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Best approach

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by jdroc, Oct 22, 2014.

  1. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    I have a sister that needs help. She has abused prescriptions painkillers for a long time. We've tried everything under the sun except for the tough love approach. Meaning, kicking her out the house and leaving her to her own ways. What is the best approach when trying to help a family member? It's tearing up my mom and we just want her to get healthy and stand on her own two feet.
    Nick W. likes this.
  2. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    The tough love approach is not to kick her out and leave her on her own. She needs help and support and this means that you need to get her off the painkillers which means that you need to check her into rehab. Any other way will not be of help as she needs the support from proffessionals who will motivate her to become drug free.
    If you do not ger her help now then painkillers will turn into something else.
    The best approach is to let her know that you are all concerned and that you are all there to support her but she needs to be taken to rehab. Be calm when speaking to her and tell her that she is loved and this is why you would like her to go.
    Nick W. likes this.
  3. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I'm all for tough love, but I think that it has to work. Kicking someone out of the house could simply lead to a more desperate situation, continued substance abuse, and high-risk behaviors. Now, if her being in the home is unsafe and disruptive to the health of your family, then that's a different story, but if possible, she needs support and help, not just to be removed from eyesight.
  4. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    Well it's just that we've tried everything. Her situation is getting dire. We're starting to fear overdose. Basically, we just want to save her life at this point. I've been reading on here about double diagnosis, I do believe she has been struggling with depression for quite some time but never got counseling. I just don't know how to help her with any of it, as she can't see herself and be honest about the situation.
  5. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    Yeah, I understand where you're coming from, but like I wrote earlier this has been going on for a minute. We fear she might overdose because it's just at that point right now. She's doing things that jeopardize her life at this point. She's only tried rehab once and quit really early. This is like once out of maybe five years. Nothing has worked. My mom is just so stressed and feels guilty. I've just run out of ideas.......just want to help her before it's to late.
  6. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Some things are easier said than done but I do beleive that one has to study a situation in depth before taking certain actions. The fact that it is a family member, one ought to give the best support that is possible rather than sending them out there in this hard cold world. My father is addicted to both marijuana and crack cocaine and I have never forsaken him even though he has oftentimes forsaken me. Tough love I say.
    Nick W. likes this.
  7. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    That is terrible, if she has been to rehab then why not send her to one where she cant check out. Perhaps one that keeps her in for a couple of months without her being able to leave on her own.
    You could also find out why she is wanting to self destruct by finding the source of her problems.
    If she has been doing this for some time now, then a tough love approach is necessary and instead of sending kicking her out, drag her screaming to rehab. There is hope for her and it will take longer but the first step is checking her in.
    This is not fair on your family and it must be very difficult for all of you, to give you a break and to help her I see that long time rehabilitation is the only way. She will be in for as long as it takes to find the source of her problems and once she is out, a good idea would be to start fresh somewhere else. That way you know that you have done all you can and the rest is up to her. She will then need to take responsibility for her own life.
  8. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    I think that if it's that obvious her situation maybe the better is that the whole family makes an intervention so that she realizes you guys love her, but are worried with her and want her to change that.
  9. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    Try to find out the reason for which she started taking those in the first place. Then you should consider take her see a psychiatrist. Some deep feelings can alter our moods so bad that our main vital functions alter also. She can just lose her lust for life without those pills if she had suffered a severe emotional breakdown. You should definitely not kick her out of the house, because at this point she may think that pills are more important than family.
  10. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    Started with Chromes Disease, something the affects the stomach. It is definitely not bothering her anymore. So yeah there is that angle. I will try and convince her to see a psychiatrist, thanks for the suggestion.
  11. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    My sister was one tough cookie. She refused to quit. I drove her to rehab several times, but she never stopped. She was arrested buying cocaine from an undercover officer. THAT scared her. I should have left her in jail at the time, but I stupidly bailed her out. She had been arrested over 137 times-- that is a REAL number. This was the only time she had every gotten sent to the county jail rather than a local police station. She overdosed four years later. To this day I wonder if I should have left her there, or if going to a "real jail" would have made her worse and she would have OD'd sooner. I know that if she were still here, she would still be using. My mother had been saving for a funeral for several years, knowing it was coming.If she were younger, I would try to do the "scared straight" approach. I would take her to rehabs and find people with real stories to talk to her. But she was older, she saw the worst of the life first hand. I suspect she was hooking to support her habit, and even told me being raped and not truly remembering it. I tried to get a court order, but I was just a sibling. The judge said my mother would have to commit her as next of kin. My mother never tried. I was able to get her committed once, she threatened to kill me and kill herself. This made her a danger to herself and others. They only put her away for a few days. I hoped it was long enough to detox, but she went right back to using.

    Try to look into county services for advice. There might be organizations such as MICA or CAMI for drug addiction and mental illnesses. Just do not blame yourself. The choice is the addict's, not yours. Be try to remember it is not YOUR problem. It is really easy to lose ourselves when dealing with addicts.
  12. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    If your sister is an adult that is a lot harder because she does have the right to refuse unless it is court ordered rehab due to drug charges or something. Don't give up on her though. If her behavior is disrupting the family, you do need to lay down the rules of the house and explain that this is for the well being of everyone who lives there. If she is unwilling to give this up and go to rehab, it might take getting arrested to get her attention that she can't go on like this.
  13. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    If only it was that easy............for her to get arrested I mean.
  14. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    Could you offer her a seek treatment or move out type of ultimatum? Do you think she would leave and move out? She needs to know that she cannot abuse the drug in your home around your family.
  15. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    That's the first step with drug addicts, tell them that the house is a clean place, also because they turn into thieves, so they can't live there while consuming.
  16. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't think it's a good idea to kick her out. There's no telling what can happen to her out there without resources. Tough love is still good though, but maybe just approach it in a different way. Just try and get her into a program by setting limits but try not to make her feel like she is being given up on.
  17. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    Sure, but that's a hard choice a parent has to make. I knew similar cases and what would you do, have someone at your place that can steal everything or would you just put him on the street?
  18. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    I mean she's moved out before it was just like blackmail. My mother is a really bad enabler so I guess that makes it difficult.
  19. jdroc

    jdroc Active Contributor

    Thanks for the reply, but yeah that's the fear....we've gotten life insurance.......
  20. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    At the end of the day you have to decide where your line is. You have to decide what's in the best interest of you and your family, not just the abuser. If it gets to a point where it's a problem for the rest of the family, it might be time to step back, walk away, even if it's temporary. It's hard, and it sucks, but can't sacrifice your own safety & sanity.