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Amphetamines have taken over my life

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Ru y, Mar 6, 2018.

  1. Ru y

    Ru y Member

    I took lsd for the first time at age 8, Marijuana at 8 cocaine when I was 10... a month after I turned 11 I tried crystal meth. She became my best friend & I used her for 12+ years. I learned how to cook & perfected it quickly. I had always told myself I used & never abused. I only smoked it a few times. I saw that as a waste & something only addicts did... little did I know, I was an addict. I quit at age 23. For 3 years I didn't use at all, but all I did do was sleep & cry & sleep more. A friend of mine introduced me to Adderall & she is my new buddy. If I don't take at least 10mg a day I can't even get out of bed. I feel like amphetamines will always have a hold on me. I have prayed, cried & begged for relief... then prayed some more. I'm at my wits end with this addiction... I see no future where amphetamine is not involved
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Ru y that is so young to start using... i am so sorry you are struggling.... i am curious as to what professional help you have tried over the years? addiction specialist? rehab? counseling? or maybe 12 step groups? just wonder what your process has been...

    sending hug
  3. Ru y

    Ru y Member

    I'e tried all of those things, all have failed me. Inpatient & outpatient rehab, I've been diagnosed incorrectly & put on a plethora of medications to "fix" me. I sought God, studied religion, it's not for me. I tried NA, the people are nice but it is entirely too religous. Meditation works somewhat, but doesn't last long enough. Thing is, i grew up in and out of foster & group homes. I'm sure that is why everyone wants to put a lable on me, telling me my addiction is a result of poor role models & a seedy childhood. Now I'm in my 40's & have a family of my own. I have a job & a happy marriage & a healthy teenage girl. I still use amphetamines because if I don't I literally sleep all day. I don't binge use, just enough to get up & going. Its better than the other medications doctors have put me on to solve the same issue. Maybe it is because I started using at such a young age? I think I killed my natural ability to produce dopamine?
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Ru y i see. thanks for elaborating... i'm not an expert in the field, but you mention killing your natural ability to produce dopamine.... this made me think of neuroplasticity... i've done just a tiny bit of studying this and find it hopeful for those struggling with addiction... have you done any research in the field? or biogenetics? there are many studies on the brain and how fluid it is... maybe there is something in that direction that can be of help... just a thought.

    i am so glad you have a happy family...that helps!! it seems as if you're on your own individual path, as we all are. you won't get any labels from me... only unconditional love and hope for peace and joy... :)
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Ru y I am sorry you are struggling it's never easy,i know I've been there.There are a few thing's here I've noticed and hopefully you will consider this.So you use amphetamine every day but sleep at night but here is the problem considering the amount of time you have been using you haven't honestly come down in what sounds like year's and that is why you only sleep without amphetamine.I had a long fight with amphetamine myself and i tried to do the sleep at night,high during the day thing but it simply doesn't work and once i finally quit using i slept for nearly a week straight and when i woke up my body hurt so bad,some call it a physical addiction but i do not because i also had an addiction to opiates and there is a big difference in detoxing between the two.The pain i felt from coming down with out the meth was caused by over doing everything while high which made me sore and weak,when i came off opiates i was sicker than i can explain and that in my opinion is a true physical addiction,however once i quit meth i had to rebuild so much muscle tone and it took some time but the energy i have now sober far exceeds the energy i had on meth.You can do this but you need to come down all the way and after you sleep about a week rebuild your body through natural everyday activity.Stay Strong and God Bless