I've noticed sometimes that in the midst of the worst crisis times I go through, I try to lose myself into something so I don't think. And if I'm not busy enough, if I stopped drinking, if I stop watching...I would get horrible insomnia and get scared because I'm laying in bed knowing I have to wake up early, but my mind is full of question after question. Not only questions I don't want to answer and things I'm afraid of... It's my deepest fears, it's all the stuff I'm so afraid to fear, that I push them down so much that I never get to resolve them (and actually making them worse). Like working under the pressure of making enough money all the time, wondering how far I am from ending up on the street (I was in a weird situation once and I was close to that, not permanently and not really, but I was close enough to get really scared). And then fearing that so much, but not daring to be afraid because it would paralyze me, and consequenly working under so much pressure, I do the job way slower than otherwise. Like the things in life I don't dare to want because I don't know if I can reach them. Like why sometimes I am in so much emotional pain that I need to dull it down with something just to get through the days. Like have I lost my ability to be happy forever, or will I get it back someday. And so on. And so now, I have a notebook, and each time I can't sleep I write down all those questions. And then in the morning, I pick one of them, and I dive into it. Examine what am I really afraid of, and what can I do to help it. Are you ever afraid of asking yourself things?