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Addiction as a bargaining chip...

Discussion in 'Questions About Treatment' started by JoanMcWench, Apr 11, 2015.

  1. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    It's always so dangerous to intertwine your road to recovery with the road of someone else but I'm seeing it all the time. If it's not someone in a romantic relationship saying they'll quit if you do it's a friend using it as a bargaining chip with another friend or a family member doing just the same. I like that the addiction is being spoken of but I hate how this is setting both parties up for failure. Time & time again I hear about someone being triggered to use again because the person who was trying to help them failed to stay with the program. Has anyone had experience with this?
  2. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Not personally but I can certainly see how this would happen. I think recovery is a solo journey really - real change can only ever come from within and whilst it's true that someone else might help to spur you on, they can drag you down with them just as easily.
  3. jbbarn

    jbbarn Active Contributor

    They sure CAN drag you down. Drugs, tobacco, alcohol, etc. choose our friends for us. I think a recovering addict needs to find support from someone who has long since come through the recovery process, and never looked back.
    missbishi likes this.
  4. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Wow, that's quite a profound thing to say and it's just so true! That really hits home with me as, looking back over my life and habits, I did let cocaine choose my friends for me. Thankfully, me and cocaine haven't spoken for years now and that's the way I plan to keep it!
    jbbarn likes this.
  5. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I can see many good aspects in this. For one thing, it can be a great motivator to keep yourself on the straight and narrow when you have a friend by your side who is going through similar things as you are. If your friend has a slip up you might find out that you are much stronger than you ever thought, and keep on fighting for the both of you, getting your friend back to staying sober. On the other hand, if it's you who is slipping, your friend's determination and strength might pull you back into line in no time at all. And if you both fall back into bad habits, you at least had the experience and you will most likely try again. And sooner or later you will get to where you want to be.
  6. Bonzer

    Bonzer Community Champion

    I agree with you too. Tobacco and alcohol bring people quick social acceptance, particularly among peer groups. This is a most valid in young adults. Even if someone realizes and wants to take the path of recovery, their bad company pulls them back and everyone end up sinking in toto. Choosing your company is essential. Either go with someone who has clean habits or someone successful in recovery.
  7. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Bargaining, bribery, and promises. Lol. Well, people need a back up plan. Sometimes that doesn't include something that is healthy for all. Its like do or die.
    I don't think there is anything wrong with a person having a romantic partner while they kick an addiction. It should be easier, but, sometimes that very person can be part of the problem. The majority of self renovation comes when a person is alone, not when they are in a relationship. They play a part in the problem that goes deep. Triggers, situations, or whatever yes this can cause the person to fail at recovery. Somebody needs to identify that and be the bigger person.
    kgord likes this.
  8. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I don't have first hand knowledge of this, but I do now of people who have met during an addiction or the recovery process and the relationships don';t last. it seems like it was based on the drug and the common bond of being a user. However, many people just don't have anything beyond that.