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Addicted to self pity

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by E.Mil, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    When I was the most unpopular kid in school, I missed out on a lot because I assumed I would fail.The couple of times I did try were complete disasters. So, after a while I quit trying. I didn't try anything after that for at least 6 years.
  2. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I think you can make a big difference, even if you don't know it. I thought I was as ugly as they come until I left the state for a while. It took one guy asking me to military ball to change the way I felt about myself.
  3. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    OMG, the ego on some people... I think the assumption that they are better than everyone else is a product of stupidity. You can't have one without the other.

    Do they act like everyone who meets them loves them and is silently BEGGING for the chance to do something for them? And, of course, all the pets love them the most. When my dog doesn't immediately do what I tell her to, my mil will get a "its so hard being so loved" attitude and try to tell her what to do. It makes me so happy when my dog doesn't listen to her. Or even if her dogs listen to me better than her, because I'm the only one who takes care of them. My husband's puppy, that "puppy momma" kind of ignored other than feeding, had been my baby since birth. She will follow me where ever I go. She will also follow the in law in the bathroom. She follows everyone in there. But the in law swears its only her because the puppy loves her more than anyone else...
    After my husband had hernia surgery, the inky money he had was what he put up for his pain med after surgery. The doctor was going to give him percacets, but the in law said lortabs may be cheaper. She makes some phone calls and comes back to tell us that percacet and lortabs both will be 55$. He probably wouldn't be able to get it because he only put about 30$ up for the meds. She did this because she was out of cigarettes and didn't have the money for any. He was going to have to go without or borrow money from someone else. Even the doctors and nurses said it just isn't true. The loratbs would be about 20$ and the percecet just slightly. She was going to deprive him of his pain meds because she wanted smokes. When we went and got the lortabs she went in with the 20$ (like the nurses said would cover it) and gets his tabs. when she comes back out the truck, she tells him, "you're lucky I know people". Apparently, pharmacists love her so much they will give her a 20$ prescription for only $20.

    I'm sure most people would read this and think I HAVE to be lying and making this up. Well, cross my heart it's the truth. And that isn't even the worst of it. She believes she is better than everyone else and is, therefore, entitled to whatever she wants, at the expense of everyone else. Just like the way she believes we are obligated to believe her lies. My husband even admits it, that she will lie more often than her telling the truth.

    A little bit of humility can go a long ways, sometimes. But how do we make them a little more humble without our husbands thinking we're just being mean?
  4. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I hate to say it, but I'm not surprised she did that. If I honest with you... your MIL certainly fits the bill for what can be better described as a ''Narcissist''. EVERYTHING you have told me points to that, the lying, the manipulation, the delusions of grandeur, her willingless to leave his son with no pains meds just because she wanted cigs, the fact she feels she is so special and entitled to everything she wants, putting down others, etc.

    I am pretty sure she is a narcissist. I really think my MIL also has a similar problem, she is awful... but I am not entirely she is a narcissist or she is just plain crazy and mean. But she surely has some sort of mental issue, same for her husband, he thinks it's ok to make jokes about how people looks and so on. The guy seems to be a bit nuts as well, specially when he also accused me of not learning their language fast enough! After just 3 weeks learning that language... CRAZY.

    I feel for you :( I bet sometimes you have the hardest time putting up with her crap! I know I do with my MIL, I swear the air feels denser when we are in the same room. They never apologized for treating me so badly those 5 days. No way in hell I will talk to her like nothing happened, I tried last time and it was awkward. Does your husband force you to spend christmas with her??

    Mine will, he wants me to spend christmas with his whole family, incluiding his sister who was making fun of me with my MIL in her baby's room last christmas. I don't stand this people, I tried to be friends with his sister, but instead she behaved like I was some kind of intruder. One can feel when one is not welcome since day one, lol. I think it's because of my race... did I mention the dad has cracked some really offensive racist jokes at my expense?!
  5. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @LilAnn ...After 6 years of not trying what happened? I do hope that you do not have the same feeling anymore when you are just a kid....Me also when I was still a kid I am the same like you. But as I grew up to be an adult my views in life had changed :)
  6. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I have definitely met people like this - the epitome of what we call "Debbie Downers" here.

    It's like nothing can break them from their funk, they're really just like a wet blanket and it can be super hard being around people like that.

    Sometimes I think it's just a coping mechanism though - they either need the attention of being down in the dumps all the time and having people feel sorry for them, or they perhaps might have depression or something along those lines and everything does seem overwhelmingly bad in life.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Again, we have to distinguish between simple addiction and a likely behavioral disorder. I have a friend like this. She thinks people are out to put her down if not jealous of her. I suspected she must have been suffering from a personality disorder, maybe histrionic, but she herself doesn't know it. I tried to apply classical conditioning techniques to subtly help her out of such a destructive behavior but it's not that easy to cure someone with a self-absorbed mentality. You have to be patient. If possible, ask the help of an expert.
  8. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    My junior year my family moved to Arizona for about a year and a half. When I was there people wanted to be my friends, guys thought I was pretty, for the first time in my entire life I had confidence and didn't completely hate myself. Up until then my best friends were girls who would exclude me all the time. I remember going to Carowinds. We agreed we were going to switch out who had to sit alone, and everything we rode it was me who sat alone. And then there was a while when they politely told me they didn't want me eating lunch with them. I had been friends with Jennifer for about a year before we met Courtney. I'm not saying it was so horrible of them to be like that. The fact is I shouldn't have tolerated people like that. I should have had other friends. I should have thought enough of myself to find different friends.
  9. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    More than likely their parents put them down as a child. There can even be someone close to them that feeds them this garbage. They need to kick those kind of people to the curb or distance themselves. If you can't seem to inspire someone no matter what. It could be the way you are going about it. I've been thinking lately about people throughout my life who have inspired me. They just are. There is no effort on their part. I am sure they barely think about it. Make you stand a little taller. Smile and feel like you can do anything. They think highly of you no matter what. They have this light and character that illuminates a room.
    If you meet people you can't inspire or encourage you're missing the mark. If you know what I mean. You are not really out to inspire them. You are looking for flaws in them, you are looking for something wrong with them and this is the wrong way to go about inspiring someone. This judgment will get you know where and perhaps you have self interest. Judging them to make yourself feel better about you. Not actually having the intention of encouraging them to begin with. Loving them or whatever. There is definitely something different about those that inspire. They just are.
  10. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    I think that this can happen to people when they are stressed or they get nervous about something and can have a negative feeling about themself which can make them not have a positive view of the world, and can even cause them to be wary of other people around them. I reckon that people sometimes people try and blame the others and don't think that they are at fault which can make them try and just blame the ones who are trying to help them and don't see the good in them. I have met some people who think they are better than others and they try and make others suffer from their choices and they can cause problems for people down the road and I think that they need to get the help they need.
  11. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yeah, well the people that do this probably don't see themselves in that way. I think they think they are just trying to be helpful or area being realistic or something. I wouldn't call it an addiction. As someone said it is something that becomes a pervasive way of thinking. We can all get into habits of negative thinking or negative self talk. It helps no one.
  12. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    I knew a person in high school like this. This girl was and continues to be my best friend through Facebook now that we have graduated. But guess what? Thanks to her being stuck in self pity she failed a grade and we couldn't graduate together. I tried lots of things to help her catch up on her studies and every time she had an excuse on why she couldn't follow through. I wasn't the last person to reason with her but it frustrated me that she always had an excuse and was always acting like the victim and not wanting to change her circumstances.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I have encountered dealing with some people like that and it seems useless to try to make them feel good on things or situation. I think a counseling or therapy may help since it will be a matter of how they see things that could make them feel sorry for themselves.
  14. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    I have an uncle who's like that, and may God forgive me, but it's really made me not want to be around him - ever. I dread Christmas and family events because he really brings everyone down. The worst part is, sometimes I think he really lays it on thick just to gain sympathy. I'm also worried about the effect his whining has on my mother (his sister). He tells her his problems, she worries about him, which makes me worry about her. Oy! :(
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2015
  15. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I have met many people who no matter how much you would encourage them, they would only talk about how worthless they are. They may seem disrespectful as they never listen to the other person, but deep down inside they just can't agree with what they say as they believe those words are not meant, and told only to make them feel better. Those people need professional help in order to get sane, as this is a mental disorder.
  16. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    There are people who are uncomfortable with encouragement. When someone is so used to negativity it's hard to be around positive people. It's normal to feel down sometimes but you can't let those feelings consume you. If you always feel sorry for yourself you don't save room for any body else to feel that way for you, besides it only makes things worst. Negativity spreads so a smart person won't want to be around it for too long.
  17. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I have never heard of such an addiction so far, but I think that your friend is just a negative person in general. He likes to look at things from a negative point of view rather than from a positive point of view that makes him look like he is addicted to self pity.
  18. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    It could be a security blanket for them. After all, if they think of themselves as victims, then nothing could be their fault. If things went wrong, it's because the universe is out to get them. They could be well rid of accountability.
  19. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    There are many people who suffer from low self esteem and have no confidence in themselves. They don't mean to always be down and negative but sometimes it is hard for them to see the good that others see in them. Some people may do this to seek attention but there are others who do this unknowingly. It can also be a form of depression that makes them think that way.