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Almost slipping...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Dwayneu, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Hey everyone, a lot of you have probably come by my posts as I've talked a lot about my journey here, and you people have been an inspiration and support structure, so I felt like sharing my current state.

    I've been clean from hard drugs and daily drinking for a little over 4 months now, and this has been one of the happiest and healthiest periods of my life.

    The now? Well these days my mental state deteriorated a bit, I am usually in a bit lower mood come winter, but I had some really rough days which brought out the existential in me, and additionally I had a few fights with my girlfriend, and she almost ended up leaving me, which crushed me. She's been a big source of positivity and support, but I think that my fear and insecurity are pushing her away, and this led me to feel like I am not good enough, that I always mess up everything etc. And during those rougher periods, I felt like relapsing, but by some miracle I pulled through and I am getting better, but it reminded me that my fight is not even close to over yet, it will be a continuous struggle.
    Thanks for listening and I am open to any advice you may have about this.
  2. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Dear @Dwayneu I am a relatively new member here, so I am sorry I was not hear to follow up on your problem and recovery.
    I am very happy to hear that you are clean from addiction for over 4 months! Very good news, and also sorry that you feel that way when it is gloomy weather and cold one outside. As for that, you are not the only one. Weather also affects me in the same way.
    Just keep on being aimed towards the life free of addiction and try to keep that positive girl of yours close to your side. We always need some positive and inspiring people in our closest proximity.
  3. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @Dwayneu I can relate to what's happening in your relationship right now, particularly from your girlfriend's perspective in my own marriage. It's to be expected on the journey to recovery. There will be good days and bad days for both of you but I'm especially glad that you were able to find the strength from within to pull yourself through without relapsing. It seems that you are not giving yourself enough credit on your journey for what you have accomplished thus far. Your girlfriend may be keeping you in check but won't tolerate the nonsense.
  4. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    You are doing pretty well for yourself. There is nothing like a person who is a source of positivity and support. You are on a long journey and you might step on someone's toes or rub them the wrong way at some point. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you're human and sometimes we have our good and bad days like the other poster said. I have heard that the more we think on something the more it will be in our subconscious and will act on it. It's not a bad thing but I say to use it to your advantage and get rid of any thoughts that bring you down instead of lift up.
  5. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Hi @Dwayneu! This time of the year is specially hard for some people because the predominance of gray skies contributes to depression eventually.

    However your own strength will help you to cope with the situation, particularly having a supportive girlfriend, who being human may sometime feel like unable to handle things and this when you feel that need to relapse but no, please.

    Try to understand that all of us have demons to fight with, and that a bad moment she has doesn't mean that she doesn't love and keep supporting you. When you feel like things are not working simply wait and let water takes it course by itself.
  6. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Dwayneu! I am sorry to hear about the pain, and struggles you're currently going through. But I am really glad you were able to stay strong, and still continue to fight your addictions. Keep yourself motivated, focused, and be patient. You can do it. I would be rooting for your success. Keep us posted.
  7. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Thank you for the kind words everyone, I appreciate it. :)
    @MrsJones, I think that my confidence is really low, even though I've made some changes. I think that it pushes her away, and every day I am more afraid that I will lose her because she may be losing hope in me, and I just feel like it's all my fault..
    @Jasmine2015, that's what I decided I will do. I will try to keep more positive and develop myself. I am letting my over-analytical mind take grip of me too hard, which leads to me feeling terrible.

    Truth be told I may be too dependent on her, as good as she is, I think I need to find my own inner content, so I will try and focus on myself a bit more, I can't always depend on another person who has his moments etc. as @MyDigitalpoint mentioned.

    Love to all! And happy holidays!
    MrsJones and MyDigitalpoint like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Dwayneu... I'm sorry you've been going through a bit of a rough patch, but big kudos to you for not falling back into old habits. I'm super proud of you for not relapsing. Keep doing the next right thing, brother!
  9. SunnySkies

    SunnySkies Active Contributor

    Good work @Dwayneu on sticking your regiment and refusing to relapse into addiction. I hope you can restore your positive mental state in the future (the nearer the better). Happy holidays!
    deanokat likes this.
  10. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am so sorry to hear about the rough time you are going through. I can feel your pain in your words but I am so proud of you for staying strong and not relapsing. Great job! You are stronger the. You realize. Hang in there. Better days are ahead. Just keep moving forward. Wishing you all the best.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Congrats for being sober for 4 months, keep it up! I can only say that do not belittle yourself, if you don't love yourself then who will, right? I think that it's a good thing that you have a supportive gf, so try not to push her away. Be positive always!
    deanokat likes this.
  12. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    Almost slipping, but you haven't. Congrats on your sobriety and you've come this far, you can keep going. There will always be stresses in life, it's best to learn how to deal with them the best way we know how.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, Im glad you decided not to relapse. That would have made things way worse. I know ive made the same mistakes in relationships and it doesnt make it better. I can relate to your insecurities i tend to be that way in relationships also. I also get down this time of year due to the weather and not enough sun light, etc... I want to congratulate you on your 4 months sobriety thats a big deal. Keep doing what your doing life will get better. This too shall pass.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Dwayneu... How are you doing, my friend? If you get a chance, check in with us and give us an update. Thinking of you.
  15. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    Hello @Dwayneu, first, great for you for reaching out to this community when you are in need of support. It takes a strong person to ask for help! Winter can be tough for a lot of people, especially during the holidays. Have some activities or other happenings planned each week to look forward to, even simple things like having a movie night with a favorite movie (by yourself, with your girlfriend, or with friends), or time spent chatting with a friend or a loved one. It is great that your girlfriend has been supportive of your recovery, however, sometimes you may need to work through things alone, and that is okay, too. Letting her know that you appreciate her support and care is essential for her to feel appreciated.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I think it's great you are here with us :) You have already received a lot great advises, but I'd like to offer another one :) Have you ever heard about the coloring therapy? I have tried it and let me tell you it's amazing, it does help you to get your mind off things and just de-stess. Reading is also great, nothing helps me pass the time more than reading! It's amazing! It's actually proven that reading relaxes you even more than going for a walk.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Dwayneu It is nice to hear that you are clean and sober for 4 months now and it is a great achievement already. Just continue what you are doing until you fully recover. Always keep on believing that you can make it for yourself for the better of your life. All the best of luck!
    deanokat likes this.
  18. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I am really happy that the last months have been so good for you, but you do raise the pertinent question, the now? The now is what matter the most, so keep firm and will continue having the best time of you life! :)
    deanokat likes this.
  19. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right that depending on one person for strength cannot be always guaranteed as such person might also have her weak moments. Better to build the confidence and strength within yourself, and conditioning the mind that you can do it.
    oportosanto and deanokat like this.
  20. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    True, it's all about us, but we are not an island. So we need to be strong and get occasional support from where we can, but our true strength lies in us.