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Alcohol Kills Otherwise Great Relationships

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by redgirl, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. redgirl

    redgirl Member

    From a former experience, I can tell you that being with a person that is an alcoholic and binge drinks is torture. I can recollect being with a person that began to hide their drinking soon after it was established that it was causing problems in the relationship. It had become evident that he had some problems going on when we argued about his behaviors after nights of drinking. The personality changes and the odd behavioral activity were all too much to bare. (There was never any abuse towards me though. thank goodness!) Afterwards he constantly claimed that he would quit because he did not want to lose the family; next it was said that he had not had any drinks in days, but a few days of not drinking led to binge drinking. Soon after that ordeal was over, I got a little happy that I was not seeing him drink at all anymore. I was thinking maybe he is being truthful and was stopping without help. But odd behavior was still apparent, including mood changes and pink eyes. So the person I am just sit back and observed . During cleaning the bedroom, living room and kitchen: I would run up on mini bottles tucked everywhere in the house, Oh my Goodness! Then I realized that the alcohol we had put up for guest, had been filled with water!! all Lie, Lies, Lies! We parted for a while soon after that, but I cared for him and felt that that was harsh and besides he had decided to go to rehab for a month. Soon after that he went to alcohol rehab and we never hed to chance to get back together after that, because a week later he got a DUI, that was the last straw for me, but it was all a horrible experience. Do not get me wrong though,I just did not give up on him overnight!I loved him and gave him 7 years worth of chances, but then I realized I just could not do it any longer! The alcohol had killed the relationship.
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that. There are situations that all you can do is get out or make yourself be destroyed as well. Right that it was a tough situation as I personally knew some who had such relationship and ended up broken. Alcohol can really destroy relationships especially for those who allow it to get into them.
  3. redgirl

    redgirl Member

    This is very true. He had the problem, but I felt like I did as well. When we went to social events; I would not have a social drink myself afraid to tempt him. I also could not enjoy myself because I had to always keep an eye on him. He was an adult, this should not have to come into play. I had to wonder whether he was going to hide and drink and act out stupidly as he had done many times before. Social events became obsolete to us as a couple. It was so very consuming and tiresome. Thanks for the concern. I really appreciate it.
  4. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Any form of addiction can be difficult and for a family to work through the problems, everybody needs to be open and honest with each other. Unfortunately that's where the problem usually is, an addict is used to lying, especially to themselves so lying to friends and relatives will come as second nature.
  5. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    I'm also sorry to hear this. Lying is never good, but you know, underneath this rather thin layer there's a founded reason. Well, at least in their reckoning. Everything will be just fine, I guess. All we can do is pray.
  6. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Alcohol has always been a relationship killer. One of the main causes is, that drinking has the nasty habit of loosening the tongue. If you don't like somebody, you might not tell him/her anything while sober, but you can be sure that if that person is around while you're drunk, you sure going to let him/her have it. Same with girlfriends. If she told you something you didn't like, and you acted like it was no big deal, while drunk it becomes a different story, and you're sure as hell going to let her know it. We all take our masks off when we're drunk.
  7. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hello @redgirl! :)

    I'm sorry to hear that your relationship with him is now over. Anyway, there's no need to ever blame yourself because you have definitely done your part. 7 years of putting up with him was commendable of you. Sometimes there are just those relationships that get destroyed by addiction.

    Move on now and face your life ahead of you with no regrets. Think of your past relationship as a finished chapter where you have learned a lot. You have learned the value of patience and resilience
  8. Bernie1

    Bernie1 Member

    Alcoholism destroys everything good. It destroy the person drinking, it destroys family relationships, it destroys friendships and also manages to destroy work relationships. Alcohol has a way of breaking a person down so completely that the person, not the alcohol, is responsible for destroying their relationships.
  9. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I couldn't agree more. Everything you said is so true. It destroys their entire lives. After everything that they had is gone they continue to drink more.
  10. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I could have written this post myself. My story is so very similar to yours except I am still living it every day of my life. I am still fighting for it to work, hoping someday he will see what it is doing to him. I know he has to be the one to make the change, the one who seeks the help he needs, the one to admit he has a problem. Sadly, I just don't see that happening anytime soon. As each day goes by it is getting harder and harder to hang on. I know that I deserve better. I know I don't have to live this way but for now I do.
  11. PerkyNorm4u

    PerkyNorm4u Member

    Oh my goodness, where do I start on this one. I battle alcohol addiction but thankfully it never got to the point of me ruining relationships. However, growing up in a household and around other relatives afflicted with this addiction, there are some people I don't speak to at this moment due to the pain from my childhood. I know it isn't right, especially since I have dealt with the same problem and should know how it feels to walk in their shoes. I'm not trying to make myself seem better but I dealt with my addiction privately and for the most part drank heavily when I was alone so I can cry, scream and so forth. Sighs, I want to open my heart back up to those people but an internal or stubborn force just won't let me.
  12. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    Alchohol does destroy relationships. I am sorry to hear that you went through this. A person will only change when they are totally ready to. It not only destroys relationships, it destroys them. What happens when the eyes turn from red to yellow? This would mean liver damage. Its starts with occassional drinking to a person needingto drink. I wont judge anyone but its just not worth it.
  13. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    That's not the traits of an alcoholic, honey. I don't think that alcoholics would go to such manipulating depths to make sure they get their daily dose of beer and champagne. You know what those traits signify? Sociopathy. Alcoholics will only go so far (domestic violence, verbal abuse) to get their drink, but most are so desperate that they won't think it over.
  14. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    It is sad when the relationship breaks, but sometimes it is for the best, especially if the person does not change and am surprised you had the patience for seven years which must of been hard to do for the person you love. Sometimes the person may say they will change but they don't which is hard as the person, says they will change, every time, which turns out to not be the case which must affect the person as well. I reckon when a person walks down the path of being a slave to alcohol it can be hard to break away as the mind is confused by the emotional stress which occurs.
  15. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    You must have been through a lot. The constant worries, the tensions, the feelings of unease, the lies. It's terrible, and no one should have to put up with that. I hope that you both have found ways and means to deal with what has happened in the past. There is no doubt that alcohol destroys relationships. I always called it the "demon alcohol" as it made me do things that I would have never done while being sober.
  16. Marie92

    Marie92 Active Contributor

    That is unfortunate, but yes, alcoholic behavior does ruin relationships. My aunt, who just passed due to alcoholism, had the whole family trying to help her. Everyone tried to come to her aid--to the point that she did not want to do anything. Her behavior caused many to stray from her, even her own children. They continued to say that they were not going to watch her drink herself into the grave. I understood their frustration. Her sister is the only one who continued to be there for her, but now it is too late.