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Alcohol I dont want to be friends anymore

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by True concern, May 15, 2019.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    So ya i have had a love affair with alcohol for along long time,we first got together around 7th grade and it was love at first blackout{Ignorance}absouletly.I have struggled with A.D.H.D.for my entire life and this new found love tamed this affliction or so i thought,fastforward to high school and we had broken up and i moved on at this time i worked a very physically demanding job and just like most things in my life the work became an addiction and its all i could see,hear,or focus on.I have this glitch in my brain which makes me only be able to see the top,meaning i dont do mediocre in anything if i take a job from day 1 the objective is always the same "GET TO THE TOP" As fast as possible and in some cases its been for the best in others for the worst.I acheived the top in this demanding job unable to climb any higher so at 22 i started my love affair with alcohol again,since moderation is not something i understand i became a full blown drunk yet again unfortanetly some where in there meth arrived{In my opinion the worst substance on the planet}Even though its the easiest to get off of{In my opinion}Fastforward to the day i lost my wife and i was trying to drink myself to death along with trying to achieve it in any way possible,anyways i quit drinking a year or so later and was making great progress and as i have stated before at times i am very stubborn and ignorant so here i am with alcohol back in the picture:(i wont try to rationalize or even make excuses for myself other than to say i know how this plays out and i am already telling on myself about this alcohol for one reason.I cant allow it to gain strength,i wont hide the fact that it has reappeared in my life,i wont even leave it just at alcohol i have been drinking 80 proof mixed drinks and up to this point i havent blacked out but i know i cant handel hard alcohol,it doesnt make me drunk necessarily but it gets to the point it makes me mean,not violent just verbally a di*khead so im putting myself on blast and letting you know alcohol"I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE"You have Taken enough From Me And There Is Just No Room For You In My Life.This is to myself.

    Joshstillclean and deanokat like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  3. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Good for you for telling on yourself. If drinking, or if you've drank very recently, remember this post. And read it daily. Pit reminders on the doors, in your car, scratch it into the back of your phone. (I literally did that soon can't erase it). We can't have you going MIA again.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    i dont have a phone bro,cant have one simply because i fuc*ing hate that on any phone period you have to make a google acct before you can even make a phone call no matter what phone you get....its privacy theft and its obvious it totally eliminates my choice which means it takes my freedom
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @True concern... Pssst. I don't have a phone either. :p
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  6. skg8i

    skg8i Member

    I've destroyed any remaining connections to my immediate family with my latest alcohol induced obnoxious behavior and recently on my birthday they planned for me. I don't remember anything that occurred other than what a family member revealed the day after. I realize the damage I've caused because this is not the first time. I was a AA member for 1.6 years but left, it did not help with my addiction. I can't apologize again and again to my family it gets tiresome for them and embarrassing for all of us and they are very patient but I can't function without alcohol and generally stay away from any prolonged social gatherings. With my latest episode I wonder if I need psychological alternatives.
  7. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    I will reply further tomorrow. All is not lost.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @skg8i hello and welcome. perhaps this is your "rock bottom"... at some point, when our desire and internal motivation is greater than the compulsion to even take one sip.... it's time.

    are you able to see a therapist? attend a rehab program? maybe AA didn't help then, but you're not the same person as you were back then... there's also SMART Recovery groups, or Celebrate Recovery if you're a church goer. Haing some form of face-to-face support can be incrediby helpful. Might not be easy to reach out for help, but necessary.

    Glad you are here. We will be here for you. Remember that alcoholism is a brain disease... your brain is wired differently than the social drinker who can have a couple here or there. We don't know why... but realistically, it's going to mean total abstinence.... but that can be a good thing. Here lies a great opportunity to make a big shift in your life for the better.

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  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Its been gosh, about 5 years I guess. That is 5 years since I didn't understand why it was February, snowing/sleeting, and I sold my jacket and boots for two points of heroin and enough cash that I could walk into one of the liquor stores around that area and get a handle of vodka. I was not suicidal. In fact I had a son. And I wanted to be very much a part of his life but I couldn't.
    I tried too. A few times I actually tried to push through the withdrawals enough to be there. I remember once I was at his third birthday party and I sobered up enough that i was able to walk in and even though I wasn't on speaking terms with anyone at that time, the fact I was even there was such a shocker that they let me stay. I was in heavy opium withdrawals though. But what ruined the party was a seizure I went into from the alcohol DTs. I was a horrible alcoholic, even worse heroin or oxycontin(just because its stronger and lasted longer)junkie.
    There's no nice way to put it. And I'm sure not gonna sugar coat it. That was how I ruined my sons third b-day party. Trying to be sober. The year before it was because I overdosed.
    It has taken a couple years, but now my family not only wants to have things to do with me again, they trust me to the point of signing over the family business and property to my sister and me. Fifty fifty.
    Yes that same person who 5 years ago sold his jacket while it was snowing and then boots! has a share in the family farm. I'm not in Atlanta at the moment. I'm further south, in the country, and honestly don't really want to ever see a skyscraper again.
    Ill always enjoy the city for some of its more enjoyable attributes, but where I'm at now feels like home. And actually I grew up on a farm, this one, I went to the city because I was rebelling. There was a point where my family said this is finally the last straw. They have even had me arrested(if your reading this thanks Rebekah). I'm not being a smart ass either. It was have me arrested or I OD.
    Everything bad that happened I did to myself. And they wanted me back so badly.
    To make an extremely long story short I also have full custody of my wonderful 9 year old son. He's a straight A student, I coach his soccer team, and I've gotten my business back off the ground and now am getting things rolling with this farm again.
    I'm a little over a year clean from opium.(opiods)
    Im two or three years sober from booze(i try not to count days anymore because it just keeps me thinking about it).
    Now that you've heard a little of my story I suggest you look into an inpatient librium detox. And if you don't mind let us know a little more about yourself. We really care here.
    How long have you been drinking how much, married? What kind of support system do you have?
    Hang in there. You can beat this.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @skg8i... I'm glad you found us and reached out. I think seeing an addiction specialist would be a great thing for you. They can assess your particular situation and recommend the best next steps for you. Don't let alcohol control your life. I grew up with an alcoholic father and I saw first-hand the damage alcohol can do to a person and their family. Contrary to what you said in your post, I believe you CAN function without alcohol; you just have to learn how to do that. It won't be easy, but I guarantee it will be worth it.

    We're always here for you, my brother. For help, support, or just to listen. Lean on us anytime, okay?