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alcoholic parent

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by atlantic, Oct 14, 2014.

  1. Geinnam

    Geinnam Member

    I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think that honesty is the best method for dealing with this tragedy. Without being confrontational, be honest with your parent about your hurts and fears. You have the right to let this be known for your own well-being. Keep the lines of communication open, but explain to them that it is too painful for you to spend time with your parent while he or she is intoxicated.
  2. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    My mother set it up in such a way that he couldn't refuse. She consulted a judge prior to requesting for police escorts. It was the judge who dispatched the policemen, who took my uncle to a facility in the capital. Besides, he was already weakened by the drug and didn't have enough strength to refuse. My dad was one of those policemen and it was this situation that led him close to my mother. Perhaps if it wasn't for my uncle's addiction, I wouldn't have been born. It's a strange situation but what I'm really getting at is that if there's a will, there will always be a way. My mom was determined to help my uncle recover so she took matters into her own hands. Even though the family members were skeptical at first, now they're thankful for what she did.
    Gelsemium likes this.
  3. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    That's the way to do it xTinx, make it in a way they can't refuse! Deep down they want to change life and if they see there's no exit they just might start living again. ;)
    xTinx likes this.
  4. Onionman

    Onionman Active Contributor

    Sadly, if all your hard work and support continues to fall on deaf ears all you can really do is be there for them.

    Hopefully, they'll see the world as you see it and get to realize the hurt that they are doing for the rest of the family. It's sad when there's a disconnect like that. Just be there for them if everything else fails.
  5. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    What makes the difference it's not our hard work, it's their hard work. They are the ones that need to make the effort to quit, we can just offer help.
  6. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi Atlantic. I always believe that each and every one of us has a purpose and hope in life. One just has to find it in order to find a goal to live for. My uncle used to be an alcoholic such that when he lessened his intake, he developed a lot of symptoms. He is still drinking but he does not get drunk anymore. He is into some fitness regimen, has retired and is happy with his grandchildren. He now even goes out with his family which he did not do when he was still working. I guess his work and the pressure to earn for his family stressed him out that he resorted to heavy drinking. He lessened his alcohol in his 60's. So I believe your parent has hope once s/he finds that purpose to live for.
  7. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    Detachment with love means caring about the person without fixing their messes. The most popular example is: if the addict passed out drunk on the floor, then put a blanket over them, do not try to lift him into the bed. When he wakes up, he will realize he was on the floor, but that you cared to cover him. It lets his sober self realize the things he does when he is drunk. If he punches a hole in the wall, instead of fixing it, just leave it. Do not mention it. When he realizes it, he will mention it or fix it--but he faces his drunken actions. These are just some of the things you can do that will stop you from trying to "fix him" and it does not enable him. He will make the addict face his actions.
  8. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    For me personally, the only way to overcome the trauma and physical injuries that were inflicted on me by my alcoholic parents, was to move as far away from them as possible. As I suffered spinal injuries from having been beaten and tortured on a regular basis, it took me a long time to start forgiving them. But forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. I will never be friends with them, as too many bad things have happened. I haven't been in their part of the world for over 20 years, and I won't go there either. But I do talk to them on the phone once in a while, even though they never ask me how I am or what's happening in my life. For them it's an opportunity to talk about themselves.
  9. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    It is so sad when someone cannot get help and they do not understand just how painful it is for you. If you have do not have an older family member or a group of family to help you stage an intervention then the best that you can do is to get on with your life and create a better future for yourself. It is difficult to forget all the ugly and hurtful things but know that half the time they were unaware of how much pain they caused you. You owe it to yourself to be happy and if you have trief to help over and over again, then maybe for one last attempt you can let out how bad you have felt and that it would mean so much to you for them to get better.