An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Am I hopeless?

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Losing Hope, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. Losing Hope

    Losing Hope Member

    Hello everybody , I am a male in his mid 50's, addicted to crack. I've been smoking it once a week for about 10 years, actually on the drug for 20 years. I'm at the point that I start and want to stop, hate it, but can't . All the rehab places near by mainly treat heroine , or they treat people with DWI's and are there because they have to. I know I should go impatient but I'm afraid of losing my job. I need someone to talk to but can't afford it. Family hates me, barely keeping my job. Don't know what to do. Sorry if this does not make any sense, I just really would like to talk with someone .
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Losing Hope... Welcome and thanks for sharing with us. It's terrific that you want to get off of crack. Are you in the U.S.? I'm not sure how big of a company you work for, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal for an employer to take away your job because you seek treatment for addiction.

    It sounds like inpatient treatment would probably be a great thing for you, but an IOP (intensive outpatient program) could probably help you, too. Maybe that would be a good place to start? Or maybe you could see an addiction specialist. They could assess your situation and recommend the next best steps for you. You could also find an online support group meeting for either Narcotics Anonymous or SMART Recovery (12-step alternative).

    You can beat your addiction. You just have to start taking steps to do it. Even if you just talk to your primary doctor first, that's a good start. Even baby steps will eventually get you to where you want to be.

    You can reach out to folks here anytime.

    I'm sending you positive vibes.
  3. Lakshmi

    Lakshmi Member

    Hi there,

    I'm brand new to this site so I hope it's safe.

    Anyway, if you are using only once a week, there is LOTS of

    hope for you. I've battled addiction almost my whole life.

    Like I said, once a week is nothing. You can easily change that. Instead of copping, why don't you go to a yoga class? It's actually better feeling. My problem is so bad that is not even an option for me right now. I was clean for years. Then a 'friend' introduced me to someone with access to almost everything. I'm now back to being a daily user of several things.. This friend will sell me really good stuff so the next time I buy a lot and its crap - i guess drug dealers have no morals. They will sell you anything if they are low on product. I'm now concerned about what is in this sh*t and even if I'm going to wake up tomorrow. I wish I could be satisfied with once a week. I frequently take breaks during busy times at work to go keep my high - when the stuff is good. When it's bad, I get sick, grumpy and depressed but always go back and ask for the good stuff. I even offer to pay more for better quality. He then tries the psychological thing by telling me it's fantastic. I've had the best over the course of my lifetime so I know the bull. I got so sick once, I couldn't even stand up. I KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE! Anything to numb the psychological pain and risk killing myself.

    I really can't imagine my life in lifes terms because I'm so depressed. I have pity parties for myself all the time. Then I have a great time with myself when the stuff is good. I actually missed the first half of my day at work today for the first time ever because I had a great high and didn't want it to end.

    I'm sorry for babbling. I just wish once a week was my only problem!


    PEACE, Laksmi
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Laksmi... Good advice, my friend. There are plenty of ways to get high without using drugs or alcohol. Yoga is certainly one of them.

    Lakshmi likes this.
  5. Lakshmi

    Lakshmi Member

  6. Lakshmi

    Lakshmi Member

    Wow. I just went back to read my post. UGH! That was a bad night and a horrible, pity post. I actually hate pity from others and that was childish and pathetic. Sorry to anyone who read it.
    I hope Losing Hope is doing better. I wish you inner peace.
    Thanks Deanokat for your comment.
    I've begun to make a few minor changes - baby steps.