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Are this true friends?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by just_me, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. just_me

    just_me Member

    So yesterday I was hanging out with some friends at a BBQ and this guy came who I considered my friend and started doing drugs with other people that I know. Instead of asking how I was doing he mention this “oh let’s do some bumps not you (talking to me) you’re so boring and started laughing” we know each other for 8 years but when I quit doing drugs 3 years ago he stopped talking to me and prob talking **** about me to everyone. I felt really bad and left.

    How do you deal with situations like this? Also should I consider this person my friend? Thanks in advance
    Sober forever likes this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Only you can decide who a true friend is,however I won't think a friend would try to compromise another friends sobriety
  3. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    After I got sober, it took me time to understand that I shouldn’t be concerned what others think about me, when I realized how often they don’t think me, they’re thinking about themselves the vast majority of the time. It’s the same with me, I think about myself the vast majority of the time. I’m thinking about myself NOW as I’m writing / sharing my viewpoint.

    Also, what others think about me is none of my business, because I have no control over what they think about me, that is unless their thought process becomes injurious to me. If I continued to be concerned what I think, “they think about me” then I’m continuing to make this my business and this is “MY” self defeating control issue.

    I felt injury, my feelings were hurt by some of my friends when I first got sober. Eventually I realized that their behavior was projection, which was their fear based inability to see their own shortcomings, that they were assigning to me. Two of these friends eventually got sober.
    UKaddicted66 and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  4. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    That is not a friend. A true friend would respect your sobriety.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  5. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    That’s your perception, but you don’t know them and the investment my friends and I put into our relationships. Human beings make mistakes and understanding why can engender compassion which is the road to forgiveness. This first begins with me. Self-compassion was the major aspect for my recovery i.e. why I hurt others. In other words, those that would abuse me do so, because they were abused, that’s how they learned abusive behavior. This applies to me, thus understanding my adverse behavior helps me understand others.

    In addition, the term friend is ambiguous, as is sobriety due to different levels of friendship and sobriety, e.g. some DrugAbuse.com forum participants refer to each other as friends, yet most likely they haven’t met face to face.

    There’s a distinct difference between sobriety and abstinence. Many I’ve known claim to be sober, when in fact they were abstinent. Some that realize the difference came out of denial and move in the direction of sobriety.

    Finally, my last paragraph “Eventually I realized that their behavior was projection, which was their fear-based inability to see their own shortcomings, that they were assigning to me. Two of these friends eventually got sober”. In context, they got sober based of my example. What I didn’t share was one died from alcoholism, that couldn’t even abstain.
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2019
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  6. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Oh OK.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I agree with you!Not true friends
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  8. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    After I got sober I had a friend who still used who reached out because he wanted something. There is a post here about it. These people can threaten your sobriety. I would drop him and find a new sober friend. If he chooses to change and stays that way for a length of time you can always welcome him back. That's what I'm doing.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    We only fail if we allow ourselves to and you are not allowing yourself to fail.I think you have it 100% correct in the way you have changed your entire environment. I proud of you keep meeting your goals and before you know it you will be on such a roll you may end up with a goalie trying to slow you down lol.Keep up the great work
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    This is a serious question so don't be offended!As you read each post are you always looking for someone to discredit based off their own way of expression?We don't all think the same or express the same that doesn't mean the site needs a English professor constantly more or less saying (I'm right,your wrong)this is a place for people who are struggling, looking for a little compassion and understanding, no one comes here for criticism that's what facecrook is for,but I bet you already knew that huh?I'm sure you don't come here for smartass remarks like I just made,absorb how that made you feel just for a min and try to understand that's what you are doing to other's by informing them they can't think correctly. Stings a little bit doesn't it?Ok I apologize now cheer some people up,they do come here for that.
  11. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Based on the dynamics of self-examination, that is thousands of years old, I never considered that others were a threat to my recovery/abstinence/sobriety. I do very well understand why others perceive this threat, I’ve been observing this sentiment for years at recovery groups and on substance abuse internet discussion forums. For me it’s simple, I don’t engage in the “the victim blame game” I take 100% responsibility for my choices, that in essence is sobriety. Few people realize that sobriety is an action of insights and skills far beyond mere abstinence. I’m not anymore concerned with drinking or using than I am with not drinking or using. If I felt that others were a threat I wouldn’t be sober.

    My relationships that ended, no one coerce or force me to be in the relationship, I made the choice. I can’t change others behavior, I can only change my reaction to their behavior. In other words, no one can do anything to me unless I allow it.

    My sobriety wasn’t affected when I ran a cocktail lounge where there were drugs, including nicotine and some of my addicted customers were friends.

    BTW, for my recovery, my primary purpose is to help others achieve sobriety of which many were still drinking / using and some were abusive in their relationships, this wasn’t a threat to my sobriety.
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2019
    Elleous likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I wasn't under the impression that "We"are a threat to your sobriety, what I apparently didn't make clear what so ever was just a simple notion,for most the start of reaching out is pain staking as is and perhaps someone finally gets the nerve to bare their affliction known as addiction, perhaps said someone had been considering reaching out for several months or maybe even year's and then one day they lay it all out for the first time only to be met with contempt for the way they express themselves know consider they disappear and never reach out again. Who would own the blame for pushing to hard and said person giving up?I already know your answer is it would be their fault,which may be true in the encyclopedia you sight from but in reality the fault would lye with the person who is only thinking about himself and how only he is worthy of typing down emotions that make sense.Your thought process is cold and will not help a person who is just barely started their journey, you have to remember even the good ole AS handbook starts out on step one and page one.Recovery is a process it often begins with self doubt and extreme anxiety but it's the constant positive reinforcement we receive in those rooms that allows us to grow and slowly start to piece thing's together and it's repetitive for the purpose of reprogramming how we process open often difficult dialogue. Imagine if at AA meetings someone was constantly correcting a new comer,after you imagine that do you think AA would be a place of hope or would people just stop talking?I've been on this site for nearly 3 year's both for me and to be there for the new people, compassion work's people respond in a positive way to a listener,not so well with a criticizer.I don't know if you will understand this as it's a real emotion not something I took from a book but that's it I feel I'm talking to a computer or A.I. program which honestly would explain the emotional disconnect,anyways..Cntrl+alt+delete
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  13. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    As always @Bullwinkle we appreciate your great wisdom and insight but maybe work on your delivery. People do come here for Advice but also more importantly support and encouragement which would include having some thought towards how someone might construe your words.

    I'm sure your here because you have some unless this is just a job for you because your in the field. Anyways thanks for being here.
    True concern likes this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    All I'm really saying to @Bullwinkle is we help each other grow,understand, fight on..it is an absolute fact there is not one single human walking this planet with correct knowledge of all,if a person ever did believe they were that person I suggest avoid at all cost because they are delusional
  15. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Totally not correct for this site but oh well, So I think I understand politics just poof out of thin air.I can totally hear this conversation happening(not really)but I imagine the scotch was flowing and the founding fathers realized how insanely out numbered they are compared to citizens so how do they keep the country hypnotized yet engaged. They probably understood it would be impossible to keep everyone happy all the time...at this time the world's first blunt started being passed around lol,George Washington is baked and comes up with the mathematical equivalent to mind control.I imagine he saw us like cattle, so how do you keep the hurd endlessly believing their lies for all time at this time Washington's cotton wig came off and as he picked it up he said "My mouth feels like my wig"Boom the birth of the term cotton mouth was just born,anyways he suggests that in public no matter what they must disagree on everything in a 50/50 manner to let both sides feel the government is on their side about now they are all nodding in and out so they decided to do just a small shot of opium each and continue plotting,well hour's later they all wake up and say "Where am i?"They refill the scotch glasses and someone yells out"Every 4 year's we vote for a new president so only half the hurd...people are upset at any given time"The room suddenly got dead silent,they all passed out again and suddenly Washington jumps up and says"That's perfect...wheres that opium at?"no one answered still passed out so Washington sat and pondered for nearly 30 minutes and it hits him,the opium is in the night stand.Boom on that day those intense junkies gave birth to the illusion of freedom without actually giving it,Washington suddenly thought it would be hilarious to tell everyone they were completely free but make everyone give a percentage of their finances to the government that freed them and he would make it clear if you don't pay you will be fined and put in a steel cage for an undisclosed amount of time at this time he realizes he was not talking to his friend rather he was standing in front of a tall mirror talking to himself,even after this realisation he starred into the mirror and asked his reflection if there was any more opium,confusion started to set in and he said "Free if you pay yearly cattle"the day was long so yep another scotch to close the best day ever minus the opium shortage.LMFAO Because it seems like it could've gone down that way...lol hilarious
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator


    @Onceaddicted77 did you take Washington's opium?
  17. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Shiit I dont think we have a choice. Lol
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Did you read the post above the one I tagged you in?
  19. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I see. I just did but yes, I smoke it daily lol
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Man in my head that shiit was hilarious I'm still chuckling,I probably need a klonopin but tomorrow I quit it as well so I will be hallucinating pretty bad
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.