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Addicted to self pity

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by E.Mil, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. E.Mil

    E.Mil Community Champion

    Have you ever met someone that no matter how much you try to encourage them and lift them up so they can better themselves it just doesn't seem to work. This person constantly puts themselves down and finds the bad in everything. I know there is depression and then I think there is someone who just wants everyone to feel sorry for them. Can a person possibly be addicted to self pity?
  2. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I think calling that an addiction would be a little too much, I have met a lot people like that and to be honest I think they are just incredibly negative people. My mother is just like that, if it wasn't because she is my mom I'd have walked away from her a long time ago, but truth is she really gets in my nerves sometimes. She always sees the negative thing and is a really nervious person. She makes feel nervious and anxious.

    I was just at home a few hours ago, something made my mom upset (she suffers from OCD and doesn't like people to park near her ''spot'' - the neighbors parked close to the border of her territory and she freaked out) I could feel the muscles in my back getting tense. They still are... my mom has that effect on me most of the time.
  3. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I know a couple of people like that. I dont mean to be hateful, but it annoys me more than any other personality traits. I think its more about being an attention hound. maybe the attention they enjoy the most is pity. but its like they dont even realize it isnt pity that people feel for them after a while. its aggravation.
  4. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    For me it's the people who always find the negative side of everything, sadly my future mother in law is like that. You know what she told me some days after her son proposed me and I said yes? She said: Ow, you can still say no''. And then some weeks later when I was telling her she shouldn't worry about me and her son, that I know how hard marriage can be, and that I know how to deal with the problems that might come across she was like: ''Oh well, you never know, things might change when you move in together, he might change and become a nightmare''. LOL, thanks for that!

    That kind of people get on my nerves, those are just incredibly negative people. My mom is not like that, you know, not like that woman who can be so mean and negative in a very insidious way. I dread spending time with her.
  5. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Oh my goodness, YES! My current mother in law is like that. My husband paid for a car, with the help of some of his mom's friends. She didnt put so much as 1$ into it. So last night, when she is leaving for work my husband tells her there are no windshield wiper blades on the car. She yells that he should have told her BEFORE she bought the car, and storms out, slamming the door. Whatever happened to, "hey I got a car given to me. Yay! I'll just buy new wiper blades!!"

    Its always her wanting to be mad about what she thinks someone MIGHT do, no matter how ridiculous it is, or crying because another famous person died or someone's dog she hasn't seen in 13 years. Any excuse to be mad or to cry, but she ignores all the reasons to be happy. I don't like being around her for that reason.
  6. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh my, she does sound like my future mother in law, lol. Jesus, I feel so bad for your and your husband. Have you noticed how when you bring this kind of things to the attention of your husband they seem so obvlivious? Like they can't really seed them the way we do, or maybe they just don't want to? I have gotten mine to admit there is something wrong with his mom...

    Wasn't so hard, I mean, she and her husband were trying to separate us, only because she got as mad as a rabid dog because I forgot the wrapping of a pregnancy test (I forgot it, wasn't my intention) she was furious. She went on to accuse me of plotting to trap her son by getting pregnant, even tho he had already proposed me weeks earlier.

    Then her husband and her tried to talk trash about me to my SO. Accused me of things like I wasn't going to work after I recovered, and that I'd be a burden his entire life, etc. Those two are completely nuts, I tell ya. All because the wrapping of a pregnancy test, did I mention she was yelling like crazy and threw it at us? They'd not even look at me during dinner, let alone talk to me. They never apologized, even tho they knew I did nothing wrong.

    Some people are just awful, I hope your father in law is not like her? I was unlucky, I have two nut jobs as my in laws. Oh god... christmas and the other holidays are going to be so ''interesting'', lol.
    LilAnn likes this.
  7. LaraLara

    LaraLara Member

    You have got to realize that people like this always have constant criticism of themselves going round in their head. Always "your not good enough, you know they're only doing this because you make them feel like they have to, your worthless, you do nothing for anyone around you, you should be ashamed of yourself, everything you do is wrong, your ugly and no one wants to be your friend" etc...
    Eventually it becomes true, they become bitter and it takes a very very strong intelligent person to be around the,. My mother is a constant victim, has been her whole life, its always someone elses fault, I've gone in the opposite direction and blame myself for everything. The important thing is that I do try and take responsibility for it.
    LilAnn likes this.
  8. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    It seems like the difference between depression and the victim mentality is how willing someone is to share their damage with others. Both can be full of excuses sometimes, I know I can be like that when I’m depressed. But if someone’s broadcasting it to everyone they know, I tend to be slightly suspicious. Then I feel kind of bad for being suspicious, haha. I know what it’s like to feel sorry for yourself, feel like you’re not enough, etc. and I would hate to discount anyone who has issues with these things… but there have been a handful of times I’ve wondered if they were just seeking attention, I’ll admit that.
  9. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Unfortunately, his dad passed away in 2011. Its a shame because he could handle her BS. He asked my husband to take care of her when he was gone. Well, here we are. She doesn't want to work, but she wants to spend money. She has to have the best of everything... Folgers, Marlbobo, Charmin, all of it. The worst part is she told my husband she couldn't work because she was depressed and has anxiety. When he told her we all do, she says, "oh, so I'm no better than anyone else?" And she wasn't joking. I haven't even touched on the really bad stuff. Not to belittle anything that people are going through, but sometimes I think there should be an entirely separate disorder for bad mother in laws. This woman is horrible. It's a shame we don't have the money to send our in laws to Tahiti. Then everybody could be happy.
  10. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    When I was younger I had the same type of issues. I would blame myself for everything, but I never opened up to anyone about it. I wanted people to think I was as happy as they were. It never changed until I moved to a different state and someone told me I was pretty. Thats all it took, and it took 15 years for someone to say it.
  11. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Thats when I get suspicious. My issue with it, though, is I can't understand why someone would want everyone to know all these bad things. People need to vent, I get that. And I will never tell anyone that I'm too busy or uninterested to let them talk to me. But when it's constant facebook status updates about one thing or another then I stop being sympathetic and become, well, less than willing to talk.
  12. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Yes, it's terribly difficult to break from this terrible habit of feeling pity for yourself. Many folks are unfortunately trapped in this and they see no way out. What's worse is that they actually never attempt to find a solution to their problems. Or even if they do, they give a halfhearted attempt rather than truly making an effort.
  13. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    Many people suffer with mental issues such as wallowing in your own self pity. That is a legitimate mental issue and I think that many people fail to understand the importance of studying mental health. It really is a serious topic and more people are sick than people give them credit for.
  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Lol, totally! It feels good to share this kind of things, so far most of the people I have met seem to have OK mothers in law. When I was little I didn't even understand why there were so many jokes about mothers in law, now i do. Some of them are awful, justl ike mine and yours. Actually mine sounds a lot like yours. Is she also prone to contradict you guys a lot? To the point she always intrudes in conversation between the two of you?
  15. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    Yeah, I feel the same way. I suppose it’s because I withdraw when things get really bad for me, as do many other people I know who have tendencies toward depression. So I have difficulties understanding why people would want to broadcast it so widely.
  16. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I do the same thing. I have always been this way...ever since I can remember.
    All I can think is Munchausen. Which is as bad if not worse than any other addiction. Would that not be the same thing?
  17. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    YES!!!!!!
    Even if we have a little spat she's right there getting in the middle of it. We were arguing one time, (not 'fighting' but a heated conversation). She steps through the doorway and says, "I was eavesdropping and I just want to say..." She's an LPN who thinks that having a nursing license means anything medically related that she says is automatically true. Even when she's full poo> She told me once that my blood pressure being 170/130 was high but she's seen higher. It's nothing to worry about. And her saying that was supposed to automatically make it true. I had a doctor freak out on me because I was at 160/116. He was a shrink so he made me leave his office immediately to go to the ER.

    Maybe we should start a forum for in law victims, like ourselves. Every opportunity I've had to talk about this I end up writing a book before I even realize.

    mine's really stupid. I mean dumb as a rock. She got sooo angry at an IQ test that gave her a score of 83. Because she knows she's smarter than everyone else. On a REAL IQ test, (not the internet) I scored a 136. But she has mentioned more than once that sometimes I almost convince her I'm as smart as she is. Its supposed to flatter me.

    I'm starting to get suspicious... can there really be more than one? Or is she living a double life?
  18. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    LOL, omg!!!! Mine is also dumb as a rock, she is so dumb and lacking so much common sense I don't even need to see her IQ test results, lol. But gosh this:

    Sounds so much like something my MIL would say!!! OMG!!! She is just like that!! Before my fiance bought the house, we were talking about me going with him to check the house and make some questions, etc. She then saw me with my glasses on (I never wear them) and she said I looked so smart. She then went on to say she looked so dumb, but she could use that as an adventage during the negotiation to buy the house, because in fact she is so smart.

    Her husband is not the sharpest pencil in the box either, but they both really like to think they are and do whatever they can to keep that delusional lie. The wife is the most difficult one tho, she will do whatever she can to prove you wrong, literally everything you say in front of her has the potential to turn into a debate. Even if she is wrong, lol. What she says is true, she knows more than you, me and everyone else in the world, lol. At least that is what she likes to tell to herself.

    Also everything you say she will assume you were talking about her, even something like: ''cancer rates must be so high over here because of the way people eat'', she will assume you were crictizing her diet. It's a nightmare, no idea how her husband stands her, neither my fiance. Is your MIL like that as well?

    Lol, we totally should! There should be a contest to find the worst MIL. I think ours would win :p But seriosly, a place to talk about this kind of things would be so helpful... Having to deal with someone like this is tough. I haven't seen her since the pregnancy test incident, but once I move in with her son I will. I still have no idea how to approach this.
  19. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    A person who always self pity or feels sorry for themselves has no room for improvement in their life. How can they can strive to succeed in life if they will always envy others people achievements and success if they will always have this kind of emotions that they are miserable and why they are not like them This feeling sometimes give the person a reason not to try where in fact they had the chance to achieve or to succeed also in their life. I think this is a form of negative attitude only but not a form of addiction.
  20. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I have known many people who are constantly feeling sorry for themselves. They think they are the target of everyone and blame all of their misery on external factors. They can't take pride in what they do accomplish so never strive to do more. It's sad and frustrating, but there is nothing you can really do to make them feel better about themselves.