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And once again the a""hole comes out

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by L_B, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    He is cursing me and calling me names because he had too much to drink. A few hours ago he was telling me he loved me.
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015
  2. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I left last night and came to my sister's place. She said I could stay here as long as I want. So I am going to.accept her offer. I will go back home and pick up some stuff after he leaves for work.
    kassie1234 and deanokat like this.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I hope that you are not in such situation at this very moment and that everything just went okay. Stay in the safest place possible in there and maybe you can call someone to help you there if things do not get better.
  4. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Having a break and looking after yourself is the most important thing at the moment, looking at the future and what happens with the relationship comes next, when everyone as calmed down a bit and reflected on what's gone on.
  5. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    It’s a good thing that your sister has your back. Stay there for a while and let things cool down first. And make sure that when you come back for your things, someone is with you. I know I sound paranoid, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
  6. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    You should be really thankful that your sister cares about and supports you. This is your escape route, don't hesitate to take the chance and start a new life. If you are unhappy, leave already. Don't try to relieve dead things, as it will make you sadder than you already are. Save yourself and leave him.
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Thanks everybody. I am safe where I am now. We need to be away from each other at this time. I need to get my head clear and things in order.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I am glad things are going pretty well on your end @L_B. Well, yes, both of you need some space and time away from each other. This would eventually make things right again. Although in my opinion, I believe it's much better for you to let go of him now.
  9. 111kg

    111kg Community Champion

    So... why don't you leave him? Abusive people should be left all by themselves. That's what they get in the end. Trust me, most of the alcoholics know that their behavior changes and they become abusive once they start drinking, yet this doesn't stop them from drinking. That's because they value more their drinks than the people around them.
  10. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Terribly sorry to hear about your ordeal. Honestly, you do not need to put up with someone like this in your life. After all these years, if he hasn't tried to recover for the good of your relationship it's time to make some hard decisions. It's one thing that he is drinking, but it's completely unacceptable for him to be abusive towards you. You're putting your physical and mental well-being in danger, I think it's time that you move on.
  11. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Have you given him more than three chances already? If you have, and the guy just keeps on doing the same thing, the only thing left to do is to leave him. My advice to you is to sit down for a while, be honest with yourself and think really hard about this: do I want to be happy or keep on being miserable for the rest of my life?
  12. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    @henry is right, there are only so many chances you can give someone. Have a good think about things and take your time over this. Your sister is happy to have you for as long as you need so you don't have to rush your decisions at all.
  13. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @L_B... I'm sorry for your situation, but I'm so proud of you for recognizing the fact that you needed to get away and doing something about it. I'm grateful that your sister is so caring and supportive. That's a wonderful thing. I hope that you can sort things out and feel good again soon. Know that I'm praying for you and sending you positive vibes...and a virtual hug. Remember that you deserve a happy, healthy life.
    kassie1234 likes this.
  14. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Thank you everybody. I already feel so much more at ease being here. He has tried to contact me but I told him I needed some time alone. He is pretty upset but I am sure it won't be enough to get him clean. H thinks more of his alcohol then he thinks of anybody in his life. It feels good to finally be alone with my thoughts. As sad as it makes me feel I also feel a sense of relief.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    And there is the problem. He likes his alcohol more than he likes the people in his life. Sorry, but I don't think you should be competing with something like alcohol or alcohol addiction. Having yourself together is more important. Besides, it's not good to be in a constant state of stress so at least you are able to breath alittle.
  16. SarahWorksAtHome

    SarahWorksAtHome Community Champion

    @111kg and @henry it's so easy to tell someone that but everyone is different and it can't always be black and white or clear cuts.

    @L_B I'm glad you have a safe place to go and a support system in your sister. I pray he finally gets a wake up call and if not that you will have peace and clarity to make whatever decisions you feel are best in your situation.
  17. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Glad to hear you've taken that step and put some space in between you both. I think it's going to give you both a chance to think which is important. I'm not sure of the full background of the situation but has he sought help in the past or is he reluctant to even try/doesn't think he has a problem?

    I hope you're doing okay right now!
    deanokat likes this.
  18. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Be strong. Make him choose between you and alcohol. Tell him you'll only consider moving back only if he has overcome his addiction. I know alcoholics will say anything, how they'll change [overnight and other lies] but beating an addiction takes time and I suppose the only way he can prove that he is serious about changing is by staying sober for more than 3 weeks. That would be an indication that he cares enough to change but it's no guarantee that he'll stay clean for good.
    deanokat and L_B like this.
  19. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    When I first met him he was attending meetings and had been clean and sober for over a year. He was doing great and then he slowly stopped going to meetings. He said he didn't need them anymore and then he started having a drink. He told me that it wasn't for his drinking it was for drug addiction that he was attending these meetings. Being naive I believed him so he would have a few beer here and there and it didn't seem like a problem. Gradually overtime it got worse. He began to drink more and on a regular basis. I began to see that he had a problem but by this time I had fallen in love with him. I tried to encourage him to go back to his meetings, to get help and he always promised he would but it never happened. I also learned that he had a lot of hurt and anger bottled up inside from an abusive upbringing. I wanted to help him. Everybody in his life had walked away from him, I wanted to be the one to stay. It has been a rough road and even all that we have been through together I still love him but he needs to get help. He needs to deal with this problem before it kills him and I do believe it will if he doesn't do something about it. He isn't in the best of health because of his drinking but of course he will never admit his health is suffering because of drinking. I hope this is the wake up call that he needs!
    deanokat likes this.
  20. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I, too, hope this is a wake-up call for your husband, @L_B. Big hugs to you.