Hey everyone, a lot of you have probably come by my posts as I've talked a lot about my journey here, and you people have been an inspiration and support structure, so I felt like sharing my current state. I've been clean from hard drugs and daily drinking for a little over 4 months now, and this has been one of the happiest and healthiest periods of my life. The now? Well these days my mental state deteriorated a bit, I am usually in a bit lower mood come winter, but I had some really rough days which brought out the existential in me, and additionally I had a few fights with my girlfriend, and she almost ended up leaving me, which crushed me. She's been a big source of positivity and support, but I think that my fear and insecurity are pushing her away, and this led me to feel like I am not good enough, that I always mess up everything etc. And during those rougher periods, I felt like relapsing, but by some miracle I pulled through and I am getting better, but it reminded me that my fight is not even close to over yet, it will be a continuous struggle. Thanks for listening and I am open to any advice you may have about this.