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Be surrounded by positve people

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Nikkishea21, Jan 18, 2015.

  1. Nikkishea21

    Nikkishea21 Active Contributor

    There are some individuals who can drain your energy and emit such gloom that this will have you feeling negative and demotivated just being around them. Some people go to the extreme to tear down your personality and if they know that you are not comfortable about a particular aspect of your life they will dwell on this always, in an attempt to make you feel undesirable within yourself.

    I know this girl from high school and we even went to college and university together, we are now working at the same place so she considers herself to be my friend. She will always be saying 'Nikki you not as slim and trim as me so you cant this and you cant that'. Then she would play the card of being married and say 'Nikki when are you going to find a man and get a family?' She even say this in the presence of others at times and this is just something that always have me feeling as if I just am lacking in something when she says it and she knows this. The latest one that she pulled out was telling me that I did not accomplish as much as she did even though I was a year older than her! I looked into it and just wonder why she would have said something like that just outright like that, it was just really strange to me and that is when I decided that our relationship needed to be revamped. I could not go on with this woman constant criticism and nagging in my ears on a daily basis.

    I decided to part company with this girl, not because of the fact that I am not strong enough but because I realize that her energy is too negative and and the 'friend' that she claim to be it is not really a friendship that is worthy in any way or promotes growth or any ounce of positive energy.
    bhu likes this.
  2. Tournique

    Tournique Senior Contributor

    I agree with keeping yourself away from negative people. Mostly because they drain your energy. Some do not do it on purpose, others do. It could be a cry for help or a warning, you never know until you know that person better.
  3. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    I'm sad to say I even have family members who are negative towards me. It hurts just as much from friends or family members. I guess even people who emit negative comments have family. I often wonder if they say these things to their immediate family. Thankfully I don't see them very often so I have to prepare myself mentally to see them. I don't think it's intentional and I don't think they even know that their comments are hurtful. If I allow myself to absorb what they are saying I would get angry with them and start feeling worse about myself at the same time. I tell myself that if I allow them to break me down they will gain a hold of me and I can't allow that to happen so I need to hold my head high and distance myself from them.
  4. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends and you don't have to spend time with anyone who is negative and always putting you down, regardless of who they are! It is best to part company, you did the right thing. We need to take care of ourselves.
  5. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    Nikki you didn't say how old you are but I'm 36 and I get that comment too. I even had a cousin ask me if I'm afraid of men because I'm not married. I don't think my cousin needs to be involved in my love life to know if and when am I going to get married. I have another cousin who asked if I don't think there's something wrong with me to be this old and unmarried. Sometimes I go on the defensive and tell them misery loves company and I don't need to be married to be miserable because you seem to be pushing marriage on me like it's a bed of roses. It's not fair to any of us to be criticized. Just keep your head up if it's to be it will be.
  6. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    In orfer for sobreity to work you need to surround yourself with positive people. There is no way it is going to work if you continue your old ways. Anything that rmeinded you of using has to be cut out. There is no other way around it.
  7. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Negativity will drag you down. The people that drag you down must be kicked to the curve. There is no way around it. They are not allowed into a life of sobriety, because it will never work. Surround yourself with good people that will support you.
  8. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Happy and positive people would totally bring out the best in you. They would encourage you in everything that you do because they have this idea about living life to the fullest.
  9. SunnySkies

    SunnySkies Active Contributor

    Positivity is one of the keys for solving many problems. By making positive and reliable connections (either it be family or friends), you can boost the effectiveness of treatments and sobriety. Just remember it's a two-way street - be positive for them, and they will be positive for you. Stay away from negativity, keep a good support base, be committed, and you'll be able to stay on the path of sobriety.
  10. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    There's absolutely no benefit in sticking with people like this. They seem to want to drag you down in order to make themselves feel better. You have definitely done the right thing by cutting her off.
  11. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    No-one needs friends like these. All they do is patronize you, crush your spirit and make you feel like you're less significant than they are. In fact, none of what they're saying is true. I argue this is some sort of a defense mechanism whose purpose is to conceal their flaws by lashing out at others. I certainly wouldn't want to keep in touch with someone who has that sort of personality.
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Definitely right. There are people around us that we should not let them be part of our lives anymore. Those who are making us a bad person and giving bad vibes. Better to be surrounded with those who are optimistic and truly cared for us.
  13. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Nikkishea you did yourself a big favour and I applaud you for your strength. Who needs negativity in their lives? I don't and neither do you or any of us here. I honestly feel sorrow for those types of people though, really I do. I have come across a few and I have to confess there are still some who call themselves my friends. I keep them at a distance. What I have found is that negative people can mostly give and can never take. There are super sensitive.

    I want to be in company with only positive people who can offer me constructive criticism.
  14. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You did the right decision in kicking this person out of your life. There are still a lot of more deserving friends out there. In cases of addiction or abuse, these kinds if people can be more harmful than friendly. There's no use surrounding yourself with the negativity of other people. Stay positive and all the positivity will reflect in all your actions.
  15. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I also am surrounded by negative and scheming people, but I try my best not to be affected by them. In your case, I think your friend is a nagger and maybe secretly jealous of you? Because I never had any friend that treated me that way except for this former gay guy that was "jealous" of me. You did yourself a favor by ditching her.
  16. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    The woman you are talking about reminds me of a friend of mine. It's called insert foot in mouth disease. I don't blame you for detaching from her. I did the same thing 2 different times with a female friend. One time just drifted apart and this time I just said to myself this is pointless. Sad really for people like this. This girl was not married. When I saw her years later it was the same old story. She hadn't changed an inch. The funny thing was there was a comment that she said to me the first time around that was not that nice. Well, that comment came up and smacked her on the face all of her own doing so.
    I think some people just don't really know how to talk to people or to how be a friend. A little self-centeredness. Lack of consideration. These statements like when are you going to find a man and have a family. Or whatever they come up with is something as if that will help you in anyway. The thing about people like this is more than likely somethings not right with theirs. I worked with these two women that were married with several kids. The one says that her husband says she is the worst thing that happened to him. Not much of an accomplishment if the guy talks this way to your face. Probably because she forced herself on him.
    A friend should wish you the best. Want the best for you. Someone like what you are saying doesn't even think of introducing you to some of her husband's friends or having some parties. Invite some for you to meet. Or the random thing of just being a good friend and keep the comments to herself. Lol
  17. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Well there was a person who did a similar thing to me in the past. I didn't explicitly broke ties with her. I simply distanced myself and stopped communicating altogether. She was the type of friend who wanted to exert her superiority over you. She wanted me to be her crony, to side with her no matter what she did. But I already saw through her. Had she not been so ambitious and power-seeking she would have been a much better friend. I guess the idea of standing on a pedestal appealed more to her than salvaging our friendship.

    Well, I don't hate her. I never resented her for anything. I'm just sorry for her and that our friendship didn't work out the way it should have. If we do meet again in the future, I will just say hi. So much has changed, though, so I doubt things could be restored to what they once were. Sometimes, it's enough to just love people from a distance.
  18. akiram13

    akiram13 Community Champion

    I agree with this. Although it might not have been intentional and maybe a bad habit I believe that we need to surround ourselves with people who can let us grow and give support. Maybe you gave her a wake up call to how she is and hopefully she can change that bad habit. Just keep doing what you can and don't worry about anything that might have been said. You know better than anyone of your self worth. :)
  19. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I honestly feel a big part of my mood is who I surround myself with - if I'm around negative people or bad influences (especially when I was younger) then I seem to take that on, but if I'm around uplifting, positive and encouraging people it makes me want to be positive too! I think it's 100% okay to remove toxic people from your life - sometimes you need to put yourself first, you know?
  20. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    I hear you. I have had to do my share of relationship housecleaning to rid myself of negative people. Now I find myself with friends filled with positive energies. I'm not quite sure how that happened, though. I didn't just up and say, "I will only let positive people around me," one day. Somehow it just happened. Maybe the housecleaning helped. All I know is I am in awe and grateful as I can be.