An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the DrugAbuse.com Forums?Join or

Back and Forth

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Anonymous12356, Dec 20, 2018.

  1. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Honestly don’t know if sobriety is the best choice for me. All I do is think about and miss doing drugs/drinking these days. It was the most fun thing for me and living with clinical depression (even though I’m recovered and stable) is still tiring and I will NEVER be the same person I was before having mental illness. It’s something I’ll have for life and I honestly wouldn’t mind have a few years shaved off my life because of drug abuse. It was one of the most fun things for me and now I’m just bored as **** without it. I also never did any hard drugs only marijuana, nicotine, and alcohol (I would only drink with friends, maybe once every week or two weeks). I just hate being sober, it’s boring as **** and I miss what I had. I feel like I will cave into my old glory life any day now.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Anonymous2001 hey there. so sorry you're struggling. i've heard others talk about feeling like they are giving up their best friend (alcohol).... but eventually, after they start drinking again, they eventually slide back into experiencing negative consequences.... maybe that will be you... maybe not. i do hope that you will consider reaching out for some help face to face... a counselor. support group. someone...... drinking on top of depression is not a healthy solution...and i know you know that.

    boredom does suck.... but i challenge you to find other ways to contend with boredom. make a list. challenge yourself. what are some goals you have?

    i wonder what it is you miss though... what you had?

    we are here to listen...and support you however we can... i hope today you can feel some peace, some happiness, and find something to help alleviate that feeling of boredom.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I use to be you,and at time's I still am.I don't miss the excitement anymore because after many year's of "excitement"about 10 it turned into terror,it started off being none stop fun but after some time I ran into a different type of "party friend's" who took excitement to a different level and I started to have to worry about thing's like "Did I leave finger prints"Or did someone see what happened.I never intended to be a criminal of any sort but with enough booze and drug's and suddenly I would wake up the next day thinking to myself WTF did I do?Then the terror of not knowing are the cop's gonna come for me or maybe something or someone worse?Partying ALWAYS gets out of control at some point if it's part of your day to day life.Some people can party from time to time and never have a problem bit when I read something like "I wouldn't mind shaving a few year's off my life using drug's"My friend that is a huge RED FLAG and you may end up shaving off more than a few year's, you may accidentally shave off half you're life or more but one thing's for sure,if you ever make that mistake it will already be to late to change it back so I pray you keeping fighting for sobriety, yes it's boring at time's, I devoted almost 1 full year just to typing my every thought and emotion,every worry and failure here and it has been an up and down battle but my life is improving and so can you're life.Stay Strong My Friend And Keep Sharing It Helps Not Just You But Other's As Well
    Anonymous12356 likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356... I understand what you're feeling. You want to go back to what you know and enjoyed. All I can tell you is sobriety is better. It might not seem like it now, but it is. Going back to drugs and alcohol will only cause you grief. And alcohol is a depressant, so how is that going to help you when you're living with clinical depression?? If you're taking meds for your depression, the drugs and alcohol will f*ck with those, too. I think @Dominica is on to something: Challenge yourself to come up with new ways to fight your boredom. Make some goals. Do something constructive with your life. Maybe do some volunteer work. There's so much out there that can help fulfill you. Drugs and alcohol are not the answer. At least I don't think so.

    Have you ever gone to support group meetings? AA, NA, or SMART Recovery (12-step alternative)? If you haven't, maybe you should give a meeting a try. The stories you'll hear there might help convince you that sober is better. Just a thought.

    Sending good energy your way. We're here for you, no matter what.
    True concern likes this.
  5. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    You know I actually woke up this morning and the desire to go back to my old life was ehhh because ever since I’ve stopped using or drinking I don’t feel sick all the time and I feel very energetic. This is a constant up and down battle for me but I think if I go back I’ll feel guilty. I enjoy being healthy the most and that makes me happy yet still it’s tough. I do have a therapist for when my depression was severe and she would be perfect for this although I haven’t seen her in awhile. I might look into setting up an appointment in the future with her. Thank you
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  6. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Yeah man I woke up this morning and the desire for my old life weakened quite a bit, I saw my life rationally and thought ehhh being physically sick and scared all the time of getting caught by my parents is no fun. I’d feel guilty going back and it makes me happy feeling healthy as I do now. It’s up and down just like you said but I’ll keep venting on here. Thank you
    Dominica, True concern and deanokat like this.
  7. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    I think I need to realize cravings pass and yet it’s still tough for me but I’ll keep coming on here and I’ll probably see my therapist soon. I am passionate about lifting and the party life absolutely fucks that so that is another motivator for me to stay clean. It’s just up and down for me but I’ll make it
    Dominica, True concern and deanokat like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Happy to hear you're feeling healthier, @Anonymous12356. And I think setting up an appointment with your therapist would be a great idea. You don't have to do this alone.

    Happy Friday, my friend. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
    True concern and Anonymous12356 like this.
  9. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    It will be! I have a great relationship with her. Same to you! Thank you
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 glad to hear you have a new perspective today!! the cravings come and go...ride them out like a wave... safely to shore :)

    we will be here on and off through the weekend so come as often as you need!!

    we believe in you!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    True concern likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Anonymous12356 how are you my friend?I hope everything is going well hope to hear from you soon
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Well I relapsed again but only with marijuana. I’ve used it everyday for over a month. I originally intended it to stay off the juul but I ended up saying “f*ck it, let’s burn everyday” because of reading that marijuana is less addictive than other substances and I found myself rarely feeling sick from it. Although the cons of it, too many, was enough to make me realize that damn I need to quit again. I miss it terribly and I’ve just starting recovery so I’m back here again. I’m just always stuck with the damn question about using again
  14. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 ah, i'm sorry you've relapsed. dust yourself off and start again... it will take time, but i think you'll be happier without it... try to do some things that will bring you joy.... without having to rely on that artificial high. what do you enjoy doing?
    deanokat likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Don't beat yourself up, @Anonymous12356. We're all humans and we all make mistakes. Just do your best to get back on the clean and sober path again. Recovery is a journey, my friend.

    Dominica likes this.
  16. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    I’ve started again and this time I’m stronger than ever. The anxiety I have about staying clean dwindles day by day and going to bed each night sober is absolutely exhilarating! I’ve been using this sobriety counter app which is quite entertaining to me because it makes recovery feel like a video game and that is fun to me. I’ve been taking care of myself and thankfully having gone through clinical depression I know thoroughly what self care is and I’ve been applying it to my time in recovery. I’ve had almost unnoticeable withdrawals from marijuana but sleep is difficult for me. Learning to fall asleep sober (id have a routine is using before bed) has been difficult but I’ll get used to it. Thank you for your reply.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356 you're making progress and that's wonderful. glad to hear that you're taking care of you. having trouble sleeping can be challenging. i pray you'll be able to find a routine that works for you and your brain will "let go" so you can fall asleep fast... focusing on my breath helps me relax to fall asleep.

    i hope you have a wonderful day
    Anonymous12356 likes this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Anonymous12356... Progress, not perfection. Keep at it, my friend. Glad that recovery app is helping you. Whatever tools you can find to make it easier, use them. Because the more tools you have in your recovery tool box, the better!

    Proud of you!
  19. Anonymous12356

    Anonymous12356 Active Contributor

    Yep learned that from recovering from depression actually! Addiction is quite similar but a little different.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.