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Addiction to Beauty?

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by gracer, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @Tremmie
    Well, we did not went to that party. I am okay with him forcing me to their parties but he can never force me take my sick son there. His health always comes first. And I will always put my son first before anything else even if it warrants a fight from his dad.

    Actually, I always tell him about these things. But he never listens to my side. That is the problem. He easily understands his mother or sister's side, but not mine. I have actually grown used to it. Now, I just do not say anything as I just come out whiney and immature to him.

    That is the problem too. He has never even lived with my parents at our house. He never has to spend time with them apart from a few minutes when he takes me and my son to my parent's house. Then he leaves immediately after taking us there.
  2. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @gracer
    We are just overacting wives eh? Then how about their moms? Lol. I am so sorry you have to bear with his mother's craziness. Most of her son's time should be spent with you and your child. That is just the way it is. You marry and you build a life with your other half. She should realize that by now. My MIL should realize that by now.
    gracer likes this.
  3. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I see, but tell me, how is the relationship between him and his parents? Is it good enough? I find it odd he doesn't spend any time at all with your family. Also, who says you are being whiny and immature? You have all the right to feel the way you do... there is a problem, you tell him he won't listen, you then have a reaction any other woman in that situation would have.

    You see, some people tend to tell you things like ''you are too sensitive'' or ''you are too whiny'' to belittle your emotions and make you think you are wrong, but you aren't. You are just feeling the way any other woman would feel in that situation, specially if it kept repeating itself and the husband is not supportive. By saying you are too whiny r sensitive the person is putting all the fault on you... but it has never been wrong to show emotion!

    We need to show emotion, we are not machines... is not fair they say that kind of things to us. My fiance tried to do the same to me, but early on when that happened I told him: ''I'm a human being, not a machine and I am completely and absolutely entitled to those feelings'' or ''i do have a good reason to feel that way, and you know it''.
    gracer likes this.
  4. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @Tremmie
    His relationship with his mom and sister is very good. He loves his mom very much and actually chats with her all the time since she is abroad now. He also loves his sister as he always defends her whenever I point out her bad antics. It is only his dad that he is not closed to but that is understandable as they did not live together because his dad worked abroad while he was growing up.

    Yes sometimes I just burst out and cry mostly when I am alone with my son. I hide all emotions when I am with my husband and his family. I wish I could show all my feelings and hurt to him but I see his face whenever I do that before. And his face looked like he does not care at all. It actually hurts more to see that than having to see him annoyed or mad at my outbursts.
    gracer likes this.
  5. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Oh :( I'm so sorry to hear that, I had some of that when that horrible incident I told you about took place, I was crying my eyes out the next morning when I told him he should have defended me. And he started to get defensive and was about to walk out of the door! The bastard!

    I can understand how you feel, sadly we married two mama's boys... and whether we like it or not their family will always be their #1 priority. But tell me, what do you do when he is frustrated about something and he tells you? Have you tried talking to him in a logical way? I have come to the conclusion that no man will take us seriously if we cry when we try to say something important. Have you tried telling him something like: I don't like when x things happen because I feel like y...'' in a very calm manner?

    It took me a while, but men respond better to that. I don't know the guy, but I think he does care deep down, after all you are his wife and you are a very young couple. It's just he is too close to his family... and sadly the relationship between you and them is not good, so there is some sort of predisposition, hence when something bad happens between you and his family he doesn't take you seriously,

    I know, because I have seen this happen with a lot couples. Men work in a different way than us :( It makes no sense at all sometimes.
    gracer and Coolkidhere like this.
  6. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I guess some husbands like to keep up appearances. That may be why the birthday parties are so important. I don't know if this could possibly fit y'alls situations, but I know some times he had just rather deal with me angry, rather than dealing with his mom's attitude and screaming and complaining. But when I would get fed up I would bring it up casually and calmly, and maybe even make a joke out of it. This way he could see that I was rational and she isn't. I would also try to make her super angry by having an attitude without saying anything. If I had to say something to her I always had a horrible attitude, and never said anything that sounded bad. Like "have a nice day..." really b***hy. She couldn't quote an attitude. The more irrational you can make her sound, the angrier he gets at her, and the easier it'll be to get him to stand up to you.

    I'm not psycho, I promise. I'm not manipulative, either. I was just desperate.
    gracer likes this.
  7. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @Tremmie
    I actually listen to his problems and weigh the situation. Most of the time I even take his side whenever he has fights with his family. But I do not get the same treatment with him. Last night, we talked about him petitioning us. I told him I do not want to live with his family especially if he is not around. He kind of listened to my side which is a good sign.

    Yes I think when we cry, they assume we are just being dramatic and such. Which is really annoying because hello, I am not crying to make you pity me. I an crying because of frustration and irritation. Crying really seems to annoy them lol.

    Anyways, thanks for all your inputs. It is nice to know someone that is experiencing what I am experiencing. I actually felt better pouring my emotions here!
    gracer likes this.
  8. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @LilAnn
    I wish I have that attitude lol! I probably need to do that, make her seem irrational. The problem is he really looks up to her. So anything she says, my husband eats up all the time. He thinks she is some kind of genius godess. Lol.
  9. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    That sounds great!!! :D It sounds like you guys are progressing! And yes, I feel the same way, I actually haven't had to pour all my emotions in my diary in the last few days, just because I have been talking about all that here :) It's so good to be able to talk about this kind of things with someone, it's nice to get their inputs too, I really value the good advises and inputs, sometimes by listening to someone else perspective I realize I might have been wrong for saying x or y to him or doing w or z.
    Coolkidhere likes this.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Lol, I have done that and I am so very glad I am not the only one who has done it. I think this work great for western couples, not sure for Asians though. My fiance is European, so I can definitely make this work in the future. I honestly don't feel like being nice to her, not after what they did. Plus I don't want her to think for a second she is welcome to stay with us... I don't like her. That woman is impossible, those birthdays are going to be such a torture, same for Christmas....

    Of all the European men I have dated, he is the one with most dependency ever. Nothing like the Norwegian men I dated, they barely visited their families (something I didn't quite like because I thought it was so cold), but now I wish I was with a Norwegian guy instead. If his family was nice I'd not mind spending time with them. By the way, big part of me is European as well, I'm close to my family, but not this close... this is to much.
    gracer likes this.
  11. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    @Tremmie @Coolkidhere @LilAnn It's been a long time since I posted here and as I read your posts, I realized I had a lot of catching up to do.

    It's really such a comforting feeling to know that we are not alone in our frustrations and feelings. When you guys started talking about your family situations, I realized I wasn't the only one feeling the way I feel. You guys have helped me a lot and made me realize that I am not alone in this world and there are always people who are experiencing the same things as I am.

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings guys. You never know how much our recent conversations helped and influenced me. We were all strangers when we joined this forum but we found friends and confidants from each other because of this wonderful community. :)
    LilAnn likes this.
  12. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Until @Tremmie and I started talking about it I assumed I was the only one, too. And then when @Coolkidhere had some of the same issues I started to realize that my situation and Tremmie's situation is not just be a fluke. Now that you have expressed the same feelings, I am even more relieved, not because you have to go through this too, but because if 4 complete strangers can meet by chance and have these same issues, there's a chance that it isn't necessarily something that's my fault.
    gracer likes this.
  13. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I think many celebrities fall into this obsession with their looks and getting cosmetic surgery or treatments. However, in their case sometimes it is their bread and butter.

    There are others who do it out of pure vanity. I definitely think it is a serious issue for those who have had so many treatments that their face looks completely botched up.
    gracer likes this.
  14. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    You are so sweet :) I'll include you in my prayers. I also feel better since we all started sharing, just today I had an incident with my fiance. He wants me to spend every Christmas with his family, I objected, I lost this battle, but I shall win the war, lol.

    I hope everything is going well with your husband now :) Sadly it seems we married the biggest mommy's boys ever, but I believe not everything is lost. We now know we are not the one with the issue here, it's them. It's comforting to know that.
    LilAnn and gracer like this.
  15. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You're so right @LilAnn. It's definitely not your fault. Knowing that 4 of us share the same situation means not everything is really our fault and I'm also comforted by that thought. :)

    @Tremmie Thank you so much again for your appreciation. You've always been such a sweet person too and I'm so happy to have found people like you in this forum. I really hope and pray that our husbands will soon realize our worth and start treating us the way we deserve to be treated. I'll definitely keep you and our other new found friends here in my prayers too. :)
    Tremmie and LilAnn like this.
  16. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @Tremmie
    Yes it does feel great! I actually look forward to checking my account here everyday as I know I have someone to talk to about my problems. It is even great as the one I talk to has the same issues I am dealing with. This forum really helped me cope a lot.

    I do think we are progressing even just a little bit. I hope as the days go, we will be able to fix this up. I also wish the same with you and your fiance. Just update me with any crazy stories your MIL does. Haha!
    LilAnn likes this.
  17. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    @gracer and @LilAnn
    Yes at least I also know now that I am not alone in this. It is very heartwarming to read about your stories and advices too. I love going in this forum because I get to chat with real people having the same problems that I have. It really helped me in at least, sharing my pain and letting the pain go. Thank you very much!
    gracer likes this.
  18. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I'm guessing y'all are the same, maybe? But I can talk to my husband about anything. And we have some deep and thought provoking conversations about everything from accusing each other of smelling bad to the afterlife to electrical work. But when his mom comes up in conversation, unless she did some of her stupid s*** again, that entire portion of the conversation is over really quickly. He isn't oblivious to her antics, but he doesn't want to listen to someone pointing out how bad of a person she is. So, since my husband is the one I usually go to with this stuff, but he doesn't want to hear it, its been great to have someone to talk to about it.
    gracer likes this.
  19. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'm glad to hear that :) So far no more crazy stories to share, but in a few months I should be moving abroad with my fiance and start a life together. I'll not lie to you, I'm starting to feel some tension in our relationship thanks to his terrible family. He just told me yesterday he doesn't want me to spend Christmas with my mom! I'll find my way... his mom is going to be nasty with me next Christmas, he might or might not see it... I hope he does, so I can use that as an excuse not to be there around that time. Life is too short to spend those moments unhappy.

    If he doesn't understand I don't feel comfortable sitting the same room with his family for hours... then I might divorce him. I don't care, life is too short to be forced to spend so much time with people you don't like. Too short to be married to someone who doesn't care about your feelings, I swear I'll do that if he doesn't listen. But we will see how it goes once I move there :)

    What about you, how are things going with your husband? Is the MIL back?
    gracer likes this.
  20. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Mine is like that as well, he is very open and will usually listen to me, but when it comes to his family he doesn't want to hear anything. Specially ever since this pregnancy test incident, now if I say anything that might sound remotely negative about his family he will get very defensive, which hurts because it makes me feel like I'm some sort of outsider o_O Which is unfair, because I'm living my country and family just to be with him! I feel kinda resentful towards him lately.
    gracer likes this.