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Back from rehab and stealing pills

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by zamm1978, Oct 27, 2016.

  1. zamm1978

    zamm1978 Member

    I have a friend who got back from 6 months in residential rehab 2 months ago.

    They have a key to my apartment and 10 days ago I found that they had taken some of my prescription pills (not the class they were addicted to). They said it was a one off and promised it wouldn't happen again.

    I counted the number left and yesterday found 4 more were missing. They are the only person with a key to my apartment. I confronted them about it and got complete and utter denial that they had been over and taken the pills.

    Along with threats to cut me out of her life.

    How it would ruin her life if I tell anyone.

    How I must have miscounted.

    Even that she wouldn't only take 4.

    It was the stereotypical list of excuses she has used with me before.

    I want to help her but have no idea what I should do as she denies taking the pills. If I go to her boyfriend he might kick her out. I can't go to her family and if I go to her rehab clinic I guess they will make her hand back the NA tokens she has collected so far and so in 6 months when she should be getting her 12 month token and comes home with a 6 month one her boyfriend and family will find out anyway.

    I need advice on how to get her to admit to taking the pills and to seek help.

    Thanks, just typing this has been cathartic.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @zamm1978... Thanks for sharing with us and I'm glad that just writing the post helped you.

    To be blunt, I don't think there's anything you can do to get your friend to admit she took the pills and seek help. You can try sitting down with her and having a heart-to-heart talk about the situation; tell her how concerned you are for her well-being, how you would love for her to get help, etc. But if she's not willing to admit she has a problem, and if she's not willing/wanting to get help...well, there's not much you can do.

    I would highly recommend that you change the lock on your door ASAP. If nothing else, that should stop the cycle of stealing. You may also want to consider getting an inexpensive safe to lock your meds in.

    Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. That's hard to grasp sometimes, because when we care about someone we desperately want to fix them. But the truth is...we can't.

    I hope your friend realizes she needs help sooner rather than later. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

    We're here anytime you need to reach out, even if it's just to vent.
  3. zamm1978

    zamm1978 Member

    Thanks so much for the reply. After the first time it happened I hoped she was being honest when she said it wouldn't happen again.

    This time the pills have been moved to work and locked in my narcotics safe, and she has been told they have been moved.

    I am worried that this means I am pushing her back to one of her dealers if she decides she needs pills, with the added danger of them giving her access to the original class of pill she was addicted to and things getting even worse.

    I hope that she will agree to come over to talk this through but at the moment she is in utter denial about even stealing the pills the second time and I have no idea how to confront her about it.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Whatever you do, @zamm1978, talk to her with kindness, empathy, and love. Don't get angry or confrontational. Doing so will only make her shut down more. And try not to worry too much about the "What ifs." If losing access to your medication results in this person doing something more dangerous, that's on her...not you. Remember: You can't control what she does.

    Talk to her. Tell her you're concerned. Tell her you want her to get help and that you're there to help and support her however you can.

    Sending you positive vibes and good luck.
  5. zamm1978

    zamm1978 Member

    Thanks so much, I shall do all I can to be patient and get through the denials and lies and wait for the truth and then we can work out how to help her.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. zamm1978

    zamm1978 Member

    I also promised I wouldn't tell her family, boyfriend, the clinic she was in, or the girls she went through rehab with but I don't know if that is the right to do. Do they have the right to know what she is keeping from them? At what stage do I have to accept that I am unable to help her and have to bring more people in?

    If I am enabling her to hide this new problem from others then am I hurting her more than helping her already?
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Whether or not you should tell anyone about it is a slippery slope. On the one hand, you are enabling her by not telling anyone because you're making it easier for her to continue using. But on the other hand, telling someone else really isn't your business or responsibility. So, like I's tricky.

    If you sit down and talk to her and she refuses to acknowledge the problem or seek help, then you may want to detach from the situation a bit. Detaching doesn't mean you stop loving the person or caring about them; it just means that you learn to do those things without making yourself crazy.

    I hope something I've said makes at least a little bit of sense. By the way, you're a very good friend for caring so much.