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An Alcoholic Background Story

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by MyDigitalpoint, May 6, 2015.

  1. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Hello Peeps,

    Thought to stop by to share with you my sad alcohol story, reason why I joined this forum not just to share it with you, but also to try to prevent others from doing the same stupidity I did.

    I must start by saying none of my parents or other relatives suffered ever from alcohol addiction, but liked to drink socially from time to time. I remember myself being just a few years old when my parents allowed me to taste a sip of beer, nothing to worry about, as either the small glass of eggnog I used to share with my family on Christmas time by age 12.

    At high school, one of my teacher told us the importance of knowing how to drink to avoid be surprised by any jerk wanting to abuse due to our inexpert drinking behavior. Still no alcohol problems at this stage or the next, college time, time to start mixing my own drinks and feel proud of my ability to keep alcohol under control.

    However alcohol abuse got me after college and it`s so ridiculous think of this now, but yet so serious that I was close to dying. Happens that my father used to share with me all kind of alcoholic beverages he used to buy and store at home to give them away later as gifts for this friends.

    I had literally tons of brandy, vodka, tequila, whisky, and many other beverages, that I still used to prepare my cocktails or have a shot when needed, but one fine day I asked my father for financial support and he said the "magical words" that condemned me: ¨I'm giving you alcoholic beverages, don't ask me for money."

    So, he gave me alcohol? Well, let´s drink it all in revenge for denying me the money.... And I began to nonsense drinking all the wine in the world until I lost control of myself and probably was a miracle what kept me here alive.

    From then onward, everything has been trying hard to stay sober all of those years.

    Lesson to learn would be, never try alcohol to resolve your problems, nor use it as a tool for a stupid "revenge" that may only hurt yourself as I did.
  2. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Your father is also to blame for you being an alcoholic, since he provided you with drinks, something a decent father shouldn't have done. I'm glad that you have already learned your lesson, because alcohol won't do you any good in the first place. It will just make you broke and destroy your life.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Yes serenity, it was a very hard lesson not just from the alcohol side itself, but suffering from seeing how my father preferred to see me falling in alcoholism instead of giving a word of encouragement at least.

    Now I understand he might not have money by the time I asked him for help, but I can't understand yet why he was so cruel with me.
  4. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Was your dad an alcoholic as well or just an occasional drinker? You know, if he was an alcoholic, then you got to cut him some slack because his judgement was impaired. Alcoholics tend to be mean, right?
  5. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Sad story indeed. But the good thing is that you learnt your lesson. That's what matters. As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".
    I am in college too and guys here go out to drink all the damn time. I feel so helpless sometimes.
  6. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Well, we all make mistakes and ruin things. It's just normal; it just means that we're not perfect. What matters is that we have learned from all our bad decisions and actions in life.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @MyDigitalpoint so all those years you were drinking just to get back at your father for not helping you financially? Have you forgiven yourself and your father?
  8. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    MyDigitalpoint, are you sober now or trying to be? I am glad you saw the errors of your ways and your father's. We all do silly things at times but the best part is being able to recognise it, admit it and take steps to correct our mistakes. It looks like you are well on your way.

    We parents can be quite silly ourselves and I pray you find it in your heart to forgive your father. Have you spoken to him to let him know how his actions affected you? In the end I am glad you are here to share your story and I hope it helps people who might be dealing with similar issues.
    Last edited: May 12, 2015
  9. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Problem here is that my father being a frantic buyer of alcoholic drinks, was a man who rarely drank, not even a beer, but in very counted occasions.

    This is so true, but we only find out when we survive episodes like the one I lived!

    The alcohol abuse story began with a financial denial, but continued when I found my parents disapproving the person I was in love with, this pushed me even more into drinking, wondering why they refused to accept such relationship. Their expressed reason was poverty I would be lead to, if I would get involved with this low-social class person, not what they expected for me.

    I am sober now and have been for at least the past 5 years, after an even saddest episode in this alcoholic story.

    I have forgiven my father, but when it was too late to tell him. He suffered a stroke first, and while he recovered from it, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, passing away in 2009.

    While I put aside all the hard feelings during his illness to support him even with my own hard-earned money (the root of our problems) I never told him "Dad, I have forgiven, you," though I hope he had realized it by my actions caring of him.

    Even though, the day when he was hospitalized for the last time, I was totally drunk, feeling like perspiring alcohol all over my body but particularly through my nose.

    This time I was drinking being impotent and helpless to save his life, and the only I can remember is helping to dress him up when the ambulance was waiting for him at the door. I can still remember his last words saying that we would thank me for the eternity all what he did for him during his illness, but being so drunk, cannot remember if I kissed him for the last time.

    I was lost for days until recovered some sobriety and asked myself what he had to thank me, when it was me who has to thank him for so many things that make of the alcohol episode a "minor issue" when compared to all the good things I received from him before this episode and after the same before he got ill.

    See? Alcohol can damage you for a lifetime when it leaves in you this sorrow after losing a parent :'(
  10. d4rk3n

    d4rk3n Active Contributor

    A really inspiring story, sorry to hear. In the end, you stayed strong and that's what really matters. There were so many boulders in every stage of your life, still you didn't give up. I wish I was as strong as you.
  11. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Thank you so much d4rk3n :)

    This is why I thought to share my story with all of you, with the hope that it serves other to stop for a moment and think how addictions can turn life into a hell when oneself crafts their road to doom, and how sad could be not having seen timely how all this went in order to change the course of the story , if not for a happy end, at least for something that would not leave in one's hearts needles and pins.
    d4rk3n likes this.
  12. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    @MyDigitalpoint, I see, that's so odd that he loves to buy alcohol but doesn't consume it. I think he is like my dad, although he isn't an enabler like your dad, he now just gave up on my bro who is a smoker since high school. He just said that he disapproves of my bro's smoking, but if he still wants to smoke, so be it. I think he is like your dad? Like they just let their kid do what they like since they are already adults.
  13. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Never thought of this! Yes, probably he is like my father was and because I was already an adult, he'd probably thought it was my choice doing what I did.

    As noted in the opening thread, he loved to buy alcohol because he had loads of friends with social drinking habits, and he was convinced the best gift they could receive in special occasion was a fine wine bottle. Sometimes he had to open one of these when one of those friends were visiting to share a drink, but I never saw him getting drunk.

    Seen in retrospective, wish I would have his moderation to have enjoyed one drink or two eventually, but never fall into addiction in the way I did.

    Fortunately I could break with it, and hope to keep being clean and sober for the time to come.
  14. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Drinking propelled by revenge can never end well. Case in point. There are million other ways you could have gotten back at him but you chose alcoholism as your rejoinder. It's a mistake that's behind you now. Don't regret the past; instead focus on the present. That's what's important now.
  15. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    @MyDigitalpoint, I think in a weird way, your dad thought that he was "nourishing" you because you liked to drink, so he brought you more alcohol? Because he also did that to his friends, so it makes sense that he did that to you as well. Weird, isn't it?
  16. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Yes Serenity! It's probably weird but today if I would be given my friends something that my child also would like, I would have to say to myself "if I spend money in them, why not to give my child what he/she likes."

    Only that one needs to grow up and let time make a person wise to understand it as it probably was.

    Imperivm1 is right pointing at this, all was my mistake wanting to take revenge, but now I have to focus on the present that, after all, is what really matters now.
  17. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    We all make mistakes, and you are more mature now, so don't let it eat you up. Come to think of it, you can just simply "run away" and live together with your former prospect that time, and they won't be able to show their disapproval when both of you don't live in the same house or you don't have any contact with them.
  18. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Do you know something serenity? Alcohol seems to make one somewhat stupid.

    I was so in love of this person, that I spent several years thinking of what could be and dreaming on the home and children we could have together but doing nothing to make this true, while ironically those quarrels with my parents inspired two of my younger cousins, each of one running away with a bus driver one, and the other with a taxi driver.

    They actually live happy, have reconciled with my uncles, and have children, while I spend that decade dream on and then giving up simply pursuing to recover my sobriety and help my father somehow during his last days.

    Someday a friend of this person asked me why I didn't ran away as you comment, and I told him the truth; while I was totally upset and mad at my parents, my love for them was greater to cause them the pain to go away... or perhaps alcohol made me be somewhat masochist!!!

    Now that my father has passed, my mother as told me more than once "go find that person you loved so much, what is still waiting for you and can be still happy?"

    But now I'm afraid of the pass of the time, I don't know what happened with this person when we had to follow separate ways, nor sure of my feelings today. Making all those mistakes and recovering from the addiction made me stronger and more mature, but left me in a kind of sentimental limbo I haven't overcome yet.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for sharing your story, @MyDigitalpoint. It sounds like your father was trying to show you love, but chose a strange way of doing it. I'm so glad that you got through it, as difficult as it's been, and are sober. That's so fabulous! I'm also proud of you for forgiving your father, even if it was after he passed. Forgiveness is important, not only for the person you're forgiving, but for yourself, too. (I think it's more important for the person doing the forgiving.) Everyone makes mistakes in life, so be sure to forgive yourself, just as you forgave your father.

    By the way, I think you should take a shot at finding that person you were so in love with. If it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried. But if you don't try, you might end up thinking "What if?" the rest of your life.d

    Your story is an inspiration. You are an inspiration as well.
    MyDigitalpoint likes this.
  20. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    "What if..." This is a question I asked myself many times through my last addiction days and popped up after recovery. Initially me thinking of this moved me to cry probably because the wound in my heart was fresh, later I though it was healed and the crush for this person had passed by.

    However this question keeps coming up from time, not longer with tears, but through your words I am realizing that what is preventing me from finding this person could be that I haven't forgiven myself yet, particularly because the pain of having losing my father is still fresh in my heart, no matter if six years had gone since.

    I thought to have moved on already since a while, but recalling his departure is what makes me aware this pain has not vanished at all.

    Even though the key factor could be this, self-forgiveness, and this is what I'm going to try, as I'm going to prepare myself for the next step, finding such person. Yes, it would me much better say "I tried and didn't work" that keep living with this inner uncertainty :)