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Are they your friends or just people you drink with?

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by hubertjames, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. hubertjames

    hubertjames Member

    Hello all, I am new here and felt it might be valuable to share a thought I'd had recently.

    How do you know when a group of people are really friends you could spend time with doing almost anything, or just your drinking buddies? I've been sober to events and had these friends say "oh, you're so boring when you don't drink" but what's interesting is, I find them boring when they are drinking and I'm not. It's almost as if we were only friends in the first place to use alcohol and not to connect with each other, share common experiences, and participate in events and activities.

    Has anyone else experienced this?
  2. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Only thing I can tell you is that some are and some aren't. It really depends on who's buying. If your friends only hang out with you when you're the one buying all the drinks, then, yes, they're drinking buddies. If they do other things with you besides drinking, then they might be your friends.
  3. Auril

    Auril Active Contributor

    I had to totally change my friends when I stopped drinking. I realized the group I hung out with, all we did was get drunk together. I lost about a dozen 'friends' when I stopped going out to bars with them after work and drinking. No one wanted to give me the time of day since I wasn't getting drunk anymore. It was hard for awhile, but now when I look back on the idiotic stuff we did while drunk - I'm glad I stopped when I did and those 'friends' can F off.
  4. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    For people to be friends they must have similar interests. In the case of the friends you drink with, what you have in common is your love for alcohol.

    While there's no denying the fact that some of the friendships could be real since most of your friends won't give up drinking to spend time with you, drift apart you will and eventually the friendship will be dead.

    That's why I believe drinking buddies are only your friends as long as you drink with them. Quit and they'll swiftly replace you.
  5. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    To be honest I can see this in two ways. I think sometimes you will only know a person because if alcohol, I'm sure we've all at some point been in a bar and met up with people in there that we've started chatting to. They're not friends as such, just people we like to have a drink with.

    A real friend will be somebody that we have some sort of bond with, not just somebody who likes us because we get drunk with them.
  6. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    I've never actually asked whether the entourage I used to walk with was indeed my sought group of friends, but I guess it's never late to reckon, haha.

    Hmm, I guess they were some sort of friends because we'd talk and laugh about all sort of things, but that pretty much ends there. We weren't closer in any way.
  7. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I know who my friends are. The people I use to barhop with and get drunk with are just acquaintances. I would never trust my life or belongings with just anyone. Acquaintances come and go. That's what they are, and they will never be my friend.
  8. LordKJ

    LordKJ Member

    When I got sober I realized I hardly knew the people I used to drink with. Being drunk made them seem a lot more friendly. The first night I went out with them and I didn't drink I realized I didn't know much about them other than what they drank and how they acted when they were wasted. I had to surround myself with people who would help me stay on my path and not lead me off the deep end.
  9. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    The people who told you that you were boring without alcohol were just drinking buddies that don't take your feelings seriously. From an outsider's perspective, that's what I think. The people who hang out with you when you guys are all sober are most likely your friends.
    The "friends" that are only willing to hang out with you when you are drunk (saying you're boring without drinking) are most likely not your genuine friends. Another thing: if you know details about some person, and he knows details about you (favourite video game, childhood crush, pet, etc.) you guys have a high chance of being genuine friends.
    This is just my perspective, judging from your paragraph.
  10. AAngelo

    AAngelo Senior Contributor

    I don't drink with people who are not my friends. I mean, I know I'm gonna do something stupid as the night gets deeper in a drinking session and I need to trust my boys to be there with me. Nowadays, I don't drink as much but I still hang with them. I guess it's because even before drinking, I've built up a rapport with them.
  11. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Some can be your friends, others may not be. When you drink in bars and meet some people there, they are just acquaintances, drinking buddies if you would call it. Other times, when you have a drink with your friends and somehow release stress and emotions with them, then they are really your friends.

    You just have to be careful, drinking with strangers can be fun but they are not reliable. Your true friends are with whether you are drinking or not.
  12. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    If the bond’s there even when you’re not drinking, it’s a higher likelihood they’re actually a friend, or could become one beyond the booze. But if people say you’re boring without alcohol, or you think you’re boring with it, then yeah, they’re just your drinking buddies. I’ve experienced this and the main problem was that was all I had for a while, drinking buddies. On the other hand, it made it all the more fulfilling when I remembered I had a few actual friends with whom I’d forged actual bonds.
  13. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    This was basically my scenario too. I thought the people I hung out with were my friends - but ultimately, all we did was drink. We had nothing else in common apart from that tying us together really.

    I no longer associate with any of them, and these days I can happily say I have friends who encourage me to be the best version of me that I can be - those are the sort of people I want in my life!
  14. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    No, I haven't experienced the same thing as you. I only drink with my closest friends, I don't have specific drinking buddies. Well, if that is what is happening to your relationship with them, then I would say they are not really your friends, just drinking acquaintances.
  15. Kessen

    Kessen Member

    Really the only way to tell is to see if they'll do something with you that isn't drinking. Sometimes people just aren't compatible without drinking. Truth is that if you are ready to quit drinking, it is best to change your friends.
  16. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    There are some people like that. You really have nothing in common with them and they are not people you would normally hang out with if you were sober. When you are drinking with them you have a great time but sober you just have nothing to say to each other. You have your true friends who are there for you no matter what and who you know you can call if you want to do something outside of partying.
  17. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I've experienced this with a group of buddies I was going to music festivals with. They are nice people but we didn't talk besides out drunken talk and meet ups. It was the same with friends I shared cigarettes with. Now I don't have such a large group of friends, but the ones who stayed are true friends and I love them so much.
  18. CrowdedHighways

    CrowdedHighways Active Contributor

    It's a very sad realization when you understand that you have nothing in common with your friends but your shared drinking experience. I think that in this situation you don't have to feel guilty about being honest with them and telling them about your realization, and making better friends that you actually share some interests with other than drinking.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Boring? I'm not sure I have ever seen someone that was boring when they were drunk. I always say that people who have this kind of focus are the boring ones. It makes sense that drunk people might try to get a sober person to join in. This is what most do anyway.
    There is some kind of bonding that happens to people when they drink together. The personality intensifier is what alcohol is. If someone is funny sober, they will be funnier. If they are an idiot they will be a bigger one and so forth. This is just my observation of people getting drunk. I currently have a mixed view of drinking and alcohol. I have enjoyed watching people when they are drunk, it is entertaining. Not so crazy about the jerks in this state.
  20. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    Luckily for me my friends don't drink or smoke a lot, but my friends friends do and it can be a problem.