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Are this true friends?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by just_me, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. brianbreaz

    brianbreaz Member

    Hanging around friends that use drugs is one of the easiest ways to lose your sobriety. Anyone that has any real time sober will tell you that. You have to cut those negative influences out of your life.
  2. UKaddicted66

    UKaddicted66 Member

    I have two words for people like your friend at the party *Dangerous Parasites*,,,, Sorry to be blunt , but i#ve been there. wore the T shirt , spent a fortune with them and thank god here to reply. They are not freinds , you must understand this. Be it someone you have known for 8 hours/8 years, people do not like someone like you who sounds like you have maintanied sobriety and remained drug free. They will manipulate , lie, even rob you . A friend would do anything but drugs in front of someone in recovery! If you go to NA/AA, 80% lie, these are the ones who believe there own bullshit " I've not used now for 2 years!! yet they were seen scoring the night before! I'll leave it there, im sure there are people who can relate to your " Feel left" out, let me tell you my friend , you are the stronger man, i will add where you were, was it pre known by you there would be Gear there ? if yes, look at that as a Risk factor, when i lapse, lapsed in the past its been a subconsciously act of using, i dont just use, ive planned it without planning it , so these situations you gotta ask yourself did you go and the part of you, the stronger part changed direction ? I think as addicts we get 2 types , ones who "wear their hearts on their sleeves , and ones who can use that to their advantage . If you are in that situation again walk away, would you feel worse if you used or if you never spoke to the NOT a friend again..... stay strong bud, you aint the one who is outcast.....
  3. UKaddicted66

    UKaddicted66 Member

    "Fate ? De ja vu . It is really strange how and why things happen, I just been on Messenger for the 1st time in a long time, within two minutes an Accosiate , someone who classes me as a freind and vice versa until i realised what i said earlier..He asked "how am i doing". i stupidly went into self pity mode and explained i'd messed up and lost my prescription and i'm riding the "wave of sin" , say no more was his reply, i'll come round now n give you a "Sorta! ( Heroin , UK slang for i'll sort your Rattle out ) i didn't hesitate, i said, listen Gxxxx. thanreply and his quick log off he was thinking " ks for the offer, but i gotta do this my way, i gotta be not in a raging habit for Xmas .... i gave too much info, a simple NO would have worked, but that is how we are.... I could tell by his short reply he wast dawned on me, implying i was being ungrateful . The irony,,, i felt bad for the last 20 mins, then it dawned on me , i'm not aware or on the ball when the time is needed, it was your story in a different way, wow, weird that is how i saw your post ! who knows if id not read it 2 hrs ago
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  4. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I used to think that way too about people doing stuff like that in front of an addict that is trying to be sober.

    But now I am sober I don't feel that way at all because people are fallible and stuff like that happens but people shouldn't have to change who they are just to be my friend.

    In the end I'm in charge of my sobriety and nothing or no one can take that away from me but me. I used to never turn down any drug but now I have no problem with people doing it from of me because I don't want it.

    I have changed my way of thinking and I'm no longer living in my past I'm creating a new future for me and it dosnt include drugs or alcohol in it.

    Sober is not abstinence, it is a state of mind.
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019
    Elleous and Sober forever like this.
  5. Sober forever

    Sober forever Member

  6. Sober forever

    Sober forever Member

    Hey, hang on. The best thing I can tell you which is mostly true is that people who still do drugs and find that someone else doing it has stopped makes them envious (secretly),. They wish they were you. A lot of people want to quit but have hard times. I mean, isn't that why we are here?, you've seen how your life is much better now. Choose your friends, and you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I can say that if he makes fun of you for doing the right thing, he just may not be the friend you need. You chose to grow, dont let them shrink you. Dont forget, they wish they were you.

    Sober forever.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    They are not friends.....Period
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Perfectly and correctly represented.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  9. Elleous

    Elleous Member

    Are we saying that you can’t associate with friends of old that still use when you’re in sobriety?
    True concern likes this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    In the beginning before you find your own inner strength....yes
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    You have to recognize this is a site for ADMITTED ADDICTS so yes until you adopt that inner strength the answer is YES
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  12. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I know about "WE”, I've experienced the "we mentality" even before I recovered from my substance addictions. "WE" isn't me, especially when there's a high potential where we turns into "group think gang mentality", i.e. we know what's best for YOU, this is marginalizing. To this day, I don't defer and will never defer to the marginalizing gang mentality, because I'm not a follower, nor a leader, I can't fix anyone. I attempt to avoid giving advice, especially unsolicited, it's toxic. I've experienced marginalizing at face 2 face support groups and on every site like this one. If I couldn't interact with others, including friends that are still drinking and/or using, I might be abstinent, but not sober and there would be something the matter with my spiritual status.

    I heard at AA meetings early on by many, the same fear based idea of avoiding others that drink and /or use, yet they claim that God/Higher Power and/or the AA text got them sober. Well the AA text they claim got them sober, either they didn't read the book or if they had, they didn't comprehend what's on pages 100 and 101, which applies to any drug addict, not just alcohol addicts. See below, what I know for me is sobriety.

    It reads on pages 100 and 101… "Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be someplace like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't. You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!"
  13. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Many admitted addicts are still using, or are abstinent. Are you saying that admitted addicts have adopted an inner strength, and if so, what is that inner strength?
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Some are adopting it slowly yes, me myself I use to use everything, nonstop and lots of it,I have eliminated all street drug's but still take some prescription's that are considered narcotics (mainly from my psychiatrist)so yes I feel I have gained inner strength by not chasing...meth,heroin,oxy,norco,etc.I don't even think about them anymore but if you ask me "Are you sober?"I have to say no because of my meds,so I guess it depends on how deep your looking to dissect the statement.
  15. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I believe what he is saying is that is the difference between a sober mind and someone in recovery on the way to a sober mind.

    Just a few years ago I still had thoughts and temptations and had to make conscious decisions that I wouldn't use.

    Do you remember what it was like having those nagging thoughts of boredom and wanting to use something those thoughts would not escape us until we gave in, that is recovery and your making a choice to remain abstinence, those choices get easier the longer you stay in recovery

    Now I dont have to make a conscious choice weather to use or not that choice has been made several times along the road of recovery and now those thoughts are not there even when iam around drugs or addicts using. I trust myself in bars and around anything. There is no longer the need for abstaining, there is nothing to abstain from because I no longer want it. That is a sober mind, I want to help them now, not join them anymore.

    So I think the answer would be where are you at in your recovery? Do you think you might be tempted if you go to that wedding party or bar or that friend calls you with a new batch of ****.

    If you are not of sober mind then dont go..
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2020
    True concern likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ok,I understand your explanation better and honestly...no I'm not ready to be around alcohol, drugs,etc.I can abstain but its very very tough and it nags me all day
  17. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    However with my new med protocol I feel great,no cravings,no thoughts of "living on the edge"no desire to be high,I just feel Normal,no anger,no back and fourth emotional BS but I can't lie there is a bit of fine tuning to do before I will say.i feel completely stable
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  18. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    It sounds like it's a good path to be on my friend, I'm glad they are occupying your mind less. That's great
    True concern likes this.
  19. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Although there have always been some in support groups, including online groups that judge those that are on prescribed meds as relapsers, I don’t make that judgement. BTW, some of those that make these judgments hypocritically due so, because they are / were addicted to nicotine. Their rationalization is nicotine isn’t mind altering, but nothing could be further from the truth. Some in AA/NA that were in denial re: nicotine addiction would get up-set with me when I shared at meetings that ”I’m abstinent from alcohol, but I not sober, because I 'm still addicted to the #1 substance killer, nicotine.”

    onceaddicted77 said it well, “the difference between a sober mind and someone in recovery on the way to a sober mind.” This is essentially the same as what I posted from page 100, AA text, Chapter 7, WORKING WITH OTHERS, PAGE 100, its reads… “We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status.”

    Here’s my wording RE: the difference between a sober mind and someone in recovery on the way to a sober mind. “I’m not any more concerned with drinking and using than I am with not drinking and using, it’s no longer an issue. I have posted/shared this before on this site.

    Here’s some gems from the AA text.

    Page 25, There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

    Page 23, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body.

    Page 35, So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.

    BTW, the AA text doesn’t reference alcoholism (alcohol addiction) as a disease, it’s referenced as a “spiritual malady” Page 64, “Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”
    True concern likes this.
  20. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I can agree with that. Or I should say I do agree.
    I know you don't give unsolicited advice, this wouldn't be unsolicited.
    I am wondering- genuinely, because I've been developing anger issues that have not surfaced in years - about resentment.
    Especially what you have to say about it. As I'm well aware your aware I speak my mind. So then knowing that do you mean self resentment or resentment of others or resentment in general.
    Also, when you found out your cause for addiction was a symptom not the issue itself, did your cravings immediately subside?
    Really asking here.
    True concern likes this.