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Addicted to meth

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Another gma on meth, Mar 7, 2019.

  1. I'm new here, but would like to post my situation and hopefully get some feedback.
    I too am a gma on meth. I've been using for about 23 years. I am getting to a point that I feel I'm starting to think it's time to stop. I feel nervous bcuz I know it will be extremely hard. I'm a mother of three and gma of four. I love all my kids and grandbabies so much. And honestly, I don't feel like I'm your typical addict. In some ways yes, in that I don't work anymore, I lost all my teeth, but have dentures thanks to my mom, I use meth everyday bcuz it's gotten to be routine for me and bcuz if I don't I go thru withdraw symptoms. Also as a result of my addiction, I've racked up an arrest record that I otherwise would not have. The ways I feel I'm not your typical tweeker is that I feel like I still have a pretty good grip on reality. I have taken care of all four of my grandbabies since the day they were born as a babysitter for my daughter's. They have trusted me with them bcuz I'm not all spun out. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments, when I'm not being gma. But for the most part I'm still pretty rational, and normal and functional. My family has suffered bcuz of my addiction, I'm aware of this. I don't pretend to be perfect and some of my family relationships have irrepairable damage. I feel that I've been shamed and treated unfairly by family members in an effort to make me change. But it's only made me bitter. It hurts me alot that they treat me the way they do. They don't understand that in spite of my drug abuse, I am still a human being and I still have feelings. I am seriously thinking about an inpatient rehab, but I have not begun to look into it yet. I'm not sure when my transformation will begin, but I do know that I don't want to be this way until I die. If anybody has any ideas on how I go about this I'm definitely interested in hearing your advice. Thank you for listening.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Another gma on meth hey there. welcome! thanks for reaching out. i'm glad you want to start making some changes. functional or not, you know meth messes with you on every level to some degree. and yeah, you'd feel better all the way around getting off of it.

    inpatient would probably be a great path to take. start doing your research on where you might be able to, and all that. what are your thoughts on 12 step group? therapist? all are helpful... hit this recovery from all angles !!!

    hurt people hurt people. your family might not be able to see far beyond their own pain.... projecting some of that onto you. try not to take it personal. underneath that addiction, you truly are a remarkable soul. kind. compassionate. good. addiction is a disease.... not an excuse... but a reality. however, you get to choose a life where you work your butt off at recovering from it best as you can... :)

    know we are here to encourage you however we can.... we care and want the best for you!
    Another gma on meth likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Another gma on meth. And thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you've been addicted to meth for so long, but I'm glad to hear that you're thinking of quitting. That's progress, and that's a good thing.

    My suggestion to you would be to find an addiction specialist in your area and set up an appointment with them. An addiction specialist is a doctor who is thoroughly trained in all aspects of addiction, so they know much more about it than a "regular" doctor. They can assess your specific situation and recommend the best next steps for you. That could be inpatient treatment. Or it could be intensive outpatient treatment (IOP). And/or other things.

    Addiction is a family disease, for sure. While you may regret how you've been treated by people you love, please understand that they are hurting, too. It's hard to see someone you care about struggle with addiction. I can pretty much guarantee that your well-being is their main concern. Unfortunately, sometimes that can come across in negative ways. Try to look past it, though. And know that you are not a bad person. Addiction isn't a moral failing; it's a disease.

    We are here to help, support, and encourage you. We will listen, too, always without judgment. So don't hesitate to lean on us anytime you feel the need.

    I'm proud of you for finding us and posting here. And I'm sending you tons of love, light, and hope. Happy Friday!
    Another gma on meth and Dominica like this.
  4. Thank you both for your kindness and encouraging words! God bless.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    deanokat likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you doing today, @Another gma on meth? If you get a chance, stop by and check in with us. We're here and we care.
  7. I'm sorry, I just saw your message. I've spent the weekend in doors catching up on some much needed r & r. I'm doing good. Thanks for asking. Also I've been listening to the audiobook beyond addiction. Thank you!
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Another gma on meth hey there! glad you got some rest over the weekend!! that feels good, i'm sure!

    i'm glad you're liking the book. i love reading... and listening to books. helps my mentality for sure, and helps me make changes.

    i hope you have a beautiful tuesday!!
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Dominica likes this.
  10. Today, actually last night I shared with my youngest daughter about my thoughts of rehab. She was surprised and started to get emotional. I asked her why she was emotional and she said "bcuz you really need to do this mom" I explained to her that I've done it so long that it's routine for me. And I told her that I've thought about recovery many times but have always avoided it bcuz I am scared of going thru withdraw. That it's just easier to keep doing it. And I told her that the broken pieces of me are so scattered for so long that I don't know where or how to pick them back up. She said "I'll help you"
    That was nice to hear and I felt like she was really listening to me and my concerns and not judging.
    True concern likes this.
  11. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Another gma on

    I'm really glad to hear this. I'm glad that she listened to you and was so supportive. I'm sure it is scary to think about going through withdrawal, but know that it is possible. I'm sure you have thought a lot about getting clean over the years. But it seems like now you feel as if you are really ready to give it a 100% try. Your task is to figure out what recovery path you'd like to try. If you can get to a treatment center, I think that would be wonderful. And they have professionals there they can help you start Gathering those pieces of you that you've lost over the years. Sometimes we just need a little help.

    I know I've been super grateful for therapists and other support measures throughout the years when I needed them.

    Again, I think it's great that you shared with your daughter and that she was so supportive.

    I hope you have a beautiful day!
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    This is a beautiful thing, @Another gma on meth. Truly. I'm so glad you had this conversation with your daughter, and that she was non-judgmental and supportive. I'm so proud of you for talking openly about your issue with her.

    I know you're scared of going through withdrawal, but if you get professional help they can assist you with your detox and minimize the withdrawal symptoms. Trust me: They will make sure you are as comfortable as possible. I still think the best first step for you would be to consult an addiction specialist. They can tell you what they think your best option for treatment would be.

    You can do this. I know you can. And I think you're at a point where you want to do it, too. That's a huge step in the right direction, for sure.

    Please know that we are here for you. Always. No matter what.
    True concern likes this.
  13. Thank you both very much! I do feel I'm ready to conquer this mountain. It's been along time coming. I know it will be hard but I do agree that with the addiction specialist and the right path it is attainable for me. It is time for sure. I'm starting to look into things and seeing what my insurance will cover. I have ahcccs which is state funded medical assistance here in Arizona. So it's just a matter of time. Btw, deanokat, I started the audiobook of beyond addiction after you told me about it. I'm also listening to another called never enough. Both are very interesting and informative. Thank you again, I'll keep you posted. Have a great day to you both!
    deanokat likes this.
  14. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    @Another gma on meth I'm glad you are here. It's great you shared that with your daughter. It sounds like you are taking the right steps towards sobriety. Congratulations!
  15. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You're very welcome, @Another gma on meth. I'm glad you're ready to slay the beast of addiction. Yes, it will be hard. But I guarantee it will be incredibly worth it. Keep educating yourself about addiction, too. Knowledge is power!

    We're always here for you. :)
  16. This is a mental health issue not an addiction and it requires a psychologist. Best wishes.
  17. How is it a mental health issue? I'm telling you I am addicted. I do not feel I can stop on my own.
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  18. Thank you. I feel that I am ready for sobriety. I have avoided it for so long bcuz of my fear of having to cope with the ugly physical and mental withdraw. Actually I feel if the physical withdraw can be minimized, I can get thru the mental part. I have dealt with so much stigma about being an addict from my own family. It's actually been more like psychological abuse. And I've managed to handle it pretty well without going completely crazy. It's really hard sometimes and I have a hard time understanding how they can be so mean bcuz they are hurting. In my opinion, they don't know what hurt is until they walk 1/2 mile in my shoes. And I realize getting addicted to meth was my choice. But it doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like scum.
    True concern, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

  20. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Another gma on meth you're not scum. you are a precious soul. a spirit clothed in flesh and that flesh got addicted to a drug. the part of you that is addicted?? not the real you. there's drug-addicted you and then there is the spirit part of you, which is divine, love, peace, joy, and more.

    try to remember this.

    now, getting through withdrawal can be daunting, but not impossible. are you able to get medical help through the detox? this can help. you'll probably need some support, even support group perhaps.

    just don't give up, ok?

    i think the comment about a psychological issue is more about treating the underlying cause of addiction, which is usually some sort of trauma or abuse. Oftentimes from childhood....that people don't really get through or heal..they stuff it and it's stuck in their subconscious...and it can cause one to reach for booze and drugs, b/c it feels painful... then it starts this addiction cycle.. you're hooked on the drug and you can't even get to the root cause b/c of fear of having to go through withdrawal to get off the drug....

    ugh, right?

    this is why help is oftentimes necessary. let the experts assist.

    it's a both/and. treat the drug addiction, AND any underlying emotional or mental health issues or how about all the crap that has never been dealt with or processed starting all the way from birth???

    i'm rambling.

    hope you get something out of this rambling... but know that I care about you.
    I SEE YOU...and you are a beautiful soul.... capable of many wonderful things... and you matter.
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