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Asking a Relative Not To Drink

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by DancingLady, Oct 25, 2014.

  1. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    I have an aunt who may be an alcoholic on some level. As far as I know she does not get drunk, or doesn't do that very often, but she seem to HAVE to have wine in the evening, usually 2-3 glasses from my observations. My dad has never allowed her to bring wine to our house because my family does not drink. Now that I am an adult, it may be my turn to tell her that there is no alcohol in my home either. I have never had a good relationship with her, but I want to be polite and respectful if this ever comes up.

    Do any of you have any experience with relatives who want to bring their wine or other alcohol when they come over for dinner? Have you said "no" and if so, from your experience, what is the best way to handle that.
  2. Geinnam

    Geinnam Member

    Luckily, your father already cleared the path for you. I would politely tell her, "As you know, I was brought up in a house without alcohol. I have chosen the same thing for my home as well. Thank you so much for understanding." This will establish the fact that you make the rules for your home. I would then tell her, "I am really looking forward to your visit!"
    cynamarie likes this.
  3. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    It is perfectly fine for you to ask her to refrain from bringing alcohol into your home. I would be polite about it but otherwise you have nothing to worry about. In the chance that she reacts in an off-put or offended manner, politely explain why like geinnam suggested.

    If she refuses a dinner/event invitation because of your request, that is a sign that she has a more serious drinking problem than you may be aware of.
  4. I've actually seen my father handle this exact situation. One of his brother's is an alcoholic, and his move has always been, when the subject of getting a drink comes up, to try to casually guide the conversation away from alcohol. Something like a pat on the back and an "Oh, come on, let's talk about football instead." It doesn't always work, but what I like about it is he doesn't make a big deal. He deflects and moves on, and, when he does it correctly, it doesn't make a scene. No one notices that he's just tried, in his own way, to keep a drinker from drinking.

    Not sure if this helps, exactly, but I've seen him do it and I've always liked the way he handles it.
  5. frogsandlegos

    frogsandlegos Active Contributor

    I think it is definitely okay to simply ask her to not bring it. And, if she does, perhaps you just need to limit your time with her. If you are in recovery, and it is your home, she needs to respect you. Going against your wishes is very rude, and (in my book) that is a reason to not invite her over unless she will follow your rules.
  6. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    Do not feel bad about this situation. It is your home and your rules. Hold your ground and let her know your boundaries. If she doesn't want to respect your wishes then she can see herself out. Getting together is about being with your family and not having to babysit drunks.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    It's your house, you make the rules.

    Your aunt may not like it when she's told that she can't drink but the thing about not budging when it comes to certain principles is that you have this talk maybe only once. She'll know that the apple didn't fall far from the tree and will accept reluctantly though it might be. Even if she is offended by your demand, inform her that you don't drink and for that reason won't have alcohol brought in or guzzled under your roof.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    If it's your home then you shouldn't feel shy to assert your rules. If it makes you uncomfortable then just level with her as an adult. She is already a grown woman, I'm assuming, so there really is not much point in beating around the bush on the subject. As long as your argument isn't a personal attack then there really is not much reason to be embarrassed of your own preferences in your own home.
  9. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    First, do not offer help if it's not clearly needed or asked for. People are better their own ways, if you try and help them then you might just be misunderstood like the one who think he knows everything.
  10. cc1001

    cc1001 Member

    You have the right to ask your aunt not to drink in your home or bring alcohol. It appears your aunt is already aware of your upbringing therefore it shouldn't be something new to her. Because she is your aunt I can understand how awkward it may seem to make this type of request. When you stand up for what you believe in people usually respect you for that. There are people who feel they need a few drinks to relax and enjoy themselves. When people have become drunk and in your home things can turn ugly quickly. I have seen this happen on several occasions.
  11. coeck

    coeck Member

    I think the worst thing to do with someone who wants to bring their own alcohol and is probably addicted is to say no. Since they will not listen to you or even worse not even come to your house anymore. I think you should try and reason with your aunt when she's not drunk. Tell her how it makes you feel when she keeps drinking alcohol. And if that doesn't work you will have to seek professional help.