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Alone time

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Rosyrain, Jul 20, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Do you ever feel that you just want to be alone for a period of time so that you can sort through your thoughts and figure out what you want in the world...of course you probably do! I am feeling that way right now and it is rather hard when you have a family you have to help take care of. I have been on an emotional roller coaster the last couple of years and I feel like I am just mentally spent at the moment.

    What am I feeling? A mix of different things really. I sometimes wonder if my family is going to make it as a whole. My OH is being distant and it feels like he wants nothing to do with us, but maybe I am just reading into things to much. I have decided that I am just going to give him space so he can figure out what direction he wants to take in life.
  2. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Oh yes, I often need time like that. I would say by nature I'm an introvert, so sometimes (quite often, actually!) I do just need that alone time to gather my thoughts, have some quiet time, and essentially recharge my batteries.

    I hope things with your OH get better - I know sometimes people can just be distant when they have a lot on their minds and they may not even notice they're doing it. Try not to take it to heart - perhaps space is a good thing to give him time to sort through his thoughts too!
    Rosyrain likes this.
  3. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Everyone, whether addicts or not, feel the need to be alone at times, and it's just natural. I think when that happens, you just gently explain why you're being distant while still fulfilling your practical duties like cooking, cleaning the house, etc. Since you and your partner are on the same page emotionally, then you will have an easier time explaining things to him since you're being distant as well.
    Rosyrain likes this.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Yes. We are all just humans, and sometimes, we get to the point wherein we are all so fed up and tired of everything and everyone around us, and we would just want to be alone for a while to think things through. I don't think it's selfish, I think it's just natural for us to seek some sort of serenity once in a while.
  5. d4rk3n

    d4rk3n Active Contributor

    Everyone needs alone time in their lives I guess. At least everyone I know want it. But I think what's important is the balance between the time you give to yourself and to others. I need time for myself in order to retrospect about my day, or to think about something seriously. But I also need social time, because sometimes when I spend a lot of time with myself, I start getting destructive thoughts. I was alone for a brief period of time and those days were not good for me.
    Rosyrain likes this.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    We all need alone time. You get to do some reflection and get to think a lot more clearly. If you have problems you want to solve then it's a lot easier to find solutions when you have nothing else to occupy your mind. Add some meditation to it and it will help you relax and exorcise stress.
    Rosyrain likes this.
  7. suegiplaye

    suegiplaye Member

    Quite often I feel like I simply need to be distant from everyone else for a duration of time with the goal that I can deal with my problems, and make sense of what I need in this life. I am feeling that way at this time and it is fairly hard when you have a family you need to help deal with. I have been on an crazy ride these last couple of years .
  8. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I like to call it as "ME" time. Where I only concentrate on making myself happy and no one else. I detach myself and let my thought and energy go to making me happy first and foremost. Some might think I'm selfish but I've always said, I have to love myself before I can love anyone else. So it is time to take care of "you" first, before others.
  9. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I mostly tend to stay alone, especially when I'm facing tough times just because of my social anxiety. I don't really work well in open environments and I feel much safer being by myself and just doing my thing. I try to put myself out there as often as I can to not miss out on my social life, but sometimes it gets hard.
  10. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    I like my solitude quite a bit, but I’ve figured out that too much of it can drive me pretty bonkers and make me feel disconnected from everything. I was much more introverted when I was younger, but I’ve become somewhat more social over the years. It’s a part of my life that I haven’t really been able to cultivate due to various circumstances, but that may change. And then I’ll want my alone time to recharge, hahaha.
  11. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    It sounds like you are going through a difficult stage in your life with your partner being distant and contemplating what direction he wants to take in life. It seems to me that YOU need time to find out whether you are traveling in the right direction. And, it's especially difficult, as you have obligations that you can't just walk away from.
    I would say, remove yourself from your daily routines whenever you can, go to a park or somewhere where you can sit in peace and be alone with your thoughts for a while. Do it as long as it takes, until you get some clear ideas in your mind about what the next step could or should be...
  12. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    I do feel that way sometimes. I think it's just but human to feel that way. We all need some time alone by ourselves to reflect on our life and the things we really want. Oftentimes, I begin to think more clearly after I've spent some time alone with only me and my thoughts. :)
  13. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Thank you for the kind words. I have been taking my kids to the lake on my days off so that they can get out and play and I can sit and stare at the water and just think for a while. At the suggestion of a friend I have been taking some time to focus on me and what I want for my future. I have needs that I have to attend to and sometimes I get lost thinking of everyone else all of the time.
  14. light

    light Active Contributor

    I just love what you have said because is there where we start to grow our roots: “you just want to be alone for a period of time so that you can sort through your thoughts and figure out what you want in the world”. We bumble around doing what we have to do and then this horrific process of daily life starts again. WE HAVE FORGOTTEN TO ASK OURSELVES WHAT IS WHAT WE REALLY WANT! Being alone with the most important person in this world, yourself , is a gift that not many can experience. It’s a silent road towards you and increases the awareness of who you really are.

    Please don’t spend you precious ‘alone time’ thinking about the past or worrying about different problems, enjoy it for yourself. I am sure that is you make yourself the center of your world, then even your partner will understand more easily what precious moments has he lost in his confusion. You try to be alone for at least fifteen minutes and what a better place than a lake. I love staring at the water too. Let me give a virtual hug to you J I am very proud of you, such a wonderful human being!
    Rosyrain likes this.
  15. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Although there's a saying that goes "No man is an island," isolating ourselves and spending time with our own thoughts and emotions can also be beneficial. The crowd can be suffocating at times so we also need to take a breather and be alone because doing so helps us gain perspective and ponder about the best course of action to take.
  16. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    It is like sometimes you can be standing in a room with a bunch of people and screaming at the top of your lungs and nobody hears or understands what you are saying. I am not saying this in the literal sense, but it is the feeling I get every once in a while. I want my other half to understand what I am feeling, but he either just does not take the time to or is so wrapped up in himself that he does not care. I would hate for it to be the latter, but that is just the way I feel.
  17. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    I know what you mean. Sometimes ive got to just have a little time by myself. Sometimes people dont understand this but you have to do whats right for yourself. I regulary take time for myself so dont feel bad about doing the same
  18. run2live

    run2live Member

    I absolutely know what you mean. Regardless of our responsibilities, sometimes we need to retreat a little and gather our thoughts. In fact, we need to teach the family around us that private time is acceptable and that we aren't there to help them every second of the day. Without them learning boundaries from us, they can't grow.

    If you can take even a half hour every day for yourself to meditate, pray or otherwise focus on your own needs, you can start to make changes for yourself and figure out where YOU want to go next.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Your OH? Husband I guess is what you mean. Everyone needs some alone time now and again. Figuring that out is a good idea. Maybe someone to watch your kids while you guys go out and do something together. Maybe something separately even to do female stuff and guy stuff. It would be nice to do that during the day on a saturday and then go out on a date.
    Reading into things too much, you say. I believe that is over thinking. One of the first signs of liver issues. I just posted that in another section. If you were a drinker the liver not functioning properly can cause you to over think. Can't seem to shut down your mind at night. You need liver tonics and cleansing if that is the case.
    Everyone has at times this distancing thing going on. It's a self centeredness almost, going into your own head. There are many ways to correct this but probably correcting it in yourself would be best. Gratitude, your own first. Being grateful and happy for what and who you have in your life. Making a commitment and marrying someone is actually really being into them. Isn't it? You have to let that be enough even if he does zone out once and awhile. Appreciation and gratitude emanated onto others changes them. Maybe he thinks you are not that into him and that its all about the kids. This can really hurt a man. Change your view point and it all come around.
  20. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    100% agreed. No matter what situation you are currently with addiction or not, people need time to themselves. Like most things, there needs to be a balance. We get so busy with responsibilities with work, raising families, taking care of kids, etc, that we forget to take care of ourselves in the process.

    Just demand it be a priority in your life and your household. Maybe designate that 8:00-9:00PM is "me" time and you do something that sets your mind at ease. I don't have kids, but I still make sure that I take time out of my day to do something fun or just not worry about all the issues/problems I have yet to deal with. Not doing so would make anyone go crazy.