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Addiction to Beauty?

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by gracer, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Women usually suffer from this kind of addiction. Men on the other hand are in the low minority. But this is bad. We should accept things as they are.
  2. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh no, don't feel bad about venting! If you ever need someone to talk to just pm me :) I'm so sorry your husband chose to stay with his mom, no wonder you feel so disappointed and angry. I'd feel the same too. This is actually my fear, I'm marrying a mama's boy! The other day I made a funny comment about his parents not being polite (and they aren't) and he got so angry! We had an ugly fight thanks to them again.

    Your husband should care about your feelings! It's terrible he doesn't, if it was me I'd stand up for my wife and tell my mom to back off in a polite way. My fiance didn't stand up for me at first when that ugly incident I was talking about took place... I had to tell him a real man is supposed to stand up for his wife and take the wife side. You leave your parents house to form a new home... the wife is supposed to be the #1 priority of the husband.

    I have no idea why a man would make his mom his #1 priority, that is just plain illogical if you ask me. A man must defend his wife. They might be his parents, but you are the mother of his child and his family. I hope he comes back to his senses soon.
    gracer likes this.
  3. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I was with them for 3 months and yes, I believe their were being nice (specially the MIL) because the previous time I hadn't stayed with them so long, but this time I stayed 3 months and they indeed showed their colors. It's a shame, because even though she was extremely rude and judgmental since the start, our relationship was ok because I worked so hard on that. But they blow it in one second.

    I'm not so sure he chooses me 100%, the other day he got mad because I made a comment (more like a joke) about them not being polite people (which is more than true) and he snapped at me. If only he had snapped at them when they were saying all those awful things about me to him... I'm not so sure about him to be honest. I really think he is a mama boy, he stood up for me because I told him to....
    gracer likes this.
  4. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    My husband isn't oblivious to it at all. He picks up on all of it. But apparently, if I say anything to her she'll be even more intolerable than now. He knows I'm on the verge of exploding. And if she is just being too rude, he'll eventually snap on her. I have to admit, listening to him explode on her gives me a certain satisfaction that short of the word euphoria, I can't describe.
    gracer and Coolkidhere like this.
  5. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    My husband too just cannot defend me in front of his mom or sister. They are really a family of bullies. All of them have strong personalities and you either bicker with them or stay quiet. Either way you will be judged and insulted.

    I do hope your husband realizes that you should be his priority. It will get harder if you have a child already and he still prioritizes his mom. I think it is also time that his mom realizes that she should be stepping out of his son's relationship. It damages your relationship as a couple and it is unhealthy to be that attached to his mom especially now that he has his fiance in you.
    gracer likes this.
  6. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I hope to have this euphoria someday lol. I can only hope! I envy you that your husband has the guts to take your side and stand up against his mom! Unfortunately, my husband will never sway against his mom. Even though she squandered all his tuition money before and even sold their family car without their knowledge. I wonder why he is so attached to her even though she constantly borrows money from him and even took our son's savings money to pay for her debts. Hay.
    gracer likes this.
  7. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Yes, think y fiance is like that too. He didn't dare to openly defend me in front of his parents. I was so upset and angry, about how they had ruined our engagement trip by doing all they did. How it was supposed to be about us, but they as usual wanted to make everything about them.

    That horrible woman was just very jealous to see her son was no longer a kid and now had a woman who might be taking her spot as the #1 woman in his son life. She was also mad because I didn't act like her personal lap dog, and didn't jump at her every command. She was also mad because me and him wanted to spend time together and not so much time with them, lol. Can you believe it?

    You are right, it's so unhealthy, but mama boys rarely change :( I guess I will do as much as I can to just avoid that awful family. No choice. It's a shame, at first I thought I could be part of that family, now I see I can't and don't really want to.
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  8. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Lol same as my husband's mom. One time she even texted him while we were out and asked him to go home already as we have to have dinner as a family with her and my FIL. It drives me crazy how she tries to emphasize how we are supposed to be one big family when I do not even want to be in their family.

    Yeah I gave up being a part of their family. It really is a shame in our parts but it is better this way than driving ourselves crazy trying to fit in a family that does not actually want us. It is better to just build our own family than fit in theirs.
    gracer likes this.
  9. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    @Coolkidhere @Tremmie Mine didn't defend me for a long time. He would tell her nicely if she was wrong, but thats as good as it got. But now he's as fed up as I am. This woman lies all the time! Just stupid ridiculous lies. He sees everything I do and everything she does/doesn't do. He'd just gotten fed up with her making up reasons to be made at me and bitch about me. She told him once I was making secret phone calls while he was asleep. That's no where near the worst of it, either.
    gracer and Coolkidhere like this.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Gosh, she sounds as crazy as my MIL making up those crazy theories since the pregnancy test incident. He also told them so nicely what he thought was wrong about them saying all those things about me. I got so mad the next morning, and he still couldn't get why I was so mad, lol. Some men...
    gracer likes this.
  11. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I've been telling him that... I am not willing to spend all those birthdays with them, specially not my freaking birthday! I DON'T like them, neither do they like me since the pregnancy incident, so why spend that time with them an be miserable. They earned it by treating me that way and always making jokes at my expense. I am a human being, there is a limit for everything, they exhausted our patience, we are not saints, lol.

    I've told him if I am moving so far away form my own family... is not to be part of his family, but to create my own family unit with HIM and no one else. I don't want to live under the shadow of his parents the rest of my life, I want my own family and do things together. Why else would I marry someone? You leave your mother and father to build your own family, it's a fact.
    gracer likes this.
  12. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @LilAnn
    Wow I admire your hubby so much! I hope my husband learns to stand up for our family too. It is really heartbreaking seeing how he loves his mom so much to the point that he disregards her craziness. I had lost hope on whether he would open his eyes and save our marriage.

    @Tremmie
    Very well said! I hate how they want us to be part of their sick family. Never will I ever want that for my son. I want my own family away from them. If I have to leave my family, then he has no rights to make me live with his. I do not make him live in the same roof as my mom and dad. Why must I suffer living with his?
    gracer likes this.
  13. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    @Coolkidhere It took getting engaged for him to speak up to her. He had never been engaged before, so I had no idea how seriously he would take it. We became official a year ago, and thats when he started firing back. So it took 7 years. We aren't married on paper yet, but we live as though we are. Honestly, that piece of paper is a technicality. I think its a combination of that, and his mom being a bad person that made him finally speak up. If she were a good person I think he would just let the stuff go. But, then again, if she were a decent person I wouldn't need him to defend me.
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  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Exactly! I felt the same way when he told me he wanted me to spend all those birthdays with them... I was like: ''Excuse me! I am leaving my family in the other side of the world, and you want me to spend most of my precious time with your terrible family?'' I said:''Hell no''. He said it was ok if i didn't want to spend that much time with them, but we will see if he doesn't ''forget'' it when I am there.

    We have all the right to our own family :) We already made the first sacrifice by moving away from our own parents, in my case I'll be on the other side of the world, and I'll only miss my mom. Men can be weird :p
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  15. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @LilAnn
    Wow it took him seven years to realize his mom's true color. Maybe there is hope for my husband after all. Good thing he chose your side even if you are not married yet. You are right as a marriage certificate is just a technicality. What is important is how he treats you even if you are married or not.

    @Tremmie
    These men are so annoying! He also makes me attends every freaking birthday of his freaking relatives. This one time our son got roseola and he is still making me go to his niece's birthday! I was really angry at that because he is risking our son's health just to attend that child's party. I do not even make him attend my relative's birthday and he makes me go to theirs. Even while our son is sick. Really annoying!

    Yes why must we make all the sacrifices? We have to change our surname, carry a baby and even has our bodies changed after pregnancy. Then they will have to make us do another sacrifice living with their side of the family? Men!
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2015
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  16. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Yes, it's an incredibly common problem especially in today's society. As human beings, most of us tend to gravitate to what we perceive as beautiful. The media plays a big part in promoting the beautiful, the idyllic and the perfect even though this runs counter to what the average person looks like.

    Nevertheless, many women particular those that are young tend to be beautiful. Naturally, they would like to prolong their looks as much as possible. Therefore it's easy for them to obsess over their looks and this creates problems for their psychological well-being.
    gracer and LilAnn like this.
  17. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    While they're obsessing over prolonging their beauty, they forget to relax and enjoy themselves... which makes them age sooner. Its a shame.
    gracer likes this.
  18. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Wow, have you tried talking about it with him? Is not nice he force you and your little one to go to a party you don't even want to, specially now your little one is sick :( I hope he doesn't force you to celebrate your birthday with his parents as well, mine wanted me to do that, but I said no freaking way. Sometimes you got to be very firm with them, I wanted to stand my ground as soon as we got together, so we'd not have issues later.

    Marriage is supposed to be a two persons thing, you know? Give and receive! Receive and give! I truly hope that as much as you give you also receive. Actually if it wasn't for the fact he does give something in return (ie: he does things I like to do as well) I'd be very resentful and probably I'd be ready to snap any moment.

    It took us a while, but we managed to find a system that worked for both of us, you can talk with your husband about it :) Is he open enough to talk about this kind of things? Does he know you are not enjoying spending too much time with his side of his family? Is he open to spend time with your side of the family?
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  19. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Thank you very much for your beautiful words. :) We do have a lot in common basing on what you just shared. I also get that sometimes. When it comes to my husband's mom, he gets so concerned whenever she would perform her dramatic acts but when it comes to me, I get a negative reaction as if I'm just an overly acting person. It's just so unfair at times.

    Let me just share that when my husband came to visit me and my son this week, his mom told him on the phone that she has just gone to the doctor because she felt sick and all and she's asking him when he would go home back to her. Imagine how pathetic she could get. She just couldn't understand that her grandson also needs his dad by his side. Sometimes I would just look at my son with pity as we could have been a whole happy family together had it not been for his inconsiderate grandmother. :(
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  20. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Thank you so much for hearing me out and understanding my frustrations @Tremmie. :) I'm really glad I have you guys to share my feelings with in times when I need someone to talk to. It means so much to me. :)

    You're so right about wives being the first priority of their husbands once they choose to marry. Yes, their mothers are important parts of their lives but once they decide to get into marriage, it means their lives should now be dedicated to the person they married and the family they are going to build together.

    I'm sincerely happy for your upcoming marriage though, and I admire you for having the strength to fight for your right as your fiance's future wife. Kudos to you and I'll keep on cheering for you! :)