday and may all your wishes come true. Don't be sad and do not make your life miserable because of that two guys who gave you pains and heartaches in your life. It is good as early you had learned his lying and his texting and chatting problems with other women. Just considered what had happened as a lesson learned and a blessing in disguise for you. Although something bad had happened in your past relationships and after discovering it at once it had saved you to suffer in a relationship that will ruin your life. Just be strong and move from the past. I just wish that the right man will come along in the the right place and right time in your life.
  3. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    And knowing that the others made your day brought a big smile to my face which I could say made my day. Lots of good can come when we put it out there and get insight from others looking in.

    From my understanding of addiction, your ex was/is in fact an addict.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Your boyfriend isn't a substance abuser but he does have an "addictive" behavior (as already mentioned) that ended up hurting his then-relationship with you. And I guess "addicted to chatting with women" was merely an excuse to be a womanizer. You're lucky to be rid of him now. It's best for you to move on and focus on people who matter more. You have a great future ahead of you.
  5. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Well I must say I understand completely what you have been going through, my current boyfriend does this too. He keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me but he just can stop messaging these girls. I've now been locked out of his phone because he says I keep snooping around. But what else should I do? He said he would try and stop but I need to know he has and locking his phone does not help his situation.
  6. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Maybe you never had time to spend with him that is why he thought that chatting could fill the gap. That he work? How did he manage working and texting? That habit is not permanent and I know that one day he will realise the negative side of it. Is it possible that he became addicted to chatting because of stress? You need to find out.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  7. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    It's not an addiction. His issue is incongruence. If he wants to play the field then he should never have gotten into a relationship. You did the healthy thing by recognizing that you don't want any part of that, and got out of the situation.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  8. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Oh dear, please do not let him do this to you !! It was the same with me, and even though he kept on saying he would not want to make me cry and hurt me any more, he also did nothing to back up his promises. And, even if I stayed with him, I am sure he would never! Please, you need to let go of him, he will just create a mess with your life, and hurt you even more..I know, I was there. Please, love yourself more. There are some great guys for both of us over there in the world, I am sure of that. But, maybe we need to wait more. Just get away from that toxic person.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    He is jobless. Yes, he had some stress in life, but I was there and I did my best to be there for him. I dedicated my time, energy and he became the centre of my Universe, and he was well aware of that - he used to say he wants to experiment with women, because he has not had many women so far (until he started working out, gaining some self-confidence and realising how this affected some women), and I should wait for him until he finishes his experiment!?
  10. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    So your unemployed ex spent all day chatting with other women online?
    No wonder you dumped him!
    Can I just say to the ladies if you man has no job and talks to other women all day long, just get rid of him.
    Honestly some of us here have had real addictions and real problems to overcome, which we did with hard work and lots of sacrifice.
    I am not convinced this is the case here.
  11. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think your ex is addicted to sex chat and not just casual, wholesome chatting. I think counselling and seeing a psychiatrist can help your bf with his problem. It's good that you found out about that habit early on, it would suck if you had no idea that all of this is happening behind your back.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  12. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    Talking to women online can be addicting, just as playing on the computer in general can be addicting. I would say that he is addicted to the rush of hearing from other women. It's knowing that he is getting away with something he shouldn't be doing. I would suggest him going into a therapy to talk about this with someone. This can only get worse as time goes on.

    An addiction does not make someone's actions lesson in how much they've affected you. I would stay far away from this man and move on with your life. If it's any comfort to you, you're much better off and he needs to deal with his demons on his own.
    mayasupernova and deanokat like this.
  13. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    Thank you so much for this encouragement. I just hope I can muster up the courage to leave him. We've been together for quite awhile.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  14. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Being with someone for 100 and more years should not be taken as an excuse to not care about yourself first, your own being and your own health. It can be hard to leave such a person, but going on with him, knowing how toxic he can be to you, is way worse, and will be even harder for you.

    Dear @JonnyMacdonald , I am sure you do not see the real problem here, and I am sure you think there are some real problems people have in their lives, but, first, you really do not have to be so mean about it, and second, each and every person considers different things to be a problem for themselves. For some, that can be alcohol addiction, for others drugs, but again for others some emotional things can present a great problem, trouble, headaches, etc. inevitably leading to depression, mental illnesses or heart failures, even. If you do not see this as a problem, maybe you should not have even replied to it, but saying that there are people with worse problems than this, and that you don't even see this as a problem, is quite mean. I would rather keep it to myself. But, again, I might be a person with no real problems, other than related to love, to you...
    listenlucy and Shenwil like this.
  15. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    I am not talking about you, I am talking about your ex. I am very happy he is an ex and not a current.
    I can't imagine this was great situation for you, not only am I proud of you for getting out of it but I think you are very strong for coming here to talk about it. On a weekly basis I come across someone who uses addiction/mental illness incorrectly. I feel this is the case with your ex.

    Could be saying they are "OCD" because they are mildly anal about being organized.
    This is insulting to people who actually suffer from this condition.

    Could be someone saying they are "addicted" to watching Grey's Anatomy.
    This is belittling to people who struggle with real addictions.

    Some people are just jerks, but will blame addiction and try to not take responsibility for their actions.
    If this is mean of me to say then so be it. But I don't think it was fair to you for this man to manipulate you like that.

    He sounds like someone who doesn't take responsibility for his actions, from the "wrongfully accused" of being a drug dealer to being "addicted" to explicitly chatting with woman online while being in a committed relationship. I should know, I too lived a life where nothing was ever my fault, I used every thing I could think of to get out of actually accepting responsibility for my actions. I deserved no sympathy for my terrible behavior. I am lucky that by the grace of God I woke up and realized my mistakes and made every effort to correct all the wrong I made over my life.
    Perhaps he will one day too come to this realization. But in the meantime he's just another jerk, and you deserve better.
    deanokat and mayasupernova like this.
  16. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    @JonnyMacdonald I awe you a sincere apology. I am sorry I did not realise whom you had in mind when you said that thing. I am sorry again and again. I guess I have to blame my own frustrations for not reading it well. Now when I read it again, I know you did not mean to say that about me. And you are right about him. He is just an irresponsible person, and no one deserves a man like him.
    Thank you for your kind words, and that you did not get mad at me..
    JonnyMacdonald and deanokat like this.
  17. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    It could be that the sneaking part is triggering some chemicals or pattern in his brain that gives him a rush and becomes addictive. Maybe some people could make it work in a relationship -- provided that he could respond 'I'd love to!' if a girlfriend said she'd be interested in being there with him as he sexted other girls as a sort of kink. If he can't, then it's not just a kink, I think, it is probably more a deeper rooted issue. Either way, since the number of girls who'd go for that might not be that high, that he talks to a therapist (sex specialist or not) might be a good idea. 'Cause I don't think they have rehabs for that just yet.
    mayasupernova likes this.
  18. dkelly

    dkelly Active Contributor

    I'm sorry that you went through this. Even though you guys have broken up your feelings of hurt and betrayal are very valid. It may very well be addictive behavior especially if he is unable to control his impulse to do these things.
    mayasupernova and deanokat like this.
  19. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Yes, my feelings were hurt indeed. But, I got to say I am getting over him. These days some great things started happening to me, and life is taking a new turn. Thank you for your support and understanding.
    I left him be. He might not find himself; he might not get over that addiction, or whatever that is called; he might not even have a relationship, like a real one, but whatever he does have, I always wished him well.
    Life will go on, and it will erase everything bad.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @mayasupernova... I'm so happy to hear that your life is taking a new, positive turn! Yay for you!! Always remember that YOU are the most important person in your life!! :)
    mayasupernova likes this.