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Alcoholic Mom Wants To Take Me For A Drink For My 21st...

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by hellonamesdana, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    So I'm turning 21 in about a month, and it's super exciting. I was joking around with my mom a few weeks ago, after I told her that my dad and I will be going to Atlantic City to do a bit of gambling for my birthday in May, asking her how she plans on one-upping my father, since she is constantly trying to do that. She wants to take me for a beer for my birthday, since there is a brewery that just opened up near her house. That doesn't sound too bad, but the fact that she's an alcoholic makes me absolutely not want to do that with her at all. It just sounds like such a bad idea, but she wants to do it so badly. Even though she has never been one to drink beer (she's more of a vodka-lemonade or white wine person), she thinks that since it would be beer she would be fine and that I shouldn't worry about her.

    What do you guys think??
  2. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    What do you think would happen? If you are confident that going out for a bee rwith your mom won't end up in an argument then by all means, go for it! If you think that it might do though, maybe think about declining her offer or going a day or two after your actual birthday. People always ask you what you did for your 21st and I wouldn;t want you to have any unhappy memories.
  3. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    Honestly, I'm not sure. My mom has essentially ruined my life with her drinking, and I really hate being around her when she's drunk. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is going to get drunk if we are just having a beer together to celebrate my birthday, but I don't want her to think that then she can drink as much as she wants just because of that. She told me that she wanted to take a picture of the two of us having a beer for my birthday for facebook, so I told her we could do that as long as she didn't drink it and I would just drink both, but she said that's no fun. I honestly don't know what we're going to do yet. I'm still a little scared about it.
  4. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Do you think it could get into one of those situations where she's like "Go on, have another one, it's your birthday, don't be boring!" She might say that she won't get drunk but one drink usually leads to another...

    I really don't know what to advise. I remember other threads of yours Dana and she doesn't sound like an easy woman at all (no disrespect intended BTW).
  5. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    Of course, the choice is yours, but personally, I would avoid that situation if it were me. It doesn't sound like much good could come of it. Is your mother a recovering alcoholic who shouldn't be drinking at all? If so, I would definitely avoid it. If not, you can't keep her from drinking anyway, but I don't think I'd want to drink with her. Just my two cents. I hope that whatever you decide, you end up having a happy birthday. Ah, to be 21 again. :)
  6. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    She definitely is not an easy person to deal with, that's for sure! I think instead I'll just ask her to do something else with me, like a nice dinner or a little light gambling at a casino.
    Zyni likes this.
  7. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    Doing something else sounds like a great idea, Dana. I hope you have a nice time. Your birthday should be your day to celebrate, not have to worry about how your mom will behave. I hope it turns out great for you. You only get to be 21 once.
  8. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    Thank you! Yeah I'm hoping that we can just do something else that doesn't involve alcohol. Honestly I don't even really like drinking very much.
  9. lgdg090596

    lgdg090596 Senior Contributor

    I would suggest a different activity, if I were you.
  10. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    I know that you want to do something with your mom but I feel it is going to be a disaster if you drink with her. I would suggest something else. Maybe shopping or going to see a movie. If she still insists, just tell her that you really don't feel like drinking and you would much rather spend your time doing something else. Happy early birthday!
  11. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    What do you think is going to happen? She an alcoholic and she wants to take you out drinking? Are yo serious? the likely hood of her getting out of hand is very high. I don't see it going or panning out in a positive way. You may want to rethink this after all.
  12. wahmed

    wahmed Active Contributor

    I wouldn't. Alcohol is alcohol and addiction is addiction. Why tempt fate
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Advance happy birthday then. :)
    I think better not to drink with your mom so that she will not be triggered to drink a lot. Better to avoid being in a situation you do not want to be into.
  14. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    I decided against it. My bithday was last week, and she came for my birthday, but I wouldn't let her take me for a drink. She was already being really testy and being very mean and hurtful for her whole visit, and even though she wanted to take me for the drink, I'm glad I decided against it. Instead I went to the liquor store and made myself a "boozy birthday sundae", which was basically just an ice cream sundae with a little vodka. Haha. Nothing too crazy, since I don't drink much and I don't like drinking very much either.
  15. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I think a little alcohol to a vulnerable alcoholic person can be a rock that they stumble with. Be careful and it isn't that good and I recommend you to not allow it because it really may trigger her addiction in her, even if a little.
  16. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I think it was a good idea that you declined her invitation to go drinking. Even if she wasn't nice during her visit, it is probably better than having her drunk and completely ruining your birthday. Good for you! And congrats on being 21 now!
  17. Rubyrose

    Rubyrose Member

    I would have declined, you seemed more to the side of not wanting to go, but you also don't want to upset your mom because she asked to do something for your birthday. It was great that you were able to declined and avoided a bigger issue. Also congrats on being 21, I also did not drink on my 21st either.
  18. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Have you ever taken beer or that is your first time? If you have never taken beer then you should not try, just be open and tell her. If you are used to taking beer occasionally then you may consider joining her. If you do not want to get drank then why not take a glass of wine.
  19. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    I think you had made the right decision on how will you celebrate your 21st birthday with your mom. What you did is a good idea. Afterall you turned already 21 and you can decide already for yourself what is a good or bad thing to do in your life. :)
  20. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Your parents are funny. Sounds like it's all about their habits instead of asking you what you would like to do. One wants to gamble and the other wants to go to a bar. I would ask her if she would take you out to dinner or make you a special dinner. If she insists on going out make sure you only have one drink so at least you can drive home.