An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Angry and frustrated

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by lost247, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. lost247

    lost247 Active Contributor

    Hello all, so glad to finally be back online and in this forum, didn't have internet for a while and definitely started going stir crazy!

    As a recovering addict I feel like I have a little more insight into active addiction, and a little more understanding that someone who hadn't been through it. That said, I'm here to seek some outside advice on this issue, as I find myself just getting more and more angry and frustrated.

    My FIL has been an alcoholic most of his life. He's an auto worker, and for his 30+ years working he'd always pick up a pint (or 2) after work, as a "reward" for a good day, or a coping tool after a bad day, either way he was drinking when he got home.

    A couple years ago he retired, and I think boredom was a big issue at first, and then the family starting encountering some very tragic losses, 2 to suicide and then he lost his lifelong best friend to cancer. That one I think really put him over the edge.

    A little bit before his friend took a turn for the worst, my FIL was diagnosed with pretty severe psoriasis of the liver. At first, he really tried to quit, and would try again after slipping a couple times. But now, he's pretty much just given up. Every time we go visit, there's a big glass of scotch on the counter. He's got 3 grandchildren, the youngest being my son who just completely LOVES him, and I keep getting more and more angry every time I see one of these drinks. I want to yell at him and tell him I'm not bringing my son to see him anymore, I don't want him to be hurt when papa is dead so I'd rather cut his losses and just keep him from getting attached any more than he already is.

    My FIL is a very shy man, and talking to him directly would very likely only make a bad situation worse. I'm just so conflicted. He knows my history, and I've told my husband to make it clear to him he can talk to me anytime, but his pride and anxiety will prevent him from ever doing that.
    My husband's family has suffered a lot of loss in the last couple years, his dad isn't eve 60, he does not need to die so young, but I feel so helpless to do anything to take the drink out of his hand that is serving as a gun in his mouth.

    Thank you all for any kind words or advice. Just needed to vent and get it out there I guess.

    Love and light to you all.