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Am I the last solution to give an addict a chance to get help?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Taymichm, Jun 2, 2018.

  1. Taymichm

    Taymichm Member

    My ex boyfriend uses meth. Through our 3 year relationship the amount and usage grew. At the end I discovered he had begun to shoot up the drug. I myself have never used but I wanted badly to help him. I thought if someone cared and gave him an opportunity to openly discuss his addiction that steps to treatment and recovery could be possible. We ended our relationship with him in the wraps of addiction. He went on to find a partner to use with instead of one that would encourage change. Today I heard some thing from a mutual friend on the situation, specifically the situation in which an 8 year old boy is in with his father. After reaching out to the addicts family I was told about various attempts they had made to get him to admit he was using, all failed. I know that the family will not be able to do this due to his attitude toward them over all and this is a life or death situation for this person. I cant see it continuing like this before he kills himself. They had been in contact with his boss and his boss had given the addict drug test in which he always passes. Unaware that they make fake urine for such situations. A while back this same boss gave me his number one day and told me to call him if this person was doing wrong or slipping up. A call I should have already made. I was thinking to present him with a drug test twice that way the second one he would have urine to pass. Side not he has a deep respect for his boss and they have know each other their whole lives. After the second test its likely that he will quit instead of taking the test. Then I feel his boss needs to sit down and maybe talk about getting help. From then the addict has the right to refuse or be helped before he ends his own life and his child has no one to depend on. Being his ex girlfriend I am very aware this is none of my business but I do love him and his son. Previously I feel that I enabled him. I gave him money food and I always smoothed over the family conflicts just to kept that last thread. I do regret not doing more but I was doing all I knew to do. I feel that making this call would be my last effort to get him help to save his life essentially. I dont want to get involved or appear like I'm doing this out of spite. I just know his boss would take me seriously and I think back to that day he gave me his number telling me to call. This could help him or hurt him depending on the choice he makes, that's why it's so risky. If anything ever happened I would have overwhelming feelings of guilt that I didn't do all I knew I could do. What should I do?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Taymichm the decision is only yours to make to call or not call. not sure what i would do....

    i do want to say you did do enough when you were with your ex. feeling as if you didn't will only bring you guilt. you didn't cause his addiction, you couldn't control it, and you couldn't fix it. it's a disease that only he can figure out how to contend with...

    also, if you were the enabler, be careful moving forward and falling for someone else who you could try to "fix" or caretake. sometimes these things just keep coming in cycles if we don't do some "inner work" to contend with our own issues.... just a word of advice...

    this may not be your business.... but if a child's life is in danger, then yes, it's your business. child safety comes first.
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Taymichm Ok so if he is injecting the drug it absolutely does something different to your mind and soul(in my opinion) I used this drug in the same way for many year's off and on.I'm not a small guy,im 6'1"and weigh about 235 but after 3 month's on a syringe i have gotten down to 145.So rapid insane weight loss is usually a good indicator.If his boss cares for him truly and you can ensure through conversation with the boss that he will be there for the individual after the second test comes back as a failed test to allow him time to sober up(sleep for a week)and he will allow and encourage NA meetings as well as keep his job for him,if you can do all this then i encourage the conversation with the boss.If not unfortunately you are playing with fire,meaning considering your no longer the woman in his life if you have your hand in him losing employment he may turn violent towards you,himself,his child,or others.YOU must be sure the boss will help him before you envolve him!!Stay Strong and God Bless Take Care
  4. Taymichm

    Taymichm Member

    Thank you for your kind words and taking time to lend an ear.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

  6. Taymichm

    Taymichm Member

    That's part of my concerns, I dont want to ruin his life and I unfortunately had to cut off all connections between he and I due to his actions. He manipulated me emotionally and I couldn't sacrifice myself in that way any longer. So the fact that I am completely unaware of his current attitude and emotional state concerns me that he may not be willing to accept help at this point. I also know that once I open that door with his boss that things could not go exactly as planned. Unfortunately I don't know how he will react.
    Dominica likes this.
  7. Taymichm

    Taymichm Member

  8. Taymichm

    Taymichm Member

    Thank you for taking time to respond and reminding me to consider myself in these situations. I really appreciate it.
    True concern likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    You have to weigh the good and bad in your steps.But i will tell you this we as addicts don't quit period if we ourselves aren't ready
    Dominica likes this.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Taymichm... I replied to you on one of the other threads you started, so look for that, okay? Also, in the future you might want to avoid posting the same post in multiple threads. It can get confusing pretty quickly. ;)