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Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Thestoryteller1, Feb 2, 2015.

  1. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    I've noticed sometimes that in the midst of the worst crisis times I go through, I try to lose myself into something so I don't think. And if I'm not busy enough, if I stopped drinking, if I stop watching...I would get horrible insomnia and get scared because I'm laying in bed knowing I have to wake up early, but my mind is full of question after question. Not only questions I don't want to answer and things I'm afraid of...
    It's my deepest fears, it's all the stuff I'm so afraid to fear, that I push them down so much that I never get to resolve them (and actually making them worse).

    Like working under the pressure of making enough money all the time, wondering how far I am from ending up on the street (I was in a weird situation once and I was close to that, not permanently and not really, but I was close enough to get really scared). And then fearing that so much, but not daring to be afraid because it would paralyze me, and consequenly working under so much pressure, I do the job way slower than otherwise.

    Like the things in life I don't dare to want because I don't know if I can reach them.

    Like why sometimes I am in so much emotional pain that I need to dull it down with something just to get through the days.

    Like have I lost my ability to be happy forever, or will I get it back someday.

    And so on.
    And so now, I have a notebook, and each time I can't sleep I write down all those questions. And then in the morning, I pick one of them, and I dive into it. Examine what am I really afraid of, and what can I do to help it. Are you ever afraid of asking yourself things?
    stariie likes this.
  2. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    Several years ago, I went through a time like this, when I couldn't afford to pay my rent, got an eviction notice, and was scared beyond belief about what I was going to do. Looking back on it, I can see where worrying about things was one of the worst things that I could have done (the other was talking--as opposed to writing and journaling-- about my long list of fears to any and everybody who would listen), because my fear almost completely immobilized me.

    I have the benefit of hindsight about that situation now, and I can truly say that the best thing that I could have done at the time for myself and for my young son would have been to relax, pray, journal constantly about the situation, and work. I think where the fear was most debilitating was that it caused me to be inactive at a time where I really needed to be up and working, doing whatever I could, even if, according to certain peoples' standards, it wasn't much.
  3. Twinsmommy31

    Twinsmommy31 Active Contributor

    I think at some point we may have all been afraid to ask ourselves the tough questions. Once we can ask those questions we then know that we can fix them. Its almost like the first step in admitting the problem. Once the problem is out there, it's time to do something about it.
  4. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    I do ask my self reflective questions specially during the times when it gets really tough. I helps me calm down and analyze my situation more carefully. It also reminds me of my goals, their purposes and what I truly want for myself.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Anytime I take a siesta [I've come to know that they are really bad for me] all these thoughts about . . . things I'd rather not face, assail me. Like OP sometimes I find myself obliged to get up and write down goals I intend to achieve to exorcise the thoughts because they make feel depressed.

    I do agree that questioning yourself would force you to find solutions to problems which would otherwise drive you to using some substance to get you forget . . . the problem.
  6. Thestoryteller1

    Thestoryteller1 Active Contributor

    Exactly! Even if that wasn't the best you can do, when you're afraid - and talking over and over about it- you just get more stressed. So you're concentrating on your fear, not the solution. I still find it hard to concentrate my attention on the right thing, which is why writing it down tends to help. Actually, I do the talking, writing, journaling...I do it all because it gives me different things, all useful. The talking helps me vent out frustration, so that I can have clear enough head to seek solution.
    stariie likes this.
  7. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I must say asking yourself a lot of questions really is a scary concept especially because this requires you to face your addiction and everything else that comes with it! I also find that writing them down really helps and at least gets them out there for you to proper tackle. It is therapeutic in a sense because you in a sense face up to those fears that you would otherwise hide from by abusing certain substances.
  8. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    Talking helps some people but not everyone. Being female I am willing to talk about things but I wonder how men are able to keep everything bottled. I have many nights that I stay awake trying to resolve questions I'm afraid of answering. I wouldn't say it's the questions themselves but the fear of making the wrong choices. I've never tried journaling but it sounds like it could help. I do find myself consumed by fear and not coming up with many solutions. Fear is very powerful and it can take over our lives.
    stariie likes this.
  9. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I agree with you, talking over and over you get more stressed, and then you stress (or bore) everybody else in the process.
    It's always good to vent, but I took it to the extreme because I was under so much stress:confused:.

    What my hindsight taught me in my particular situation was that talking to people was kind of useless. I talked to everybody that I could find, talked to almost anyone who would listen, but in the long-run, it was, me, myself, and I who had to pull myself up.
    And I prayed a lot. Some people don't believe in prayer, but it worked miracles for me. Bad situations that needed fixing seemed to disappear.

    See, years ago, I was about to lose my home. I had a young son attending private school, and I was about to lose out on his private school education as well. I just could no longer afford them.

    I was Terrified. I talked to teachers, I talked to the principal of the private school, I talked to my attorney (who is also a family friend), I talked to my landlady (who I was renting my house from), I talked to people in the hair salon, I talked to people at community centers, I talked to my young son.

    I cried, I moaned, I fretted, I worried, I stressed out. The result? I could barely function.

    What did all that talking and worrying get me? Evicted. Not invited back to the private school the next year (which turned out to be a blessing). And homeless o_O (which turned out to be a great lesson).

    Instead of worrying, I would have been doing. But I wasn't doing, so things around me were falling apart.

    I know I could have journal-ed probably 10 times more than I did. Even getting online and writing on a forum like this would have helped.

    Hindsight. Instead of talking to people, who in the long run barely helped me, I would have been doing.
    Cleaning my house, taking better care of my son, myself and my pets. Organizing my home, and my paperwork, like bills, daily incoming mail, etc. Working online as much as I could.

    But, hey, you live-- you learn.

    All that happened in 2009. These days things are much better. Why? Because I'm much better.
    Now, we're in a nice home (after being homeless with my young son for almost 3 years), my son goes to a good school, and we are happy.

    You're right about fear, it had me concentrating on all the wrong things. I guess I didn't know any better,
    but now I do:D.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
  10. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Honesty, that's the key method to question yourself to thoroughly break your drug habit(s), and if you aren't honest to yourself don't expect change. Curiosity and imagination are thinking processes that will allow you to seek and see possible futures for yourself beyond drug addiction. Examination of one's problems throughly, how to let go of non-beneficial things in your life, and planning a strategy is necessary questions to ask before taking any action. the method of deduction is the fastest way to question your drug addiction and your life with it or without it.
  11. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    This is a lot of fear. Sounds like you live in sheer terror. Forgive me for saying so but I believe that the anti-social lives in sheer terror.
    There are many ways to look at it. Usually thinking too much is a messed up liver believe it or not. It all goes back to chemistry. Something you ate. Lol I know it sounds simple but. I've not heard anyone talk so much about fear and how it grips them.
    It's always just say to yourself what is the worst that could happen? Let it go it doesn't matter. It didn't happen you are only thinking about it. Why go through it twice? Once in your head and another time for real. Living and acting out of fear I'm sure is no way to live. Worrying about being homeless and making enough money. Somehow it always works out though. You probably make a good amount of money now and have nothing to worry about. Emotional pain; well at least you feel something. You are alive. Learning happiness for some can be a struggle. It is a conscious decision.